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I know this is probably not the best place to put this answer but I hope it finds its way to you and help you in your search. I was born christian and 10+ year

I know this is probably not the best place to put this answer but I hope it finds its way to you and help you in your search. I was born christian and 10+ years ago lost my faith and became a "non believer". I had a few scares during my wife's pregnancy a few months ago and I remember waiting outside the emergency room and wandering what to do. I didn't believe in God or anything, I had nothing to comfort me or give me hope. Then I realized "I am not strong enough to be an atheist". Don't get me wrong, I didn't overnight turn into a devout christian but I started doubting my doubts and my lack of faith and re-examining a few things. Fast forward a couple of months and my twins were born and I wanted to baptize them. A good friend of mine told me why bother if you don't believe. When we baptize in our church we have to raise our right hand, face the alter and accept the trinity. I didn't want to be a hypocrite and do that knowingly that I didn't believe. So I went and talked to the priest and told him how I felt. I asked him to recommend books to help me "convert back", help me believe. Surprisingly, he told me "what's the point? anything you read, you will question, doubt and read with the intention to find holes" so his only recommendation is to pray once a day and read one chapter from the new testament every day. He told me I don't have to understand or believe what I am reading but he told me to do it for a month and see what happens. I am 2 weeks into it. It's hard. I still don't 100% believe. But there is something changing. I don't know what it is but I will continue with this journey and see where it leads me. On a side note, I read a fantastic book that answered a ton of my questions - it is called The Reason For God by Timothy Keller. Very easy read and targets people like us - educated and secular with tons of doubt. I know these are not solutions to your problems but maybe you will find comfort and hope in christianity. PS: Please keep the "religion hate" speech to a minimum - I have heard it all - actually I have said it all :)

wallzz 12y ago
Religion is like cancer, ones it got to you, its very hard to get rid of it.
decentrality 11y ago
"belief is the source and solution of all problems" I believe Plato said that. I believe he also said that of alcohol. Rather than the age old "either X exists or it doesn't" your entire thing unraveled right here: "I am not strong enough to be an atheist" Anything from that point on had a 'motivating circumstance' behind it, a bias, a solution being sought. Now, the concept of 'pray once a day' will be accepted, because a certain belief is already had: that belief is the issue, not a certain state or mode of being. A certain "strength" -- I believe you hit that on the head. There is a certain quality of person, called atheism. Some of the "best" religious people I know, while having a "faith" are what I could also call atheist, in the purest sense: not just in an ideological sense, but in an active one: did they do that "all by themselves" or were they rubbing the magic rabbit foot all the way there? When they wanted to reach out for help, did they do it? Or did they endure? The thing that is changing is a different mode of being taking root: one of operating on belief, rather than on your own. The answer when you cannot cope is not to find a mechanism to cope, a crutch, but to just endure or execute the thing. It is about strength. Sometimes it's about accepting things without a reason: what if one of your twins died? Exactly why is that "bad" per se? It feels like shit, yes, but all you can really say is that you currently do not want that. Petitioning someone for your desire is pure and simple. Making it into "I couldn't take it anymore so I felt too weak to be atheist" is just covering over the fact that you really really wanted your wife and kids to be ok. That is your religion then. It's strong enough of a source of desire that you'd reach outside yourself to manipulate the universe itself if you had to, to cause the outcome you wanted. It could be said that is what the deity concept is. It's a mutable global variable ( which is not threadsafe ) designed to circumvent your own individuality and provide a hack to route-around the system as it is, allowing you to not learn or grow, just have what you want. Confusingly, some people have a deathwish or a sense of inferiority, so they get what they want so much easier.

wallzz 12y ago

Religion is like cancer, ones it got to you, its very hard to get rid of it.

decentrality 11y ago

"belief is the source and solution of all problems" I believe Plato said that. I believe he also said that of alcohol. Rather than the age old "either X exists or it doesn't" your entire thing unraveled right here: "I am not strong enough to be an atheist" Anything from that point on had a 'motivating circumstance' behind it, a bias, a solution being sought. Now, the concept of 'pray once a day' will be accepted, because a certain belief is already had: that belief is the issue, not a certain state or mode of being. A certain "strength" -- I believe you hit that on the head. There is a certain quality of person, called atheism. Some of the "best" religious people I know, while having a "faith" are what I could also call atheist, in the purest sense: not just in an ideological sense, but in an active one: did they do that "all by themselves" or were they rubbing the magic rabbit foot all the way there? When they wanted to reach out for help, did they do it? Or did they endure? The thing that is changing is a different mode of being taking root: one of operating on belief, rather than on your own. The answer when you cannot cope is not to find a mechanism to cope, a crutch, but to just endure or execute the thing. It is about strength. Sometimes it's about accepting things without a reason: what if one of your twins died? Exactly why is that "bad" per se? It feels like shit, yes, but all you can really say is that you currently do not want that. Petitioning someone for your desire is pure and simple. Making it into "I couldn't take it anymore so I felt too weak to be atheist" is just covering over the fact that you really really wanted your wife and kids to be ok. That is your religion then. It's strong enough of a source of desire that you'd reach outside yourself to manipulate the universe itself if you had to, to cause the outcome you wanted. It could be said that is what the deity concept is. It's a mutable global variable ( which is not threadsafe ) designed to circumvent your own individuality and provide a hack to route-around the system as it is, allowing you to not learn or grow, just have what you want. Confusingly, some people have a deathwish or a sense of inferiority, so they get what they want so much easier.