13 ms·

If you only interact with people who mirror yourself you will live your life in a bubble of sorts. I say embrace the differences. Argue your world view and list

by orng 12y ago

If you only interact with people who mirror yourself you will live your life in a bubble of sorts. I say embrace the differences. Argue your world view and listen to theirs. In the end you will be wiser than you were before.

Kalium 12y ago
I used to think this way. Becoming "wiser" meant realizing that most people are in fact incredibly boring and thoroughly uninteresting to me. In most ways, this has not been an improvement.
- Kalium 12y ago
  I should expand a bit. I know the idea is that by engaging with more people, one acquires empathy for more people and becomes a broader, more mature person. In my case, the result was the opposite. I acquired misanthropy by discovering that most people aren't worth the time and energy to talk to.
  - nosuchthing 12y ago
    At the very least, it's good practice to make the effort to refine the skill of small talk with strangers, ice breakers, and acknowledging our shared existence on this hunk of rock flying through space. We're all in this together, and we all have our daily grinds and griefs. Feel free to scoff, and scoff aloud at least because maybe someone else will hear you and let you know they're in the same boat.
    - Kalium 12y ago
      Useful skills? Absolutely. I just prefer not to invest energy in using them more than I must. My thought process runs like this: > I've acknowledged our shared existence. Over. Done with. No mas. Can I go back to my book now? It's way more interesting than all this dreary existence-acknowledging crap. I don't want someone to hear me and tell me I'm not alone. I already know that. I want to go back to my book or whatever.
  - abrahamepton 12y ago
    It's a bit pie-in-the-sky to say, "everyone has a fascinating story of some kind and you just have to get it out of them." I think that's largely true, but I understand why you might disagree. That said, I think you need to revise what you consider "worth it" to mean - it's not necessarily the case that you'll learn some useful new skill or hear a great story or derive some other immediately-tangible benefit from talking to people. Not every interaction is equally valuable, your time is precious and you are an autonomous human being perfectly within your rights to reject a given social interaction, or interactions. But human interaction is not reducible to an ROI calculation. It's far too complex and multivariate to be computable by your or anyone else's brain - the best you can do is a rough approximation. I guess this is scattershot, but the phrase: "Just because I find many people uninteresting does not make me a broken person lacking in basic skills" stuck with me because it alone does, in fact, provide us ample evidence that there is a problem. I would never describe you as "broken" - I'm an introvert, I get it - but if you find "many" people uninteresting, that is a priori evidence that it is you who is uninteresting.
    - Kalium 12y ago
      >I guess this is scattershot, but the phrase: "Just because I find many people uninteresting does not make me a broken person lacking in basic skills" stuck with me because it alone does, in fact, provide us ample evidence that there is a problem. I agree! The problem is that people are remarkably intolerant of those who are different. For instance, if you don't find randomly selected people all utterly fascinating, it must be that you're a broken person. > but if you find "many" people uninteresting, that is a priori evidence that it is you who is uninteresting Well. No. The two are not bijective. You can be a very interesting person to most people while still finding most other people not very interesting. The reverse is also true.
      - abrahamepton 12y ago
        > The two are not bijective. You can be a very interesting person to most people while still finding most other people not very interesting. Indeed, that theoretically can be true. In every instance I have ever heard of, witnessed or been made aware of in any way, however, it holds. The plural of anecdote is not data, granted. But ask any advice columnist. If you find other people boring as a matter of routine, that's not because they're boring, it's because you are. Same as with any other part of life. If X keeps happening to you over and over again, and X is statistically uncommon, then either you have weird luck or X is related to something inside you, rather than something to do with the world at large.
  - orng 12y ago
    Have you considered the inverse? That perhaps people find it very worthwhile to talk to you? Any way, thanks for explaining. You live your life the way that works best for you:)
    - Kalium 12y ago
