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> Like a videogame, start small and have young children earn new “levels” of responsibilities, like going from sorting clothes to earning the right to use the w

> Like a videogame, start small and have young children earn new “levels” of responsibilities, like going from sorting clothes to earning the right to use the washing machine. I feel like kids are smarter than this. When my mom made me start doing my own laundry at age 12 I did not feel like I was winning at life. > Talk about chores differently. For better cooperation, instead of saying, “Do your chores,” Dr. Rende suggests saying, “Let’s do our chores.” This underscores that chores are not just a duty but a way of taking care of each other. I completely agree with this. I think this was the biggest piece missing from the way chores worked in my family. We had a cleaning lady and my mom had her clean less and less of the house as we got older in order to teach us responsibility via chores. But it was a very individualized thing and always felt like an artificially engineered scenario.

Dewie 12y ago
I'm a grown man and still have to ask my mom how to use her washing machine when I'm there.
andrewljohnson 12y ago
Hard to put much past a 12-year old, sounds like your mom started too late :) My 2-year old loves to "help" sort laundry, and loves to take laundry to the machine, even when it's clean.
- AnkhMorporkian 12y ago
  I remember begging my mom to let me do dishes when I was 4 years old. She spent so much time over the sink that I just assumed that it must be fun. I may have been proven wrong, but it certainly got me in the habit of keeping my sink empty.
  - oh_sigh 12y ago
    Do you really have any insight into what you were thinking when you were 4 years old? I assume you have no idea if you really thought it was "fun", or if it was just something that people did, and therefore you should mimic it.
    - Spooky23 12y ago
      My son is 3, and is at almost all times making the case that he is a "big boy"... That's a big factor. Fun is always a factor, because kids love to hang out with the parents. Besides that, he just wants to help in any way he can. The other day he was piling laundry into a big dump truck, and rigged it to tow another vehicle to transport laundry to the room where my wife was folding.
    - AnkhMorporkian 12y ago
      I have vague memories of the event, and my mother filled me in on the rest when I was about 10. Apparently I gave her an explanation as to why I wanted to do the dishes.
    - DanBC 12y ago
      For what it's worth my child loves washing dishes. There are some obvious safety measures -- the water is much cooler than I'd normally use; I make sure there are no knives in there; I take all the glasses out (he's young and a bit clumsy). He also enjoys hoovering, and folding clothes.
  - wwweston 12y ago
    Nowadays I actually think dishes are ... maybe not fun, but pleasant. It's a straightforward goal-oriented task that doesn't require much in the way of decision making or mental effort, there's often warm water involved, it's kindof calming, and you get a good feeling from having rolled back entropy, restored a certain amount of order, and replenished a useful resource (clean dishes). It's nice to use my brain more building software too, but sometimes it's nice to have a break.
sliverstorm 12y ago
I do remember being very excited to vacuum and now.
marktangotango 12y ago
Children love to help. Our 22 month old has been carrying scraps of paper and what not to the trash since he started walking. Of course we praise him for it, but he started doing it on his own.
- sophacles 12y ago
  I agree. I was a free range kid and have a lot of good memories of going to the neighbors and just helping them on random projects. They would patiently teach me things and let me help. Sometimes (in retrospect) I'm certain I wasn't actually helping, but they were kind and made me feel like I was. Other times I'm sure they got some free labor out of me, but that's OK too - I learned some good skills. My neighborhood has some free range kids and every time I'm out doing some garden work or house project, they ask if they can help. When it's not dangerous, I try and let them. Sometimes they certainly aren't helping, but everyone (me included) has fun with it, and they feel like useful people. One time I definitely had to completely redo a brick walkway after the kids got called home, but a few years later when that batch of kids were high schoolers I was sitting in the house and I heard them walk by with some other kids and heard them bragging about how they "helped the cool old dude build that sidewalk". Not exactly the same as chores - but I agree - kids like being and feeling useful.

Dewie 12y ago

I'm a grown man and still have to ask my mom how to use her washing machine when I'm there.

andrewljohnson 12y ago

Hard to put much past a 12-year old, sounds like your mom started too late :) My 2-year old loves to "help" sort laundry, and loves to take laundry to the machine, even when it's clean.

AnkhMorporkian 12y ago
I remember begging my mom to let me do dishes when I was 4 years old. She spent so much time over the sink that I just assumed that it must be fun. I may have been proven wrong, but it certainly got me in the habit of keeping my sink empty.
- oh_sigh 12y ago
  Do you really have any insight into what you were thinking when you were 4 years old? I assume you have no idea if you really thought it was "fun", or if it was just something that people did, and therefore you should mimic it.
  - Spooky23 12y ago
    My son is 3, and is at almost all times making the case that he is a "big boy"... That's a big factor. Fun is always a factor, because kids love to hang out with the parents. Besides that, he just wants to help in any way he can. The other day he was piling laundry into a big dump truck, and rigged it to tow another vehicle to transport laundry to the room where my wife was folding.
  - AnkhMorporkian 12y ago
    I have vague memories of the event, and my mother filled me in on the rest when I was about 10. Apparently I gave her an explanation as to why I wanted to do the dishes.
  - DanBC 12y ago
    For what it's worth my child loves washing dishes. There are some obvious safety measures -- the water is much cooler than I'd normally use; I make sure there are no knives in there; I take all the glasses out (he's young and a bit clumsy). He also enjoys hoovering, and folding clothes.
- wwweston 12y ago
  Nowadays I actually think dishes are ... maybe not fun, but pleasant. It's a straightforward goal-oriented task that doesn't require much in the way of decision making or mental effort, there's often warm water involved, it's kindof calming, and you get a good feeling from having rolled back entropy, restored a certain amount of order, and replenished a useful resource (clean dishes). It's nice to use my brain more building software too, but sometimes it's nice to have a break.

sliverstorm 12y ago

I do remember being very excited to vacuum and now.

marktangotango 12y ago

Children love to help. Our 22 month old has been carrying scraps of paper and what not to the trash since he started walking. Of course we praise him for it, but he started doing it on his own.

sophacles 12y ago
I agree. I was a free range kid and have a lot of good memories of going to the neighbors and just helping them on random projects. They would patiently teach me things and let me help. Sometimes (in retrospect) I'm certain I wasn't actually helping, but they were kind and made me feel like I was. Other times I'm sure they got some free labor out of me, but that's OK too - I learned some good skills. My neighborhood has some free range kids and every time I'm out doing some garden work or house project, they ask if they can help. When it's not dangerous, I try and let them. Sometimes they certainly aren't helping, but everyone (me included) has fun with it, and they feel like useful people. One time I definitely had to completely redo a brick walkway after the kids got called home, but a few years later when that batch of kids were high schoolers I was sitting in the house and I heard them walk by with some other kids and heard them bragging about how they "helped the cool old dude build that sidewalk". Not exactly the same as chores - but I agree - kids like being and feeling useful.