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I read that book and I've gotta say fans of it have really oversold it. It has some good advice but I found some tactics questionable due to appearing as insinc

I read that book and I've gotta say fans of it have really oversold it. It has some good advice but I found some tactics questionable due to appearing as insincere to me. I also find it weird that you characterize your wife's introversion as a struggle like introversion is some sort of abnormal condition. Some people just don't enjoy random conversations about random topics because randomness is usually not a great way to select for quality.

beat 12y ago
Really? I thought sincerity in conversation was the entire point of the book! He says quite explicitly that if you're insincere, people will sense it and distrust you. As for my spouse... yes, it hurts her, and she's aware it hurts her. It limits her effectiveness as an artist, and it limits her career options. You can't "cure" introversion (it's not a disease, it's a personality), but you can compensate for it. And part of that is just cultivating internal attitudes - for example, not thinking of networking as something deceptive and selfish ("schmoozing"), but rather as something sincere and generous.
- visarga 12y ago
  As an artist, introversion has its benefits too. Extraversion reduces time spent pondering, employing imagination and intuition.
bradbatt 12y ago
That’s because they aren’t “tactics”. One of the greatest things Carnegie teaches is becoming interested in other people. You can’t fake that. It’s not a tactic to use on people—faking being interested in them—on order to get them to like you. It’s about actually being interested in other people. For some, that may come naturally … for others, it may be something that they need to work on. But it’s not about smiling and nodding while they talk about themselves … it’s about genuinely being interested in them as a person and caring about what they have to say.

beat 12y ago

Really? I thought sincerity in conversation was the entire point of the book! He says quite explicitly that if you're insincere, people will sense it and distrust you. As for my spouse... yes, it hurts her, and she's aware it hurts her. It limits her effectiveness as an artist, and it limits her career options. You can't "cure" introversion (it's not a disease, it's a personality), but you can compensate for it. And part of that is just cultivating internal attitudes - for example, not thinking of networking as something deceptive and selfish ("schmoozing"), but rather as something sincere and generous.

visarga 12y ago
As an artist, introversion has its benefits too. Extraversion reduces time spent pondering, employing imagination and intuition.

bradbatt 12y ago

That’s because they aren’t “tactics”. One of the greatest things Carnegie teaches is becoming interested in other people. You can’t fake that. It’s not a tactic to use on people—faking being interested in them—on order to get them to like you. It’s about actually being interested in other people. For some, that may come naturally … for others, it may be something that they need to work on. But it’s not about smiling and nodding while they talk about themselves … it’s about genuinely being interested in them as a person and caring about what they have to say.