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I gotta wonder, do you actually have such confidence yourself that you assume that everything other people _does not_ comment was good? If so congratulations! A

by jonex 11y ago

I gotta wonder, do you actually have such confidence yourself that you assume that everything other people _does not_ comment was good? If so congratulations! A suggestion though, on how you could improve the confidence in people like me - who aren't sure everything not mentioned is good - would be to actually point out the positive parts even if you don't feel that it is necessary. I have to admit though, it took many years and a few courses in psychology until I finally could admit to myself and my surroundings that I actually need positive reinforcement, that negative reinforcement, even if true and relevant, could even be detrimental to my performance. I do agree on the importance of not just "say something positive", it has to be real, most people have probably filled their quota of obviously false/exaggerated complements in preschool. I myself struggle with finding the right balance between sounding patronizing and being overly critical.

MichaelGG 11y ago
I suppose there's a difference between when you're working with someone versus showing off to other people. If I'm doing a Show HN or I email a friend to check something out, sure I love flattery and compliments as anyone. It's within the technical scope of working together that I find it obnoxious. And it's not really self confidence[1]. It's more of an extension of principles of coding. Anyone can write a system that does X. But doing X when things go well, and doing it in the face of errors, edge cases, and other faults - that's what it's all about. For me, anyways, when I'm writing code "as an engineer". So I don't find it particularly notable that something works. Of course it " works ", or you wouldn't be telling or showing me in the first place! Likewise if I ask for a review and your only comment is " file buffer is too small " I'm gonna guess the rest is alright else you wouldn't bother pointing out smaller things. If I'm unsure about something, I'll ask about it explicitly. Outside of a feedback system like a code review, it is important to let people know you appreciate their work. And it's to my detriment that I don't let people know, honestly, when I appreciate them. But that's separate from mixing it in with criticism. 1: I've low confidence in my self confidence. On one hand I know I have a fairly good error rate and I'm objectively better than a lot of other developers. Yet, especially here on HN, I can plainly see I'm nothing special. But this doesn't really assure me that any particular piece of my work is good.
thaumasiotes 11y ago
tangential comment: > I gotta wonder, do you actually have such confidence yourself that you assume that everything other people _does not_ comment was good? If so congratulations! A suggestion though, on how you could improve the confidence in people like me - who aren't sure everything not mentioned is good - would be to actually point out the positive parts even if you don't feel that it is necessary. If you learn another language (a human language), and try to practice it with native speakers, you'll quickly notice that they never comment on your correct grammar. (It's not exactly common for people to comment on incorrect grammar either, but it can happen.) The only way to learn that your phrasing was correct is to ask outright, or observe someone producing an exact analogue of your sentence. This is a source of great aggravation to me, but things couldn't reasonably be any other way -- most of the correct stuff people say is stuff that they already knew was correct.

by jonex 11y ago

MichaelGG 11y ago

I suppose there's a difference between when you're working with someone versus showing off to other people. If I'm doing a Show HN or I email a friend to check something out, sure I love flattery and compliments as anyone. It's within the technical scope of working together that I find it obnoxious. And it's not really self confidence[1]. It's more of an extension of principles of coding. Anyone can write a system that does X. But doing X when things go well, and doing it in the face of errors, edge cases, and other faults - that's what it's all about. For me, anyways, when I'm writing code "as an engineer". So I don't find it particularly notable that something works. Of course it " works ", or you wouldn't be telling or showing me in the first place! Likewise if I ask for a review and your only comment is " file buffer is too small " I'm gonna guess the rest is alright else you wouldn't bother pointing out smaller things. If I'm unsure about something, I'll ask about it explicitly. Outside of a feedback system like a code review, it is important to let people know you appreciate their work. And it's to my detriment that I don't let people know, honestly, when I appreciate them. But that's separate from mixing it in with criticism. 1: I've low confidence in my self confidence. On one hand I know I have a fairly good error rate and I'm objectively better than a lot of other developers. Yet, especially here on HN, I can plainly see I'm nothing special. But this doesn't really assure me that any particular piece of my work is good.

thaumasiotes 11y ago

tangential comment: > I gotta wonder, do you actually have such confidence yourself that you assume that everything other people _does not_ comment was good? If so congratulations! A suggestion though, on how you could improve the confidence in people like me - who aren't sure everything not mentioned is good - would be to actually point out the positive parts even if you don't feel that it is necessary. If you learn another language (a human language), and try to practice it with native speakers, you'll quickly notice that they never comment on your correct grammar. (It's not exactly common for people to comment on incorrect grammar either, but it can happen.) The only way to learn that your phrasing was correct is to ask outright, or observe someone producing an exact analogue of your sentence. This is a source of great aggravation to me, but things couldn't reasonably be any other way -- most of the correct stuff people say is stuff that they already knew was correct.