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My partner and I have been having an argument about rings for a long time now. I have told her that I'm willing to buy a man-made diamond, but she won't have an

My partner and I have been having an argument about rings for a long time now. I have told her that I'm willing to buy a man-made diamond, but she won't have any of it. "I'd rather have nothing than a fake". It doesn't matter how much information I provide her about the scam, it just upsets her. It's so very frustrating, and it's not entirely her fault. The idea is just so firmly implanted by the world.

GuiA 12y ago
Just make sure that the lack of rational thinking in this area isn't present elsewhere. It's innocent enough when it's about a random chunk of mineral, but gets more problematic when it's about eg vaccinating your children.
- anon4 12y ago
  I concur. Strong preference for diamonds is a pretty strong signal she might not be fit to raise your children.
  - jsmeaton 12y ago
    I can assure you, she is.
jonah 12y ago
There are non-blood diamonds available. You can also look into getting an old/antique ring which at least is re-use rather than buying new.
- saiya-jin 12y ago
  it's more a matter of principle, whether you play along the con game like rest, or not. and no, diamonds are not expression of love, will not make marriage stronger, last longer, don't bring anything close to real happiness etc.
  - jonah 12y ago
    Agreed. I just meant, if you must.
gdrulia 12y ago
Tell me about it. Recently I've been trying so many different ways to come to talk about it and so far every one conversation ended up with her being in tears and not being able (probably not willing) to understand what I'm saying. She just sees me as a sales person trying to sell her some scam. Now I'm betting on time, from time to time just constantly reminding her of whole rings scheme and why we shouldn't be bothered with that and should stick with a simple/traditional wedding rings.
- tr352 12y ago
  Some unsolicited advice: Tell her it's not about the money. Tell her you want to spend it on something useful (like a future child's savings account) or fun (like a trip for two around the world) but not on a piece of jewellery.
  - DanBC 12y ago
    No don't do this. Just buy the ring. Buy flowers and nice cards more often than valentines and apologies -- buy flowers when you're not in trouble. Edit: a word
    - brazzy 12y ago
      No, don't do this. Dump the woman and find someone who's not spoiled and vapid.
- sampo 12y ago
  I think the tradition is that a man should invest a certain amount of resources. And the point is to not buy/get anything useful. A pile of money for a diamond ring is some resources. But there are alternatives: This guy made a wirelessly powered led illuminated ring: http://www.kokes.net/projectlonghaul/projectlonghaul.htm http://www.kokes.net/projectlonghaul/projectlonghaul.htm This guy forged a ring out of meteorite metal: http://io9.com/5907849/this-guy-hand-forged-his-own-wedding-ring-out-of-a-meteorite http://io9.com/5907849/this-guy-hand-forged-his-own-wedding-... Those are both, I would say, much larger investments than $2000 to $5000 dollars in money.
dmm 12y ago
She probably wants to fit in with her friends/family.
DanBC 12y ago
I'm always a bit surprised that HN doesn't get this. The rest f this point isn't aimed at you. Just swallow your principles and buy the ring. It's a few thousand dollars amortised over the length of the marrage. Over seven years it's like $40 a month which for a lot of HN is pocket change. She can point to a bunch of stuff that you buy which has inflated price that you rationalise away as useful spending -- coffee from a coffee shop is a scam yet people don't think twice about it. Edit: a word
- jsmeaton 12y ago
  If she wants to buy her own jewellery with her own money, that'd be similar to myself buying scam coffee. Unfortunately, that's not what is being proposed (heh).
  - DanBC 12y ago
    Wait -- you think it's your money?
    - girvo 12y ago
      You could argue that at the point in time we are talking about, it is...
    - jsmeaton 12y ago
      I was going to make a joke about "her money" in my comment, but didn't think it needed to be made :)
- aaronem 12y ago
  Or, you know, don't compromise your principles to marry. Why give yourself almost certain cause for regret? Your trousers will cool off sooner or later. When they do, you'll see the matter much differently.
  - DanBC 12y ago
    Sure, that's an option. A vegan should probably seek out another vegan to marry, rather than telling a meat-eater that she's wrong and has been conned by the system and that she's forcing you to buy some bullshit foodstuff that compromises your principles.
Aloisius 12y ago
> I have told her that I'm willing to buy a man-made diamond, but she won't have any of it. Larger high grade colorless man-made diamonds aren't priced all that differently than wholesale natural diamonds and have the significant downside of having almost no resale value. Even if buyers pay 60% of wholesale for stones, it is still better than nothing. Putting aside "fake" or not, unless you're buying colored diamonds, I don't see much point in buying lab made stones right now even if you're only concern is how pretty it is.
JoeAltmaier 12y ago
Lie to her.

