8 ms·

This issue has been weighing heavily on me. My Dad was 36 when I was born and is now 70 years old. My fiance and I are both professionals and have our kids plan

This issue has been weighing heavily on me. My Dad was 36 when I was born and is now 70 years old. My fiance and I are both professionals and have our kids planned for 2018 when she is done working 80 hour weeks. By then my Dad will be around 74. Considering my grandfather died at 85, that doesn't leave a whole lot of time left to have a big impact. Plus, that likely means I won't have much time with my potential grandchildren either if my children also don't have kids until their late 30s and assuming quality lifespan doesn't increase dramatically.

mjn 12y ago
For better or worse, this is more historically common with men, even in previous generations. Both of my parents' fathers were in their late 40s when they were born, in the 1940s. And yes, that left the fathers quite old when their kids grew up, and very old by the time they were or could have been grandfathers. My paternal grandfather died before I was born, and I only knew my maternal grandfather because he lived to a quite old age (he was in his 70s when I was a young kid, and lived into his 90s). There are elevated risks of some diseases with older men, but fertility declines slowly, so it hasn't needed space-age technology for that kind of generational structure to emerge.
patmcc 12y ago
I'm in a very similar boat - my parents were 48 and 38 when I was born (I'm 29), so they're really starting to get old. My wife and I decided screw it, we're going to have kids now, despite not being in the best places professionally. It might be tough, but we're still in a much better place than ~75% of people when they start having kids, and we think we'll figure it out. And so, this morning, we got to hear our kid's heartbeat for the first time. It's scary, and the idea of not being in the "ideal" job is worrying, and doubly so for my wife (who still needs some more experience to get her professional designation), but kids/pregnancy is sadly not something that can be put off indefinitely without consequences. So we bought the bullet, and we're going to make it work.
- tezzer 12y ago
  Congratulations! My wife and I decided there was never an ideal time, possibly never a good time, to have kids, so we jumped in (at 30 for her and 40 for me) to have 2 in 2 years. I have superiors with kids who have been very understanding on the days when I've been a zombie from no sleep, when I have to take sick days because my wife is overwhelmed, etc. etc. It's hard for both of us but I'm really glad we did it now, not when we were older and less flexible/energetic/fun. She's starting to think about career again, and will take her time figuring out what she wants to do in a couple of years when we're OK with the youngest, an infant now, going into day care. Good luck!
  - omilu 12y ago
    Yep, no time is the right time (except maybe waiting until after college). It will be hard no matter what. All you can do is hold on and enjoy the ride. Good luck. Father of 3 speaking.
gutnor 12y ago
Other problem is that as your parents age, they can require more assistance (illness, death of relatives,...). If you don't have brothers and sisters like my wife and I, the burden is really heavy.

mjn 12y ago

For better or worse, this is more historically common with men, even in previous generations. Both of my parents' fathers were in their late 40s when they were born, in the 1940s. And yes, that left the fathers quite old when their kids grew up, and very old by the time they were or could have been grandfathers. My paternal grandfather died before I was born, and I only knew my maternal grandfather because he lived to a quite old age (he was in his 70s when I was a young kid, and lived into his 90s). There are elevated risks of some diseases with older men, but fertility declines slowly, so it hasn't needed space-age technology for that kind of generational structure to emerge.

patmcc 12y ago

I'm in a very similar boat - my parents were 48 and 38 when I was born (I'm 29), so they're really starting to get old. My wife and I decided screw it, we're going to have kids now, despite not being in the best places professionally. It might be tough, but we're still in a much better place than ~75% of people when they start having kids, and we think we'll figure it out. And so, this morning, we got to hear our kid's heartbeat for the first time. It's scary, and the idea of not being in the "ideal" job is worrying, and doubly so for my wife (who still needs some more experience to get her professional designation), but kids/pregnancy is sadly not something that can be put off indefinitely without consequences. So we bought the bullet, and we're going to make it work.

tezzer 12y ago
Congratulations! My wife and I decided there was never an ideal time, possibly never a good time, to have kids, so we jumped in (at 30 for her and 40 for me) to have 2 in 2 years. I have superiors with kids who have been very understanding on the days when I've been a zombie from no sleep, when I have to take sick days because my wife is overwhelmed, etc. etc. It's hard for both of us but I'm really glad we did it now, not when we were older and less flexible/energetic/fun. She's starting to think about career again, and will take her time figuring out what she wants to do in a couple of years when we're OK with the youngest, an infant now, going into day care. Good luck!
- omilu 12y ago
  Yep, no time is the right time (except maybe waiting until after college). It will be hard no matter what. All you can do is hold on and enjoy the ride. Good luck. Father of 3 speaking.

gutnor 12y ago

Other problem is that as your parents age, they can require more assistance (illness, death of relatives,...). If you don't have brothers and sisters like my wife and I, the burden is really heavy.