5 ms·

I will accept many corrections for the benefit of diversity, but when even the majority of the disadvantaged group uses the word in a non-hostile way, I stop fe

by ta82828 11y ago

I will accept many corrections for the benefit of diversity, but when even the majority of the disadvantaged group uses the word in a non-hostile way, I stop feeling like I'm being asked to be helpful and start feeling like I'm being micromanaged and controlled by people who refuse to take into account the obvious intent of my words that the majority of listeners understand. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You#Informal_plural_forms http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You#Informal_plural_forms Informal plural forms Despite you being both singular and plural, some dialects retain the distinction between a singular and plural you with different words. Examples of such pronouns sometimes seen and heard are: ... you guys – U.S.,[2] particularly in the Midwest, Northeast, South Florida and West Coast; Canada, Australia. Used regardless of the genders of those referred to ... (I live, work, and went to school in Northeastern U.S.)

4ydx 11y ago
If you explain your intent and they still feel offended, I do wonder how one should react to that. It feels to me like someone who is being pedantic who thinks they are "right". Who knows, maybe it does offend enough people that this usage will decline.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- ta82828 11y ago
  Well, it's judgement call, but offense alone is not enough to change behavior IMO. There was a case where a person reading a history book about the KKK in the presence of blacks was accused of harassment because the picture on the cover depicted: the KKK. That's just ridiculous.
  - 4ydx 11y ago
    I just realized that my wording was pretty vague. I would err on the side of not changing your attitude. I say this primarily because using one persons reaction (or even a few peoples reactions) to something you do as a test for deciding if you should reevaluate yourself would make you chase your tail like a dog: there would be no end to it. But yeah it is mostly about intent, in my mind. Disagreement is necessary but not sufficient for change.
- Frondo 11y ago
  If you care about them and want them not to be offended, you'll change your behavior. If you don't care about them and don't care if they're offended, keep on doing whatever.
  - ta82828 11y ago
    Automatically changing your behavior every time someone is offended is not rational. Sometimes people are unreasonable in taking offense: http://www.nbcnews.com/id/25680655/ns/us_news-life/t/university-says-sorry-janitor-over-kkk-book/#.VS0_ieH1IZM http://www.nbcnews.com/id/25680655/ns/us_news-life/t/univers...
    - Frondo 11y ago
      If you care about someone, and they're offended, then you'll change your behavior. I'd venture to guess you're also both rational adults, and you if care about someone, and they're offended at lots of different stuff (sexist language, passing clouds, the endless sea), then you could talk about why passing clouds and the endless sea offend them. This really comes down to human decency; if you see women as people first, worthy of respect and care, then you'll probably want to minimize how much you offend them, instead of placing the problem of being offended on them.
      - bigdealjim 11y ago
        But that right there is exactly the problem I have with people like this. Being offended is a choice. People choose to be offended. One might hear something they perceive as offensive and they're given a choice: Did this person actively choose to offend me, or am I taking this the wrong way? In one choice, you assume that most people are generally good, have good intentions, and aren't out to get you. In the other choice, you position yourself as someone under attack, or someone at the lesser end of a power dynamic.
        Frondo 11y ago
        Again, if you respect the person you're standing next to, the person who's now offended by something you've said, then you're probably going to act a certain way: you're probably going to hear them out about you offended them, and you'll probably want to apologize and then amend your behavior. Can you reconcile "I respect you" and "I'm not going to acknowledge your being offended, but instead will tell you how you're wrong"?

by ta82828 11y ago

4ydx 11y ago

If you explain your intent and they still feel offended, I do wonder how one should react to that. It feels to me like someone who is being pedantic who thinks they are "right". Who knows, maybe it does offend enough people that this usage will decline.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
ta82828 11y ago
Well, it's judgement call, but offense alone is not enough to change behavior IMO. There was a case where a person reading a history book about the KKK in the presence of blacks was accused of harassment because the picture on the cover depicted: the KKK. That's just ridiculous.
- 4ydx 11y ago
  I just realized that my wording was pretty vague. I would err on the side of not changing your attitude. I say this primarily because using one persons reaction (or even a few peoples reactions) to something you do as a test for deciding if you should reevaluate yourself would make you chase your tail like a dog: there would be no end to it. But yeah it is mostly about intent, in my mind. Disagreement is necessary but not sufficient for change.
Frondo 11y ago
If you care about them and want them not to be offended, you'll change your behavior. If you don't care about them and don't care if they're offended, keep on doing whatever.
- ta82828 11y ago
  Automatically changing your behavior every time someone is offended is not rational. Sometimes people are unreasonable in taking offense: http://www.nbcnews.com/id/25680655/ns/us_news-life/t/university-says-sorry-janitor-over-kkk-book/#.VS0_ieH1IZM http://www.nbcnews.com/id/25680655/ns/us_news-life/t/univers...
  - Frondo 11y ago
    If you care about someone, and they're offended, then you'll change your behavior. I'd venture to guess you're also both rational adults, and you if care about someone, and they're offended at lots of different stuff (sexist language, passing clouds, the endless sea), then you could talk about why passing clouds and the endless sea offend them. This really comes down to human decency; if you see women as people first, worthy of respect and care, then you'll probably want to minimize how much you offend them, instead of placing the problem of being offended on them.
    - bigdealjim 11y ago
      But that right there is exactly the problem I have with people like this. Being offended is a choice. People choose to be offended. One might hear something they perceive as offensive and they're given a choice: Did this person actively choose to offend me, or am I taking this the wrong way? In one choice, you assume that most people are generally good, have good intentions, and aren't out to get you. In the other choice, you position yourself as someone under attack, or someone at the lesser end of a power dynamic.
      - Frondo 11y ago
        Again, if you respect the person you're standing next to, the person who's now offended by something you've said, then you're probably going to act a certain way: you're probably going to hear them out about you offended them, and you'll probably want to apologize and then amend your behavior. Can you reconcile "I respect you" and "I'm not going to acknowledge your being offended, but instead will tell you how you're wrong"?