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I'm honestly totally in favor of breast-feeding, when it's a reasonable option. I don't want anyone to avoid breast-feeding because they think (as was believed

by jtheory 12y ago

I'm honestly totally in favor of breast-feeding, when it's a reasonable option. I don't want anyone to avoid breast-feeding because they think (as was believed for quite a while, actually) that formula is better. But this line from the OP slightly freaked me out -- just for acknowledging the possibility: > But they say mothers should still have a choice about whether or not to do it. Have they forgotten the abortion debate? There are some relevant points in there, even if formula-feeding actually cost 50 IQ points, reliably. But it's more than just that. Parenting is demanding and unavoidably full of compromises, for just about all parents. Most people just think in overly-simplified terms of what's "right" and "wrong" in parenting decisions, which means that the mother who can't breastfeed because she's got mastitis gets to suffer both from the pain and from guilt of imagining her child's IQ points decreasing; nice. But really -- feeling guilty whenever you see your child is probably quite a bit worse than any harm not breast-feeding them may or may not cause. I feel like there should be just a list of priorities, for parents to review when they're choosing their individual compromises, and at the top of the list would be "dedicate time when you're feeling well to your child". Then you can spend that time actually being supportive, kind, fair, consistent, and all of those things that go out the window when you're feeling awful. And you may be feeling awful if you're compromised away too much of your sleep, if you're in pain, if you've faked being happy for too long, because of some article you read about something that was "right" or "wrong" for your child. All of these other things -- like breast-feeding -- should come below that. Kids don't want/need more time, full-stop; they want/need more time with parents who are actually doing okay.

datashovel 12y ago
Guilt can certainly be an unfortunate consequence. Much like how a blind person must feel every day as they're reminded how difficult life is for those who can't see. Empowering people with information about ways they can improve the chances their offspring will have in life is definitely the most important message I got from the article.
danieltillett 12y ago
If we want to encourage more women to breast-feed then tell them how much weight they will lose. Based on my observations breast-feeding is like having your own personal liposuction machine. More seriously we need to help women breast-feed if they want without making them feel like failures or bad mothers if they don’t. It is a hard problem, but one that is worth trying to come up with a solution.
jwdunne 12y ago
In some cases, the pressure to breastfeed can do more harm than good. If the parent is feeling stressed, as it can be an extremely intense and also painful experience, the bonding process can suffer. More importantly, some mothers just cannot produce enough milk. The father of my adopted son forced my wife to breastfeed. Over a 3 month period, the poor boy lost a dangerous amount of weight and needed a stay in hospital, where he had strict, formula-based feeding schedule. If my wife was asleep, the nurses wouldn't even bother waking her up, they'd just feed him. The result, and not to say this is a cause but a potential contributing factor, is that this unfortunate boy has major developmental delays, is unable to speak properly and what he can say he often doesn't understand. I personally have had my past investigated by social services to ensure I won't have a negative impact on his development (I suffered from psychosis in my teenage years, likely due to stress from attention deficit disorder and a traumatic event). Teachers and myself have noticed, for example, he regularly speaks well out of context, which is notably worse than his peers. There's a tough road ahead. With articles like this, we are looking at individual, specific factors when the reality is much more complicated and results from an interplay of thousands of microscopic to large and obvious factors. With children and their development, it is just not simple. We are, whether we like it or not, complex systems. Parents of healthy body and mind want the best for their children. The pressure of this alone is fantastically great. The results of additional, external, pressure could do more harm than good.
- dagw 12y ago
  The results of additional, external, pressure could do more harm than good. Yup. My wife, for reasons no one could really explain, hardly produced any milk. Fortunately it only took us a few days or so to realize this and start bottle feeding, but a lot of the nurses and midwives we met along the way felt no compunction in making my wife feel like a failure as a mother and human being because of this.
  - jwdunne 12y ago
    Same experience. We noticed that things were not going well for our daughter, Maggie, too. I told her many times "Look, if you don't feel right about this, we can go on bottles". 6 days she endured, Maggie needing to be latched pretty much every minute. The midwives encouraged her to continue, despite clear signs recent history was repeating itself. Regardless of anything else,6 days without sleep in any form is dangerous and encouraging that behaviour could really tear families apart. Even though it's disgraceful, with this type of pressure, it's no wonder we see shaken-baby syndrome. It's been said that the NHS is wrongly focused on curative medicine as opposed to preventative medicine. If there was ever a case for it, I'm sure this would be one.
blfr 12y ago
What about vaccines? What about genetic enhancements? http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/02/06/everything-not-obligatory-is-forbidden/ http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/02/06/everything-not-obligato...
js2 12y ago
Your commment is excellent and deserved more than just an upvote. Thank you for writing it.

