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Maybe it's because by the age of forty you've probably run out of the steam that comes free, mostly from the external expectations of what you should do. It's
by yason 12y ago
Maybe it's because by the age of forty you've probably run out of the steam that comes free, mostly from the external expectations of what you should do.
It's easy to finish school, go study something, then get a job, get a better job, start a family, have kids and pay for the bills because you don't really have to think much about what do you want from your life. Where did you come from? Why are you here? What are you to do here? What's your call in life? But the crisis that happens roughly at midlife brings those questions to the surface: "Is this all to it? What is going on and where am I in it?"
Men are not necessarily as socially integrated as women. Going through the big questions alone is something a lot of people simply don't survive. They are likely to lose their momentum in life, often get depressed, and at the extreme end some even kill themselves because too many old things turn out to be meaningless. Some become workaholics or develop a way to escape the emptiness and recreate purpose artificially. But a lot of men just lose the momentum, or a significant part of it. In contrast, more women talk to other women or therapists or relatives about what they're going through. In the average, it looks like that women seem to get energized in midlife whereas men seem to lose power.
It then depends on the man himself whether he's the kind who will eventually emerge and see his vision for life more clearly than before or who will lose his sight for life more or less permanently. Social circles with positive examples of what men can, at the best, grow into in their 40's and 50's could make a big difference but there aren't many of those these days.
- Red_Tarsius 12y agoI agree with you. Let me add that many accomplished people didn't achieve much before old age. The media has been spreading the myth that success only lies in the youth. Here's a very interesting HN comment section on the article "Does life end at 35?": https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6640430 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6640430
- toyg 12y ago> In the average, it looks like that women seem to get energized in midlife whereas men seem to lose power. Could this be natural, in a way? Women have always had to look after the wellbeing and social standing of their offspring, because their own survival derived from them more often than not. By 40, they either have teen-aged kids in their formative years, or they're grandmothers; in both cases, they must be at full steam. This has not changed much in modern times, if anything it's become easier to deal with (they are not going to starve if their children don't work on the farm). Men have a different set of "natural" expectations. Fighters by 40 were either dead or veterans with respected social status; agricultural workers would be phasing out, with children taking over some of their duties. This is very different now: a lot of men at 40 have average jobs that will expect the same level of performance day-in day-out, no "phasing out" allowed (especially in tight economic times) and no real social status either. It's easy to feel dejected when looking back.
- cpursley 12y agoI know this does not apply to all situations, but if your circumstances allow (and spouse is on board) - delay having children until you have these answers. Or at least understand that you don't have all the answers (and may never) early as possible. That way it does not sneak up on you. Think stoically about the future and be mindful of the present.