4 ms·

Or, you know, don't compromise your principles to marry. Why give yourself almost certain cause for regret? Your trousers will cool off sooner or later. When th

by aaronem 12y ago

Or, you know, don't compromise your principles to marry. Why give yourself almost certain cause for regret? Your trousers will cool off sooner or later. When they do, you'll see the matter much differently.

DanBC 12y ago
Sure, that's an option. A vegan should probably seek out another vegan to marry, rather than telling a meat-eater that she's wrong and has been conned by the system and that she's forcing you to buy some bullshit foodstuff that compromises your principles.
- tomp 12y ago
  How is that equivalent? If I'm a vegan, I don't need to pressure others into my own belief system and expecting them not to eat animal food as well (I could, but I might as well not). Expecting your future spouse to buy a diamond that they think is an irrational purchase is by definition forcing your beliefs on others. To be honest, so is not being willing to buy a diamond for your partner that wants it, but that's the point, find another person who agrees with your expectations of them.
dasboth 12y ago
I couldn't agree more. It might sound idealistic but I couldn't imagine being happy in a relationship where we don't agree on core principles (such as a stance on buying expensive diamonds).
- kylebrown 12y ago
  Why would buying an expensive diamond be any different than buying a vintage car? Or really expensive speakers? Or any other toys the man will want? I couldn't imagine being happy in a relationship without learning to compromise. Only the most important things should be considered "core principles", questions of religion, child-rearing, maybe hot-button political issues, and other moral litmus tests. Whether or not she gets the ring she wants is a silly gender identity fixation, pretty harmless in comparison. If its a core principal, then so is whether or not he's allowed play video games, or buy a motorcycle, and so on. (Btw, I'm not engaged, married, nor ever bought a ring.)
  - dasboth 12y ago
    The difference is expecting the other person to buy it for you. If a man expects the woman to buy him a vintage car or expensive speakers then it's the same thing. I agree, compromise is incredibly important and it's all about finding someone whose core principles are the same as yours. For me, the thought of having a partner who would argue and resent me over me not buying an expensive diamond ring would suggest a clash in core principles. But I completely appreciate that that's my own view of it.
    - jsmeaton 12y ago
      Just to be clear, this isn't (yet?) a make or break deal. We have a child together and have just entered into a mortgage. I may change my mind to make her happy. She may change her mind because our financial situation has changed (mortgage). We may decide not to get married at all. I don't consider this a core principle. Our views on the important stuff are very much aligned for the most part.
  - thedrbrian 12y ago
    The vintage car is worth something should you want to sell it, it has some practical value if something happens to your normal car and you use it in a pinch and if you buy correctly a vintage car may rise in value over time. If you buy correctly you might be able to put 10,000 miles on a car and still see a year on year increase in its value( is it the 964RS that is currently hot in America ?)

by aaronem 12y ago

DanBC 12y ago

Sure, that's an option. A vegan should probably seek out another vegan to marry, rather than telling a meat-eater that she's wrong and has been conned by the system and that she's forcing you to buy some bullshit foodstuff that compromises your principles.

tomp 12y ago
How is that equivalent? If I'm a vegan, I don't need to pressure others into my own belief system and expecting them not to eat animal food as well (I could, but I might as well not). Expecting your future spouse to buy a diamond that they think is an irrational purchase is by definition forcing your beliefs on others. To be honest, so is not being willing to buy a diamond for your partner that wants it, but that's the point, find another person who agrees with your expectations of them.

dasboth 12y ago

I couldn't agree more. It might sound idealistic but I couldn't imagine being happy in a relationship where we don't agree on core principles (such as a stance on buying expensive diamonds).

kylebrown 12y ago
Why would buying an expensive diamond be any different than buying a vintage car? Or really expensive speakers? Or any other toys the man will want? I couldn't imagine being happy in a relationship without learning to compromise. Only the most important things should be considered "core principles", questions of religion, child-rearing, maybe hot-button political issues, and other moral litmus tests. Whether or not she gets the ring she wants is a silly gender identity fixation, pretty harmless in comparison. If its a core principal, then so is whether or not he's allowed play video games, or buy a motorcycle, and so on. (Btw, I'm not engaged, married, nor ever bought a ring.)
- dasboth 12y ago
  The difference is expecting the other person to buy it for you. If a man expects the woman to buy him a vintage car or expensive speakers then it's the same thing. I agree, compromise is incredibly important and it's all about finding someone whose core principles are the same as yours. For me, the thought of having a partner who would argue and resent me over me not buying an expensive diamond ring would suggest a clash in core principles. But I completely appreciate that that's my own view of it.
  - jsmeaton 12y ago
    Just to be clear, this isn't (yet?) a make or break deal. We have a child together and have just entered into a mortgage. I may change my mind to make her happy. She may change her mind because our financial situation has changed (mortgage). We may decide not to get married at all. I don't consider this a core principle. Our views on the important stuff are very much aligned for the most part.
- thedrbrian 12y ago
  The vintage car is worth something should you want to sell it, it has some practical value if something happens to your normal car and you use it in a pinch and if you buy correctly a vintage car may rise in value over time. If you buy correctly you might be able to put 10,000 miles on a car and still see a year on year increase in its value( is it the 964RS that is currently hot in America ?)