      Bully for them. Why might I wish to indulge them? I have limited quantities of time and energy, and sometimes I have things I want to do besides indulge the whims of randomly selected strangers. Which is to say yes, I have considered that. And I'm pleased to have brought you an alternative perspective.
      - run4yourlives2 12y ago
        You probably won't understand where I'm coming from here, but I'll say it anyway, since that's the type of person I happen to be: There is a fine line between using rational and reasoned thought to explain an unpopular way of thinking and using it to simply disguse being an asshole. My guess from reading your comments is that this isn't something that is really important to you, which is perfectly valid of course. As an introvert that hates conversation myself, particularly small talk, I've come to realize that life is infinitely more enjoyable when you are aware of what side of the line people are placing you on at any given time.
        Kalium 12y ago
        One of the things I've learned is that "asshole" is basically a stand-in for a host of social norms. Thus, "being an asshole" is not complying with someone else's idea of social norms. I'm generally aware of where I stand, but isn't always the same as wanting to be on the polite-and-not-an-asshole side.
  - b_emery 12y ago
    > know the idea is that by engaging with more people, one acquires empathy for more people and becomes a broader, more mature person. I'm not sure where you get that conclusion, but the source doesn't really matter - I think it's a bit backwards. Engaging with more people might broaden your perspective, but I don't think the outcome of engaging with people is more empathy. My experience is that empathy is something you should cultivate if you want to have a better understanding of others and their motivations. This is something you may want to do if you wish to have a relationship of some kind, or to influence their behavior.
- mhurron 12y ago
  Exactly. Going out of your way to spend your leisure time engaging people in their interests doesn't enrich your life, or make you wiser, it just takes time away from you. You're not going to be wiser listening to someone go on about some sports team. You're not going to be wiser listening to them go on about their kids. You're not going to become wiser listening to them talk about whatever TV show they like. They're not going to be any wiser listening to you talk about what you did the other day. Everyone is just going to be bored. Life is too short to waste on trying to fit in or pretending to share interests with people you don't.
  - run4yourlives2 12y ago
    I mean no disrespect, so I will say this to the general reader, and not to you directly. This comment and its parent are incredibly disheartening, given that I assume the people writing them are of above average intelligence and likely have a very creative bent - people on the top end of "ideally educated" in some of the categories the article lists. I would forward this: If you find yourself both agreeing with the comments, but often marginalized or ostracized in ways you do not enjoy, (and only you can know this for sure, but we've all been there) it isn't 'other people' that have the issues, it is you. You are lacking in the skills mentioned in #4, #5 and possibly #7. You may think this doesn't matter, but I'd put forward that you are missing a large part of a fulfilling life experience without them. There is a fine line between sharing every possible interest with every possible person and completely shutting yourself off to new viewpoints, ideas and experiences simply because they aren't your preferred topics. You will learn from unexpected sources, because you yourself are changing, each and everyday. I would encourage everyone to take some of their precious time and converse with people that aren't simply mirrors to your own innate desires. It won't matter a lick to me, but it most certainly will help you grow and learn.
    - Kalium 12y ago
      Just because I find many people uninteresting does not make me a broken person lacking in basic skills. I possess the skills discussed in spades. Spare me the insults, if you please. What I've found is that taking your advice does not lead to the results you anticipate. It's really that simple. Upon experimentation, your hypothesis goes from "most certainly" producing positive results to "almost certainly not". Your expectations and reality are disjoint and you assert that the fault lies with me. If I may return the favor and dispense unwanted advice, might I suggest some empathy? Take us at our word when we say that we've tried what you advocate and it hasn't produced what you say it will. Consider how this makes us feel and why we would choose to not continue to throw good money after bad (so to speak). And hey! Maybe don't look to marginalize people because they are different from you. That'd be nice. We might actually consider taking you seriously once more.

