3 ms·

Well, doesn't How to Win Friends and Influence People offer advice like sincere and lavish praise? That's low-status, unless coming from the position of an auth

Well, doesn't How to Win Friends and Influence People offer advice like sincere and lavish praise? That's low-status, unless coming from the position of an authority position (high-status). Maybe I'll do some experiments. Something else I am interested in is how social/contextual status subconsciously sabotages people in the context of sport or business.

pchristensen 17y ago
(before I get started, I can't praise HTWFAIP enough - http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories/ http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories...) It's not low status unless you overdo it. Everyone enjoys validation for what they do, and while some people get more praise than they want for some things they do ("Hey, Michael Jordan, great game!"), there are other parts of them that are starving. People are not monolithic, they're made of many facets. One example from the book was of a guy who built theater seats trying to get a deal with a bigwig from Kodak. No one ever got to meet with Mr Bigwig for more than 5 minutes, and Mr. Theater had to wait months for his 5 min appt. When he went in, Bigwig was gruffly resistant to a sales pitch, but Theater first complimented his fine wood paneled office. That disarmed Bigwig and got him talking about how he used to really care about carpentry and craftsmanship but has been taken over too much by his work. Two hours of conversation, no mention of the theater, and next week Bigwig ordered the chairs for his new theater fro Mr Theater. Complimenting Bigwig's business acumen or wealth would have had no (or probably negative) effect, but there was another part of him that was starved for recognition. Enough rambling, go read the book! You can find a pdf online if you poke around.
- dhs 17y ago
  Found the PDF. Thanks for giving that clue :-)
nazgulnarsil 17y ago
agree with what pchristensen said. a lot of people read HTWFAIP and the next week they're smarmily complimenting everyone. when this doesn't work they assume the book is bull shit and go about their lives. this isn't how it works. the compliments have to be genuine. as mentioned in the anecdote, the compliment is just a way to segue from business into genuine engagement with the other person. this would never work if the compliment wasn't about something of substance. anyhoo. the main thing I took from the book in combination with everything I've learned about behaviorism and cognitive bias leads me to believe that the underlying trick is to bolster people's internal narratives. everyone constructs a narrative of their life in which they're the hero, validating this narrative will win you loyalty like you wouldn't believe as deep down, it's a major part of what everyone wants.

pchristensen 17y ago

(before I get started, I can't praise HTWFAIP enough - http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories/ http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories...) It's not low status unless you overdo it. Everyone enjoys validation for what they do, and while some people get more praise than they want for some things they do ("Hey, Michael Jordan, great game!"), there are other parts of them that are starving. People are not monolithic, they're made of many facets. One example from the book was of a guy who built theater seats trying to get a deal with a bigwig from Kodak. No one ever got to meet with Mr Bigwig for more than 5 minutes, and Mr. Theater had to wait months for his 5 min appt. When he went in, Bigwig was gruffly resistant to a sales pitch, but Theater first complimented his fine wood paneled office. That disarmed Bigwig and got him talking about how he used to really care about carpentry and craftsmanship but has been taken over too much by his work. Two hours of conversation, no mention of the theater, and next week Bigwig ordered the chairs for his new theater fro Mr Theater. Complimenting Bigwig's business acumen or wealth would have had no (or probably negative) effect, but there was another part of him that was starved for recognition. Enough rambling, go read the book! You can find a pdf online if you poke around.

dhs 17y ago
Found the PDF. Thanks for giving that clue :-)

nazgulnarsil 17y ago

agree with what pchristensen said. a lot of people read HTWFAIP and the next week they're smarmily complimenting everyone. when this doesn't work they assume the book is bull shit and go about their lives. this isn't how it works. the compliments have to be genuine. as mentioned in the anecdote, the compliment is just a way to segue from business into genuine engagement with the other person. this would never work if the compliment wasn't about something of substance. anyhoo. the main thing I took from the book in combination with everything I've learned about behaviorism and cognitive bias leads me to believe that the underlying trick is to bolster people's internal narratives. everyone constructs a narrative of their life in which they're the hero, validating this narrative will win you loyalty like you wouldn't believe as deep down, it's a major part of what everyone wants.