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That article is tremendously helpful because I don't have a natural intuitive grasp of status. Thank you. One thing that confuses me is when it's strategic to

That article is tremendously helpful because I don't have a natural intuitive grasp of status. Thank you. One thing that confuses me is when it's strategic to act high status, and when it's strategic to act low status. For example, sometimes, when you need something from someone - do you want to raise their status, and make them like you? Or do you want to convey high status, so they will want to associate with you? Or should you try to juggle raising your status and then lowering it, in order to achieve the illusion of parity? E.g. Selling to a customer, getting a job, getting help with something in the workplace. . . Somebody has got to have written something about this. Please help.

nazgulnarsil 17y ago
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. the original. so lucid I doubt it will ever be dethroned as the best. hmm, can't find an online version right now even though I know multiple sites have a plain text version. anyone have a link? a direct answer: I personally think it's better to act high status the vast majority of the time, only acting lower status when it is absolutely required. when I started doing this people's reaction to me immensely improved (night and day difference).
- zackattack 17y ago
  Well, doesn't How to Win Friends and Influence People offer advice like sincere and lavish praise? That's low-status, unless coming from the position of an authority position (high-status). Maybe I'll do some experiments. Something else I am interested in is how social/contextual status subconsciously sabotages people in the context of sport or business.
  - pchristensen 17y ago
    (before I get started, I can't praise HTWFAIP enough - http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories/ http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories...) It's not low status unless you overdo it. Everyone enjoys validation for what they do, and while some people get more praise than they want for some things they do ("Hey, Michael Jordan, great game!"), there are other parts of them that are starving. People are not monolithic, they're made of many facets. One example from the book was of a guy who built theater seats trying to get a deal with a bigwig from Kodak. No one ever got to meet with Mr Bigwig for more than 5 minutes, and Mr. Theater had to wait months for his 5 min appt. When he went in, Bigwig was gruffly resistant to a sales pitch, but Theater first complimented his fine wood paneled office. That disarmed Bigwig and got him talking about how he used to really care about carpentry and craftsmanship but has been taken over too much by his work. Two hours of conversation, no mention of the theater, and next week Bigwig ordered the chairs for his new theater fro Mr Theater. Complimenting Bigwig's business acumen or wealth would have had no (or probably negative) effect, but there was another part of him that was starved for recognition. Enough rambling, go read the book! You can find a pdf online if you poke around.
    - dhs 17y ago
      Found the PDF. Thanks for giving that clue :-)
  - nazgulnarsil 17y ago
    agree with what pchristensen said. a lot of people read HTWFAIP and the next week they're smarmily complimenting everyone. when this doesn't work they assume the book is bull shit and go about their lives. this isn't how it works. the compliments have to be genuine. as mentioned in the anecdote, the compliment is just a way to segue from business into genuine engagement with the other person. this would never work if the compliment wasn't about something of substance. anyhoo. the main thing I took from the book in combination with everything I've learned about behaviorism and cognitive bias leads me to believe that the underlying trick is to bolster people's internal narratives. everyone constructs a narrative of their life in which they're the hero, validating this narrative will win you loyalty like you wouldn't believe as deep down, it's a major part of what everyone wants.
- netcan 17y ago
  I recommend listening instead of reading it for those who sometimes find self betterment books hard to stomach. One of the reasons this book is easier to digest then a lot of its modern equivalents is that because it is old. It's easier to seperate fad from truth. It evokes less troublesome emotional responses for the same reason that the Trojan War evokes less troublesome emotional responses then the war in Afghanistan. Listening seems to highlight that. http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/entry/offers/partnerPromotions.jsp?BV_UseBVCookie=Yes&productID=BK_SANS_000536 http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/entry/offers/partnerPromoti...

nazgulnarsil 17y ago

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. the original. so lucid I doubt it will ever be dethroned as the best. hmm, can't find an online version right now even though I know multiple sites have a plain text version. anyone have a link? a direct answer: I personally think it's better to act high status the vast majority of the time, only acting lower status when it is absolutely required. when I started doing this people's reaction to me immensely improved (night and day difference).

zackattack 17y ago
Well, doesn't How to Win Friends and Influence People offer advice like sincere and lavish praise? That's low-status, unless coming from the position of an authority position (high-status). Maybe I'll do some experiments. Something else I am interested in is how social/contextual status subconsciously sabotages people in the context of sport or business.
- pchristensen 17y ago
  (before I get started, I can't praise HTWFAIP enough - http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories/ http://www.pchristensen.com/blog/articles/verifying-theories...) It's not low status unless you overdo it. Everyone enjoys validation for what they do, and while some people get more praise than they want for some things they do ("Hey, Michael Jordan, great game!"), there are other parts of them that are starving. People are not monolithic, they're made of many facets. One example from the book was of a guy who built theater seats trying to get a deal with a bigwig from Kodak. No one ever got to meet with Mr Bigwig for more than 5 minutes, and Mr. Theater had to wait months for his 5 min appt. When he went in, Bigwig was gruffly resistant to a sales pitch, but Theater first complimented his fine wood paneled office. That disarmed Bigwig and got him talking about how he used to really care about carpentry and craftsmanship but has been taken over too much by his work. Two hours of conversation, no mention of the theater, and next week Bigwig ordered the chairs for his new theater fro Mr Theater. Complimenting Bigwig's business acumen or wealth would have had no (or probably negative) effect, but there was another part of him that was starved for recognition. Enough rambling, go read the book! You can find a pdf online if you poke around.
  - dhs 17y ago
    Found the PDF. Thanks for giving that clue :-)
- nazgulnarsil 17y ago
  agree with what pchristensen said. a lot of people read HTWFAIP and the next week they're smarmily complimenting everyone. when this doesn't work they assume the book is bull shit and go about their lives. this isn't how it works. the compliments have to be genuine. as mentioned in the anecdote, the compliment is just a way to segue from business into genuine engagement with the other person. this would never work if the compliment wasn't about something of substance. anyhoo. the main thing I took from the book in combination with everything I've learned about behaviorism and cognitive bias leads me to believe that the underlying trick is to bolster people's internal narratives. everyone constructs a narrative of their life in which they're the hero, validating this narrative will win you loyalty like you wouldn't believe as deep down, it's a major part of what everyone wants.
netcan 17y ago
I recommend listening instead of reading it for those who sometimes find self betterment books hard to stomach. One of the reasons this book is easier to digest then a lot of its modern equivalents is that because it is old. It's easier to seperate fad from truth. It evokes less troublesome emotional responses for the same reason that the Trojan War evokes less troublesome emotional responses then the war in Afghanistan. Listening seems to highlight that. http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/entry/offers/partnerPromotions.jsp?BV_UseBVCookie=Yes&productID=BK_SANS_000536 http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/entry/offers/partnerPromoti...