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Having an affair with one married coworker doesn't give other coworkers license to hit on you. The argument you're using is basically, "She slept with someone

Having an affair with one married coworker doesn't give other coworkers license to hit on you. The argument you're using is basically, "She slept with someone else, so why should other people not expect to be able to get to have privileged relationships with her too?" And even if you ignore that, you obviously shouldn't be hitting on people at work.

jquery 12y ago
> Having an affair with one married coworker doesn't give other coworkers license to hit on you. Coworkers don't need a license, because it's not illegal to make a pass at a coworker. > you obviously shouldn't be hitting on people at work. "Hitting on" is a crude way to describe buying a gift. Is love now banned at work?
- jsmthrowaway 12y ago
  I don't even make friendships at work anymore, given the ugly fallout that can result from something negative in the friendship impacting a professional relationship. It is wise to completely disconnect your professional life and private one in this climate, as this Pao case demonstrates in some ways. Drinks with the team? Sure, but I leave after one. Gifts to a coworker and an invitation to dinner? Not a chance. It's just too unpredictable no matter what you mean by it. I respect my coworkers enough not to force them into ambiguity with me as a person. Personal relationships have so many opportunities to go south. Why would I complicate my workplace? Is that unfair? Maybe. I'm not there to make friends. Silicon Valley is pretty bad at this in general. The last thing I want to do on a weekend anyway is see the same people I see all week and do something social, and have to pretend that business stays at the office. You should try it. I haven't been burnt out for years, like I was when I left work only to go socialize with the same people. It was like living in Groundhog Day. The startups that force this culture on its employees are part of the problem. I do not devote my life to a company. I'm sorry.
- rimunroe 12y ago
  > Coworkers don't need a license, because it's not illegal to make a pass at a coworker. I never said anything about legality. Ethics should not strictly be a reflection of laws, laws should be a reflection of ethics. Using laws as the only things that guide your ethical decisions works fine if you want to be a major asshole to people, but not if you want to exist in a healthy community. > "Hitting on" is a crude way to describe buying a gift. Is love now banned at work? This isn't about "love" being "banned" at work or anything, this is about what constitutes appropriate behavior. You should try to not make things uncomfortable for others. The immediate personal cost you incur when you work to make a group of people less uncomfortable is tiny compared to the costs that they have to deal with from society handing them a raw deal, and it can help a lot.
ObviousScience 12y ago
> The argument you're using is basically, "She slept with someone else, so why should other people not expect to be able to get to have privileged relationships with her too?" Actually, the argument is "She slept with someone else, so why shouldn't I be allowed to see if she's interested in sleeping with me?"
- rimunroe 12y ago
  > Actually, the argument is "She slept with someone else, so why shouldn't I be allowed to see if she's interested in sleeping with me?" Finding out if she's interested in sleeping with you is a privileged relationship. You don't just find that out from random coworkers. The "privileged relationship" I was referring to was one where you get to find that sort of thing out, not one where you automatically get to sleep with them.
deleted 12y ago
[deleted]

jquery 12y ago

> Having an affair with one married coworker doesn't give other coworkers license to hit on you. Coworkers don't need a license, because it's not illegal to make a pass at a coworker. > you obviously shouldn't be hitting on people at work. "Hitting on" is a crude way to describe buying a gift. Is love now banned at work?

jsmthrowaway 12y ago
I don't even make friendships at work anymore, given the ugly fallout that can result from something negative in the friendship impacting a professional relationship. It is wise to completely disconnect your professional life and private one in this climate, as this Pao case demonstrates in some ways. Drinks with the team? Sure, but I leave after one. Gifts to a coworker and an invitation to dinner? Not a chance. It's just too unpredictable no matter what you mean by it. I respect my coworkers enough not to force them into ambiguity with me as a person. Personal relationships have so many opportunities to go south. Why would I complicate my workplace? Is that unfair? Maybe. I'm not there to make friends. Silicon Valley is pretty bad at this in general. The last thing I want to do on a weekend anyway is see the same people I see all week and do something social, and have to pretend that business stays at the office. You should try it. I haven't been burnt out for years, like I was when I left work only to go socialize with the same people. It was like living in Groundhog Day. The startups that force this culture on its employees are part of the problem. I do not devote my life to a company. I'm sorry.
rimunroe 12y ago
> Coworkers don't need a license, because it's not illegal to make a pass at a coworker. I never said anything about legality. Ethics should not strictly be a reflection of laws, laws should be a reflection of ethics. Using laws as the only things that guide your ethical decisions works fine if you want to be a major asshole to people, but not if you want to exist in a healthy community. > "Hitting on" is a crude way to describe buying a gift. Is love now banned at work? This isn't about "love" being "banned" at work or anything, this is about what constitutes appropriate behavior. You should try to not make things uncomfortable for others. The immediate personal cost you incur when you work to make a group of people less uncomfortable is tiny compared to the costs that they have to deal with from society handing them a raw deal, and it can help a lot.

ObviousScience 12y ago

> The argument you're using is basically, "She slept with someone else, so why should other people not expect to be able to get to have privileged relationships with her too?" Actually, the argument is "She slept with someone else, so why shouldn't I be allowed to see if she's interested in sleeping with me?"

rimunroe 12y ago
> Actually, the argument is "She slept with someone else, so why shouldn't I be allowed to see if she's interested in sleeping with me?" Finding out if she's interested in sleeping with you is a privileged relationship. You don't just find that out from random coworkers. The "privileged relationship" I was referring to was one where you get to find that sort of thing out, not one where you automatically get to sleep with them.

deleted 12y ago

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