3 ms·

Go outside and talk to humans, old people, rich people, and get laid. No reading necessary.

afarrell 12y ago
> get laid That's a bad goal to direct you to anything useful. Trying really hard to just plain get laid is a self defeating quest because you'll probably creep people out in the process and make them not trust you enough to share their experiences (much less their sexuality) with you.
- throwmeunder 12y ago
  And in turn learn social cues, how to approach people, rejection. Mistakes will hurt a bit more than at 16 yo but at the same time the social circle is more mature as well and can express themselves better if necessary. Also I agree that it's better to not have that as a end goal but if the person feels it as a burden, sex is a great tool for validation and ego boost. And it certainly is a quick way to bond with someone. Also in the pursuit of it people can really focus on improving themselves. Again it might be unhealthy to try really hard and in turn alienate people but it can also be motivating and can help sometimes. Especially if the person is mature enough and recognises normal limits. edit:Sorry. I got lost in the comment chain and missed the context of your post, sorry if that edit comes after your post.
- angersock 12y ago
  It's worked for tens of thousands of years, so I think it's a reasonable goal. If somebody's goal is to understand sexuality, they should be out interacting with other people instead of reading books.
  - NhanH 12y ago
    Actually, unless I'm severely mistaken, most people managed the get laid over the last tens of thousands of years, but they're mostly terrible at understanding human and relationships. I've seen too many relatives, elders and generally people around me making one too many mistakes -- some even seems to do everything wrong. And I'm rather scared of that. "Getting laid" is definitely a skill by itself, but I disagree whether it has any relations with understanding human beings at large.
    - meric 12y ago
      angersock mentioned sexuality specifically rather than non-sexual relationships. Getting laid doesn't help as much with non-sexual relationships and it doesn't help as much with non-sexual aspect of human beings. For those, I still agree with the advice they should be out interacting with other people instead of reading books, which means interacting with relatives, elders and generally people around you.
      - angersock 12y ago
        Bingo--author mentioned sexuality, which is something that is specifically best left to fieldwork instead of reading Wikipedia and books...and yes, I'm speaking from experience. Talking to people at parties and raves and orgies and meetups is going to give you much better experience and understanding. And as for the non-sexual relationship stuff, I'll attempt no general claims at this time.
    - angersock 12y ago
      I generally wouldn't suggest learning about sexuality first-hand from ones relatives. :| So, once upon a time I too was very much concerned about making one too many mistakes--part of learning is figuring out that those mistakes are a)somewhat expected of you as a maturing sexual entity and b)harmless. As long as you treat other people with respect and try to be a good person, your romantic screwups (and you will have romantic screwups) will just be slightly stressful learning experiences. One thing that I've noticed is that it seems modern intellectual and enlightened internet culture is the worst possible place to discover and explore your own sexuality. Abnormal urges are treated as standard, and normal urges are treated as discriminatory, barbaric, unseemly, or criminal. Go interact with normal people at bars or coffee shops or social events and see what you can see--it is going to be very hard to find positive role models online in the places you'd normally expect wise elders. Hell, you're honestly better off looking through 4chan than you are any of the conservative, progressive, or technical sites here.
    - eli_gottlieb 12y ago
      You can avoid most major relationship mistakes if you actually care about your partner, as in, as an end-in-themselves rather than as a way to get laid. Unfortunately, this is the part most people miss. I guess a lot of people don't realize how dumb their selfishness really is. Oh well.
- meric 12y ago
  Trying really hard to just plain get laid is a self defeating quest because you'll probably creep people out in the process and make them not trust you enough to share their experiences (much less their sexuality) with you. If that's the stage you're at, creeping people out, and making people not trust you enough to share their sexuality with you, getting laid is probably a worthwhile thing to practice. The real reason getting laid is a self-defeating quest - It's very hard to get laid by people you find very attractive. By the time you're good enough at getting laid to get laid with people you find very attractive now, they won't be attractive to you anymore because you've become a lot more attractive than they are. When you're too good at it you can hardly find anyone you could fall in love with, because your expectations have become sky high. It's worthwhile to get to know the fundamental principles anyway, for those special nights when you want to engage in some special moments between you and your wife/girlfriend, you get how to do the "dance". Being good at this aspect of a relationship makes the relationship that much stronger. Because that's what you get better at every time you're getting laid. As with everything, more deliberate practice will result in more skill.