GuiA 12y ago

Just make sure that the lack of rational thinking in this area isn't present elsewhere. It's innocent enough when it's about a random chunk of mineral, but gets more problematic when it's about eg vaccinating your children.

anon4 12y ago
I concur. Strong preference for diamonds is a pretty strong signal she might not be fit to raise your children.
- jsmeaton 12y ago
  I can assure you, she is.

jonah 12y ago

There are non-blood diamonds available. You can also look into getting an old/antique ring which at least is re-use rather than buying new.

saiya-jin 12y ago
it's more a matter of principle, whether you play along the con game like rest, or not. and no, diamonds are not expression of love, will not make marriage stronger, last longer, don't bring anything close to real happiness etc.
- jonah 12y ago
  Agreed. I just meant, if you must.

gdrulia 12y ago

Tell me about it. Recently I've been trying so many different ways to come to talk about it and so far every one conversation ended up with her being in tears and not being able (probably not willing) to understand what I'm saying. She just sees me as a sales person trying to sell her some scam. Now I'm betting on time, from time to time just constantly reminding her of whole rings scheme and why we shouldn't be bothered with that and should stick with a simple/traditional wedding rings.

tr352 12y ago
Some unsolicited advice: Tell her it's not about the money. Tell her you want to spend it on something useful (like a future child's savings account) or fun (like a trip for two around the world) but not on a piece of jewellery.
- DanBC 12y ago
  No don't do this. Just buy the ring. Buy flowers and nice cards more often than valentines and apologies -- buy flowers when you're not in trouble. Edit: a word
  - brazzy 12y ago
    No, don't do this. Dump the woman and find someone who's not spoiled and vapid.
sampo 12y ago
I think the tradition is that a man should invest a certain amount of resources. And the point is to not buy/get anything useful. A pile of money for a diamond ring is some resources. But there are alternatives: This guy made a wirelessly powered led illuminated ring: http://www.kokes.net/projectlonghaul/projectlonghaul.htm http://www.kokes.net/projectlonghaul/projectlonghaul.htm This guy forged a ring out of meteorite metal: http://io9.com/5907849/this-guy-hand-forged-his-own-wedding-ring-out-of-a-meteorite http://io9.com/5907849/this-guy-hand-forged-his-own-wedding-... Those are both, I would say, much larger investments than $2000 to $5000 dollars in money.

dmm 12y ago

She probably wants to fit in with her friends/family.

DanBC 12y ago

I'm always a bit surprised that HN doesn't get this. The rest f this point isn't aimed at you. Just swallow your principles and buy the ring. It's a few thousand dollars amortised over the length of the marrage. Over seven years it's like $40 a month which for a lot of HN is pocket change. She can point to a bunch of stuff that you buy which has inflated price that you rationalise away as useful spending -- coffee from a coffee shop is a scam yet people don't think twice about it. Edit: a word

jsmeaton 12y ago
If she wants to buy her own jewellery with her own money, that'd be similar to myself buying scam coffee. Unfortunately, that's not what is being proposed (heh).
- DanBC 12y ago
  Wait -- you think it's your money?
  - girvo 12y ago
    You could argue that at the point in time we are talking about, it is...
  - jsmeaton 12y ago
    I was going to make a joke about "her money" in my comment, but didn't think it needed to be made :)
aaronem 12y ago
Or, you know, don't compromise your principles to marry. Why give yourself almost certain cause for regret? Your trousers will cool off sooner or later. When they do, you'll see the matter much differently.
- DanBC 12y ago
  Sure, that's an option. A vegan should probably seek out another vegan to marry, rather than telling a meat-eater that she's wrong and has been conned by the system and that she's forcing you to buy some bullshit foodstuff that compromises your principles.

Aloisius 12y ago

> I have told her that I'm willing to buy a man-made diamond, but she won't have any of it. Larger high grade colorless man-made diamonds aren't priced all that differently than wholesale natural diamonds and have the significant downside of having almost no resale value. Even if buyers pay 60% of wholesale for stones, it is still better than nothing. Putting aside "fake" or not, unless you're buying colored diamonds, I don't see much point in buying lab made stones right now even if you're only concern is how pretty it is.

JoeAltmaier 12y ago

Lie to her.