by jtheory 12y ago

datashovel 12y ago

Guilt can certainly be an unfortunate consequence. Much like how a blind person must feel every day as they're reminded how difficult life is for those who can't see. Empowering people with information about ways they can improve the chances their offspring will have in life is definitely the most important message I got from the article.

danieltillett 12y ago

If we want to encourage more women to breast-feed then tell them how much weight they will lose. Based on my observations breast-feeding is like having your own personal liposuction machine. More seriously we need to help women breast-feed if they want without making them feel like failures or bad mothers if they don’t. It is a hard problem, but one that is worth trying to come up with a solution.

jwdunne 12y ago

In some cases, the pressure to breastfeed can do more harm than good. If the parent is feeling stressed, as it can be an extremely intense and also painful experience, the bonding process can suffer. More importantly, some mothers just cannot produce enough milk. The father of my adopted son forced my wife to breastfeed. Over a 3 month period, the poor boy lost a dangerous amount of weight and needed a stay in hospital, where he had strict, formula-based feeding schedule. If my wife was asleep, the nurses wouldn't even bother waking her up, they'd just feed him. The result, and not to say this is a cause but a potential contributing factor, is that this unfortunate boy has major developmental delays, is unable to speak properly and what he can say he often doesn't understand. I personally have had my past investigated by social services to ensure I won't have a negative impact on his development (I suffered from psychosis in my teenage years, likely due to stress from attention deficit disorder and a traumatic event). Teachers and myself have noticed, for example, he regularly speaks well out of context, which is notably worse than his peers. There's a tough road ahead. With articles like this, we are looking at individual, specific factors when the reality is much more complicated and results from an interplay of thousands of microscopic to large and obvious factors. With children and their development, it is just not simple. We are, whether we like it or not, complex systems. Parents of healthy body and mind want the best for their children. The pressure of this alone is fantastically great. The results of additional, external, pressure could do more harm than good.

dagw 12y ago
The results of additional, external, pressure could do more harm than good. Yup. My wife, for reasons no one could really explain, hardly produced any milk. Fortunately it only took us a few days or so to realize this and start bottle feeding, but a lot of the nurses and midwives we met along the way felt no compunction in making my wife feel like a failure as a mother and human being because of this.
- jwdunne 12y ago
  Same experience. We noticed that things were not going well for our daughter, Maggie, too. I told her many times "Look, if you don't feel right about this, we can go on bottles". 6 days she endured, Maggie needing to be latched pretty much every minute. The midwives encouraged her to continue, despite clear signs recent history was repeating itself. Regardless of anything else,6 days without sleep in any form is dangerous and encouraging that behaviour could really tear families apart. Even though it's disgraceful, with this type of pressure, it's no wonder we see shaken-baby syndrome. It's been said that the NHS is wrongly focused on curative medicine as opposed to preventative medicine. If there was ever a case for it, I'm sure this would be one.

blfr 12y ago

What about vaccines? What about genetic enhancements? http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/02/06/everything-not-obligatory-is-forbidden/ http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/02/06/everything-not-obligato...

js2 12y ago

Your commment is excellent and deserved more than just an upvote. Thank you for writing it.