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This article resonates with me. My dad is an successful electrical engineer who people look up-to. I on the other hand hated physics and was never good enough

by 1971genocide 12y ago

This article resonates with me. My dad is an successful electrical engineer who people look up-to. I on the other hand hated physics and was never good enough for it. I took an alternate path to do Computer Science which I feel terrible about since I am not sure if I love it because I hated Physics or I choose it because I found it easier. The cost of failure is really high, not because I will end up in the streets which I personally do not have a problem with but I would have to live with the fact that I would have let down what is expected of me. I would have no excuse since biologically I should be able to do it. There are no disadvantages or excuses I can point out to. I have noticed this among many of my white male friends. They seem to have a higher burden when it comes to proving themselves in society. White male problems do not compare to everyone else's problem but its still something that needs to be addressed since mental stress is no joke.

malvosenior 12y ago
I wouldn't say that white male problems don't compare because there are a bunch of very poor and struggling white males. That being said, I think even the wealthiest most privileged people are often under a great deal of stress. They may have more pressure to marry someone from another wealthy family, there's the stress of expectations you mention... I'm a hispanic male and often it can be easy to look at people from more economically privileged backgrounds and think to myself "they have it so easy!", but it's not really true. Maybe they have some things easier but they almost certainly have others harder. I've worked myself up a few rungs on the socioeconomic ladder and each time I go up, I feel as if I gain some things and lose others. I never felt more free than when I was a poor person, but I would never go back :)
- rndn 12y ago
  I read somewhere that stress before and during exams is commonly as extreme as war and near death experiences. In some cases there isn't that much of a difference biochemically, so I think there is certainly some 'social relativity' even if the first world is very privileged.
jtzhou 12y ago
Yes, living up to someone else's expectations is a difficult challenge. It becomes more acute when you are a single child, or come from an immigrant family who sacrificed a lot for you to be there, because you have to live up to both of your parents expectations and carry on the family lineage. Simply going to Davis and becoming a nurse or teacher in Fremont, while your friends are celebrating at frat parties at Princeton or Yale, feels like you are letting people down.
- ScottBurson 12y ago
  Even some who seem to have made it have the same problem. I am reminded of the suicide of Stanford grad student May Zhou [0]. I read some of the statements her father made after her death and was struck by how he was convinced that he knew exactly how she was feeling about her life -- but never said anything about having asked her. My take is that he never gave her any space to be her own person with her own feelings, her own desires, her own dreams -- and though she was outwardly as successful as anyone could want, it wasn't what she wanted to be doing, and she saw no way out of the life her father had designed for her other than killing herself. [0] http://www.sfgate.com/education/article/Stanford-student-committed-suicide-with-pills-2545462.php http://www.sfgate.com/education/article/Stanford-student-com...
deleted 12y ago
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malvosenior 12y ago

I wouldn't say that white male problems don't compare because there are a bunch of very poor and struggling white males. That being said, I think even the wealthiest most privileged people are often under a great deal of stress. They may have more pressure to marry someone from another wealthy family, there's the stress of expectations you mention... I'm a hispanic male and often it can be easy to look at people from more economically privileged backgrounds and think to myself "they have it so easy!", but it's not really true. Maybe they have some things easier but they almost certainly have others harder. I've worked myself up a few rungs on the socioeconomic ladder and each time I go up, I feel as if I gain some things and lose others. I never felt more free than when I was a poor person, but I would never go back :)

rndn 12y ago
I read somewhere that stress before and during exams is commonly as extreme as war and near death experiences. In some cases there isn't that much of a difference biochemically, so I think there is certainly some 'social relativity' even if the first world is very privileged.

jtzhou 12y ago

Yes, living up to someone else's expectations is a difficult challenge. It becomes more acute when you are a single child, or come from an immigrant family who sacrificed a lot for you to be there, because you have to live up to both of your parents expectations and carry on the family lineage. Simply going to Davis and becoming a nurse or teacher in Fremont, while your friends are celebrating at frat parties at Princeton or Yale, feels like you are letting people down.

ScottBurson 12y ago
Even some who seem to have made it have the same problem. I am reminded of the suicide of Stanford grad student May Zhou [0]. I read some of the statements her father made after her death and was struck by how he was convinced that he knew exactly how she was feeling about her life -- but never said anything about having asked her. My take is that he never gave her any space to be her own person with her own feelings, her own desires, her own dreams -- and though she was outwardly as successful as anyone could want, it wasn't what she wanted to be doing, and she saw no way out of the life her father had designed for her other than killing herself. [0] http://www.sfgate.com/education/article/Stanford-student-committed-suicide-with-pills-2545462.php http://www.sfgate.com/education/article/Stanford-student-com...

deleted 12y ago

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