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Whenever I ready “Sorry to ____, but...” I wonder to myself: 1. Is the speaker truly appalled at saying the thing that follows, but it's a radical, earth-shatt

Whenever I ready “Sorry to ____, but...” I wonder to myself: 1. Is the speaker truly appalled at saying the thing that follows, but it's a radical, earth-shattering insight will cut through the Gordian Knot, e.g. “I’m really sorry to question the Bible, but maybe the Earth actually is older than 6,000 years?” Or: 2. Someone’s warning detection is working, but the connection to the brake has been severed, and the speaker wants to charge ahead and say it without any real concern for tone. If what follows the disclaimer needs to be said, just say it. If you get backlash, deal with it. The faux-pology up front undermines your sincerity rather than reinforcing it.

omonra 11y ago
The 'sorry' part referred to my comment sticking out like a sore thumb. Every other comment goes on about racism, etc - while I see a problem inherent in the subset of individuals themselves. It's a social thing - to prepare the reader for what may strike them as an unpleasant (yet I believe is true) perspective.
- RodericDay 11y ago
  Wow you are really brave
- picks_at_nits 11y ago
  > It's a social thing - to prepare the reader for what may strike them as an unpleasant (yet I believe is true) perspective I’m perfectly aware of what this is supposed to do on the surface, but I am sharing with you that there is a discrepancy between what you claim to be doing and how at least one person perceives what you are actually doing. You may think that you’re preparing the reader for an unpleasant truth, but note that if what you were about to say was inarguably true, you could just say it and present the evidence. You yourself admit that it’s just a perspective, another way to say that it’s an opinion. So by prefacing your perspective with a disclaimer that you know in advance that you are going to present an unpleasant perspective, what you’re saying is that you are going to be unpleasant, you know you are going to be unpleasant, and you know that this isn’t an uncomfortable but incontrovertible truth like the Bible not being literally true. So what it comes down to is this: Instead of just giving an unpleasant perspective, you have given an unpleasant perspective AND told everyone that you know it’s unpleasant, know that it isn’t and incontrovertible truth, and are telling everyone any ways. This drags yourself into the discussion. Instead of just thinking about your perspective, we are also asked to think about the fact that the perspective is unpleasant, why it is unpleasant, why you choose to share an unpleasant perspective, why you announce it to us, and so forth. People might, for example, think that you say such things purely because you enjoy being controversial. Is that true? I don’t know! But when you tell me that you are bing controversial on top of actually being controversial, it’s certainly a reasonable thing to wonder. Which is why I go back to what I suggested to you: If your perspective is worth sharing, just share it. Leave out the preparation. Don’t derail your point by inviting speculation as to why you’re sharing an unpleasant perspective if you know in advance its unpleasant. I hope you understand that I’m trying to help you share your ideas--whether I agree with them or not--in the best possible and most constructive manner.
  - omonra 11y ago
    It's like an Asperger points competition here :) My take is that it's a polite thing to do. Like when a doctor says 'Sorry, this might sting a bit' before they do something. The doctor is not sorry - they're simply acknowledging that they are about to do something unpleasant because they are being polite. So is this. I feel that majority of people commenting are afraid to face the truth because they think acknowledging it makes them racist. Well that's what make me say 'Sorry' - as verbalizing it pierces their self-created bubble in which certain thoughts are considered crimethink.

omonra 11y ago

The 'sorry' part referred to my comment sticking out like a sore thumb. Every other comment goes on about racism, etc - while I see a problem inherent in the subset of individuals themselves. It's a social thing - to prepare the reader for what may strike them as an unpleasant (yet I believe is true) perspective.

RodericDay 11y ago
Wow you are really brave
picks_at_nits 11y ago
> It's a social thing - to prepare the reader for what may strike them as an unpleasant (yet I believe is true) perspective I’m perfectly aware of what this is supposed to do on the surface, but I am sharing with you that there is a discrepancy between what you claim to be doing and how at least one person perceives what you are actually doing. You may think that you’re preparing the reader for an unpleasant truth, but note that if what you were about to say was inarguably true, you could just say it and present the evidence. You yourself admit that it’s just a perspective, another way to say that it’s an opinion. So by prefacing your perspective with a disclaimer that you know in advance that you are going to present an unpleasant perspective, what you’re saying is that you are going to be unpleasant, you know you are going to be unpleasant, and you know that this isn’t an uncomfortable but incontrovertible truth like the Bible not being literally true. So what it comes down to is this: Instead of just giving an unpleasant perspective, you have given an unpleasant perspective AND told everyone that you know it’s unpleasant, know that it isn’t and incontrovertible truth, and are telling everyone any ways. This drags yourself into the discussion. Instead of just thinking about your perspective, we are also asked to think about the fact that the perspective is unpleasant, why it is unpleasant, why you choose to share an unpleasant perspective, why you announce it to us, and so forth. People might, for example, think that you say such things purely because you enjoy being controversial. Is that true? I don’t know! But when you tell me that you are bing controversial on top of actually being controversial, it’s certainly a reasonable thing to wonder. Which is why I go back to what I suggested to you: If your perspective is worth sharing, just share it. Leave out the preparation. Don’t derail your point by inviting speculation as to why you’re sharing an unpleasant perspective if you know in advance its unpleasant. I hope you understand that I’m trying to help you share your ideas--whether I agree with them or not--in the best possible and most constructive manner.
- omonra 11y ago
  It's like an Asperger points competition here :) My take is that it's a polite thing to do. Like when a doctor says 'Sorry, this might sting a bit' before they do something. The doctor is not sorry - they're simply acknowledging that they are about to do something unpleasant because they are being polite. So is this. I feel that majority of people commenting are afraid to face the truth because they think acknowledging it makes them racist. Well that's what make me say 'Sorry' - as verbalizing it pierces their self-created bubble in which certain thoughts are considered crimethink.