> get laid That's a bad goal to direct you to anything useful. Trying really hard to just plain get laid is a self defeating quest because you'll probably creep people out in the process and make them not trust you enough to share their experiences (much less their sexuality) with you.

throwmeunder 12y ago
And in turn learn social cues, how to approach people, rejection. Mistakes will hurt a bit more than at 16 yo but at the same time the social circle is more mature as well and can express themselves better if necessary. Also I agree that it's better to not have that as a end goal but if the person feels it as a burden, sex is a great tool for validation and ego boost. And it certainly is a quick way to bond with someone. Also in the pursuit of it people can really focus on improving themselves. Again it might be unhealthy to try really hard and in turn alienate people but it can also be motivating and can help sometimes. Especially if the person is mature enough and recognises normal limits. edit:Sorry. I got lost in the comment chain and missed the context of your post, sorry if that edit comes after your post.
angersock 12y ago
It's worked for tens of thousands of years, so I think it's a reasonable goal. If somebody's goal is to understand sexuality, they should be out interacting with other people instead of reading books.
- NhanH 12y ago
  Actually, unless I'm severely mistaken, most people managed the get laid over the last tens of thousands of years, but they're mostly terrible at understanding human and relationships. I've seen too many relatives, elders and generally people around me making one too many mistakes -- some even seems to do everything wrong. And I'm rather scared of that. "Getting laid" is definitely a skill by itself, but I disagree whether it has any relations with understanding human beings at large.
  - meric 12y ago
    angersock mentioned sexuality specifically rather than non-sexual relationships. Getting laid doesn't help as much with non-sexual relationships and it doesn't help as much with non-sexual aspect of human beings. For those, I still agree with the advice they should be out interacting with other people instead of reading books, which means interacting with relatives, elders and generally people around you.
    - angersock 12y ago
      Bingo--author mentioned sexuality, which is something that is specifically best left to fieldwork instead of reading Wikipedia and books...and yes, I'm speaking from experience. Talking to people at parties and raves and orgies and meetups is going to give you much better experience and understanding. And as for the non-sexual relationship stuff, I'll attempt no general claims at this time.
  - angersock 12y ago
    I generally wouldn't suggest learning about sexuality first-hand from ones relatives. :| So, once upon a time I too was very much concerned about making one too many mistakes--part of learning is figuring out that those mistakes are a)somewhat expected of you as a maturing sexual entity and b)harmless. As long as you treat other people with respect and try to be a good person, your romantic screwups (and you will have romantic screwups) will just be slightly stressful learning experiences. One thing that I've noticed is that it seems modern intellectual and enlightened internet culture is the worst possible place to discover and explore your own sexuality. Abnormal urges are treated as standard, and normal urges are treated as discriminatory, barbaric, unseemly, or criminal. Go interact with normal people at bars or coffee shops or social events and see what you can see--it is going to be very hard to find positive role models online in the places you'd normally expect wise elders. Hell, you're honestly better off looking through 4chan than you are any of the conservative, progressive, or technical sites here.
  - eli_gottlieb 12y ago
    You can avoid most major relationship mistakes if you actually care about your partner, as in, as an end-in-themselves rather than as a way to get laid. Unfortunately, this is the part most people miss. I guess a lot of people don't realize how dumb their selfishness really is. Oh well.
meric 12y ago
Trying really hard to just plain get laid is a self defeating quest because you'll probably creep people out in the process and make them not trust you enough to share their experiences (much less their sexuality) with you. If that's the stage you're at, creeping people out, and making people not trust you enough to share their sexuality with you, getting laid is probably a worthwhile thing to practice. The real reason getting laid is a self-defeating quest - It's very hard to get laid by people you find very attractive. By the time you're good enough at getting laid to get laid with people you find very attractive now, they won't be attractive to you anymore because you've become a lot more attractive than they are. When you're too good at it you can hardly find anyone you could fall in love with, because your expectations have become sky high. It's worthwhile to get to know the fundamental principles anyway, for those special nights when you want to engage in some special moments between you and your wife/girlfriend, you get how to do the "dance". Being good at this aspect of a relationship makes the relationship that much stronger. Because that's what you get better at every time you're getting laid. As with everything, more deliberate practice will result in more skill.