4 ms·

Why I Tell Everyone My Age

11 points by ckdarby 12y ago

serve_yay 12y ago
A good piece, I think. The author is entirely correct that perceptions can be managed in one's favor. Simply withholding your age isn't going to do much anyway - if you seem confident people will guess older, if you seem more flighty or whatever they'll guess younger.
wtbob 12y ago
> You Control Exactly How To Be Perceived I think that this is exactly what it all boils down to. There are two types of people in the world: victims and doers. Victims see themselves as the object of every sentence: everything happens to them. They tend to see conspiracies as explanations for bad things ('everyone thinks that I'm too young!') in their lives. Doers see themselves as the subject of every sentence: they do everything. The tend to see themselves as the explanation for the good and bad in their lives. Incidentally, the above doesn't mean that the victims are wrong and the doers are right: it's entirely possible that one's misfortunes are the result of others' actions, and it's entirely possible that one's belief of empowerment is a delusion. But here's why it's better to be a doer than a victim, even if you're wrong: because the only person whose actions you can truly control are your own. If you want to be seen as young-and-daring, then be young and daring. If you want to be seen as wise and thoughtful, then be wise and thoughtful. If you want to do something and ought to do it, then do it. A victim wails on about how others ought to see him one way or another, about how he ought to be allowed or enabled to do something. A doer decides what he wants, and achieves it. Which would you rather be? Which would you rather work with? Which would you rather the world be full of?
- lgas 12y ago
  In psychology the term for what you are describing is "locus of control" -- your "doers" have an internal locus of control, and your "victims" have an external locus of control. There is evidence that having an internal locus of control correlates positively with increased happiness, success, etc. See http://rationality.org/2015/03/22/taking-control-of-your-happiness-and-productivity/ http://rationality.org/2015/03/22/taking-control-of-your-hap... and http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/lzy/against_the_internal_locus_of_control/ http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/lzy/against_the_interna... for further discussion of the topic.
dcole2929 12y ago
I don't disagree with anything the author writes in this article but I still think he's missing the point. When you're male and in tech of course you can shape how people perceive your age. You can do that as a male even outside of tech but that is not what the original article is talking about. This author is using an apples to apples comparison when in this case it's really more apples to oranges. The author of the original piece repeatedly and consistently reinforces the point that she's speaking of an issue that affects woman. Again she's also not in tech proper. As usual things work very differently in tech than they do elsewhere in Corporate America. Youth is seen as advantage in tech and that's not the case in a lot of industries.
- ckdarby 12y ago
  The author in the original piece starts off pointing out the new era of age discrimination, then starts to add 'women' through her statement and at no point states the issue is age discrimination only for women in a specific industry. The original piece also has broad statements such as, "Every woman". It is nearly impossible to write a response post with a perfect comparison when someone structures their post without a clear message.
  - dcole2929 12y ago
    Agreed with your last point. However her language very clearly indicates she is speaking about an issue woman face. She almost exclusively uses female pronouns and variations of woman and female. She doesn't speak to industry at all, I just noticed that all of her examples are non tech related while as the author of the response piece specifically uses his own personal example as a startup founder. Which to me makes it seem like we are not dealing with like things. Male Vs Female. Tech vs Corporate America

11 points by ckdarby 12y ago

A good piece, I think. The author is entirely correct that perceptions can be managed in one's favor. Simply withholding your age isn't going to do much anyway - if you seem confident people will guess older, if you seem more flighty or whatever they'll guess younger.

wtbob 12y ago

> You Control Exactly How To Be Perceived I think that this is exactly what it all boils down to. There are two types of people in the world: victims and doers. Victims see themselves as the object of every sentence: everything happens to them. They tend to see conspiracies as explanations for bad things ('everyone thinks that I'm too young!') in their lives. Doers see themselves as the subject of every sentence: they do everything. The tend to see themselves as the explanation for the good and bad in their lives. Incidentally, the above doesn't mean that the victims are wrong and the doers are right: it's entirely possible that one's misfortunes are the result of others' actions, and it's entirely possible that one's belief of empowerment is a delusion. But here's why it's better to be a doer than a victim, even if you're wrong: because the only person whose actions you can truly control are your own. If you want to be seen as young-and-daring, then be young and daring. If you want to be seen as wise and thoughtful, then be wise and thoughtful. If you want to do something and ought to do it, then do it. A victim wails on about how others ought to see him one way or another, about how he ought to be allowed or enabled to do something. A doer decides what he wants, and achieves it. Which would you rather be? Which would you rather work with? Which would you rather the world be full of?

lgas 12y ago
In psychology the term for what you are describing is "locus of control" -- your "doers" have an internal locus of control, and your "victims" have an external locus of control. There is evidence that having an internal locus of control correlates positively with increased happiness, success, etc. See http://rationality.org/2015/03/22/taking-control-of-your-happiness-and-productivity/ http://rationality.org/2015/03/22/taking-control-of-your-hap... and http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/lzy/against_the_internal_locus_of_control/ http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/lzy/against_the_interna... for further discussion of the topic.

dcole2929 12y ago

I don't disagree with anything the author writes in this article but I still think he's missing the point. When you're male and in tech of course you can shape how people perceive your age. You can do that as a male even outside of tech but that is not what the original article is talking about. This author is using an apples to apples comparison when in this case it's really more apples to oranges. The author of the original piece repeatedly and consistently reinforces the point that she's speaking of an issue that affects woman. Again she's also not in tech proper. As usual things work very differently in tech than they do elsewhere in Corporate America. Youth is seen as advantage in tech and that's not the case in a lot of industries.

ckdarby 12y ago
The author in the original piece starts off pointing out the new era of age discrimination, then starts to add 'women' through her statement and at no point states the issue is age discrimination only for women in a specific industry. The original piece also has broad statements such as, "Every woman". It is nearly impossible to write a response post with a perfect comparison when someone structures their post without a clear message.
- dcole2929 12y ago
  Agreed with your last point. However her language very clearly indicates she is speaking about an issue woman face. She almost exclusively uses female pronouns and variations of woman and female. She doesn't speak to industry at all, I just noticed that all of her examples are non tech related while as the author of the response piece specifically uses his own personal example as a startup founder. Which to me makes it seem like we are not dealing with like things. Male Vs Female. Tech vs Corporate America