by orng 12y ago

Kalium 12y ago

I used to think this way. Becoming "wiser" meant realizing that most people are in fact incredibly boring and thoroughly uninteresting to me. In most ways, this has not been an improvement.

Kalium 12y ago
I should expand a bit. I know the idea is that by engaging with more people, one acquires empathy for more people and becomes a broader, more mature person. In my case, the result was the opposite. I acquired misanthropy by discovering that most people aren't worth the time and energy to talk to.
- nosuchthing 12y ago
  At the very least, it's good practice to make the effort to refine the skill of small talk with strangers, ice breakers, and acknowledging our shared existence on this hunk of rock flying through space. We're all in this together, and we all have our daily grinds and griefs. Feel free to scoff, and scoff aloud at least because maybe someone else will hear you and let you know they're in the same boat.
  - Kalium 12y ago
    Useful skills? Absolutely. I just prefer not to invest energy in using them more than I must. My thought process runs like this: > I've acknowledged our shared existence. Over. Done with. No mas. Can I go back to my book now? It's way more interesting than all this dreary existence-acknowledging crap. I don't want someone to hear me and tell me I'm not alone. I already know that. I want to go back to my book or whatever.
- abrahamepton 12y ago
  It's a bit pie-in-the-sky to say, "everyone has a fascinating story of some kind and you just have to get it out of them." I think that's largely true, but I understand why you might disagree. That said, I think you need to revise what you consider "worth it" to mean - it's not necessarily the case that you'll learn some useful new skill or hear a great story or derive some other immediately-tangible benefit from talking to people. Not every interaction is equally valuable, your time is precious and you are an autonomous human being perfectly within your rights to reject a given social interaction, or interactions. But human interaction is not reducible to an ROI calculation. It's far too complex and multivariate to be computable by your or anyone else's brain - the best you can do is a rough approximation. I guess this is scattershot, but the phrase: "Just because I find many people uninteresting does not make me a broken person lacking in basic skills" stuck with me because it alone does, in fact, provide us ample evidence that there is a problem. I would never describe you as "broken" - I'm an introvert, I get it - but if you find "many" people uninteresting, that is a priori evidence that it is you who is uninteresting.
  - Kalium 12y ago
    >I guess this is scattershot, but the phrase: "Just because I find many people uninteresting does not make me a broken person lacking in basic skills" stuck with me because it alone does, in fact, provide us ample evidence that there is a problem. I agree! The problem is that people are remarkably intolerant of those who are different. For instance, if you don't find randomly selected people all utterly fascinating, it must be that you're a broken person. > but if you find "many" people uninteresting, that is a priori evidence that it is you who is uninteresting Well. No. The two are not bijective. You can be a very interesting person to most people while still finding most other people not very interesting. The reverse is also true.
    - abrahamepton 12y ago
      > The two are not bijective. You can be a very interesting person to most people while still finding most other people not very interesting. Indeed, that theoretically can be true. In every instance I have ever heard of, witnessed or been made aware of in any way, however, it holds. The plural of anecdote is not data, granted. But ask any advice columnist. If you find other people boring as a matter of routine, that's not because they're boring, it's because you are. Same as with any other part of life. If X keeps happening to you over and over again, and X is statistically uncommon, then either you have weird luck or X is related to something inside you, rather than something to do with the world at large.
- orng 12y ago
  Have you considered the inverse? That perhaps people find it very worthwhile to talk to you? Any way, thanks for explaining. You live your life the way that works best for you:)
  - Kalium 12y ago
    Bully for them. Why might I wish to indulge them? I have limited quantities of time and energy, and sometimes I have things I want to do besides indulge the whims of randomly selected strangers. Which is to say yes, I have considered that. And I'm pleased to have brought you an alternative perspective.
    - run4yourlives2 12y ago
      You probably won't understand where I'm coming from here, but I'll say it anyway, since that's the type of person I happen to be: There is a fine line between using rational and reasoned thought to explain an unpopular way of thinking and using it to simply disguse being an asshole. My guess from reading your comments is that this isn't something that is really important to you, which is perfectly valid of course. As an introvert that hates conversation myself, particularly small talk, I've come to realize that life is infinitely more enjoyable when you are aware of what side of the line people are placing you on at any given time.
      - Kalium 12y ago
        One of the things I've learned is that "asshole" is basically a stand-in for a host of social norms. Thus, "being an asshole" is not complying with someone else's idea of social norms. I'm generally aware of where I stand, but isn't always the same as wanting to be on the polite-and-not-an-asshole side.
- b_emery 12y ago
  > know the idea is that by engaging with more people, one acquires empathy for more people and becomes a broader, more mature person. I'm not sure where you get that conclusion, but the source doesn't really matter - I think it's a bit backwards. Engaging with more people might broaden your perspective, but I don't think the outcome of engaging with people is more empathy. My experience is that empathy is something you should cultivate if you want to have a better understanding of others and their motivations. This is something you may want to do if you wish to have a relationship of some kind, or to influence their behavior.
mhurron 12y ago
Exactly. Going out of your way to spend your leisure time engaging people in their interests doesn't enrich your life, or make you wiser, it just takes time away from you. You're not going to be wiser listening to someone go on about some sports team. You're not going to be wiser listening to them go on about their kids. You're not going to become wiser listening to them talk about whatever TV show they like. They're not going to be any wiser listening to you talk about what you did the other day. Everyone is just going to be bored. Life is too short to waste on trying to fit in or pretending to share interests with people you don't.
- run4yourlives2 12y ago
  I mean no disrespect, so I will say this to the general reader, and not to you directly. This comment and its parent are incredibly disheartening, given that I assume the people writing them are of above average intelligence and likely have a very creative bent - people on the top end of "ideally educated" in some of the categories the article lists. I would forward this: If you find yourself both agreeing with the comments, but often marginalized or ostracized in ways you do not enjoy, (and only you can know this for sure, but we've all been there) it isn't 'other people' that have the issues, it is you. You are lacking in the skills mentioned in #4, #5 and possibly #7. You may think this doesn't matter, but I'd put forward that you are missing a large part of a fulfilling life experience without them. There is a fine line between sharing every possible interest with every possible person and completely shutting yourself off to new viewpoints, ideas and experiences simply because they aren't your preferred topics. You will learn from unexpected sources, because you yourself are changing, each and everyday. I would encourage everyone to take some of their precious time and converse with people that aren't simply mirrors to your own innate desires. It won't matter a lick to me, but it most certainly will help you grow and learn.
  - Kalium 12y ago
    Just because I find many people uninteresting does not make me a broken person lacking in basic skills. I possess the skills discussed in spades. Spare me the insults, if you please. What I've found is that taking your advice does not lead to the results you anticipate. It's really that simple. Upon experimentation, your hypothesis goes from "most certainly" producing positive results to "almost certainly not". Your expectations and reality are disjoint and you assert that the fault lies with me. If I may return the favor and dispense unwanted advice, might I suggest some empathy? Take us at our word when we say that we've tried what you advocate and it hasn't produced what you say it will. Consider how this makes us feel and why we would choose to not continue to throw good money after bad (so to speak). And hey! Maybe don't look to marginalize people because they are different from you. That'd be nice. We might actually consider taking you seriously once more.