4 ms·

That is a tough one. It's hard because there's nothing "apples to apples" with a male. If some girl stared at my chest, I really couldn't care less. Now, if a

• tbrownaw 12y ago
  It's hard because there's nothing "apples to apples" with a male. Maybe try "apples to bananas"?
• Jemaclus 12y ago
  Sure, but you're approaching this from a male perspective of "I'd tell them to stop." That's just not realistic for a woman. If you're a woman, how do you say "Stop looking at my boobs" without negative consequences? Unless she can prove that the guy was leering, as a woman it could be detrimental to her career to speak up. In many cases the man will justify that he was just looking around, like another comment on this thread says ("Am I just supposed to look at my feet for my whole life?"). If she lets him know and he feels like it's rejection or that she doesn't like him, then she's antagonized him. Maybe he gets defensive and lashes out or ignores her future contributions or starts telling everyone she's a stuck up bitch, or maybe something even more subtle. Who knows? Is it worth my friend losing her job over this? Or should she just suck it up and deal with it as a cost of admission to the table? The culture that doesn't fight the little things ultimately builds a foundation for the outrageous things. But how do you stamp out the little things without sounding crazy? You're absolutely right, it's hard. It's tough. And I don't have any answers. :(
  • jheriko 12y ago
    i'm sorry, but i think this is BS. why is it that men are allowed to do this and women not? equal rights and opportunities only work to solve this problem if exercised. men have negative consequences from confrontation too... its just unfortunate that they are often raised in a way that makes them more comfortable to make that trade off and deal with the consequences than women ('being a man about it') few things are more universally supported in today's world than a woman asking for a man to not sexually harass her. if she loses her job over this there will be a queue of lawyers waiting to take the case to tribunal for an easy paycheque... telling men not to stare at boobs does make them feel bad, and it should, its how they learn their lesson. if nobody tells them, nothing changes. should men have to champion this cause? isn't that just even more belittling to women, as if they are somehow ill equipped to assert their rights? if its some important customer its different. in those cases /everyone/ has to put up with all kinds of crap to do their job. this is professionalism in its original sense (not to be confused with wearing smart clothes to work), again, we shouldn't lower the bar for women... that's demeaning too imo. one last thing. why is it the male perspective to stand up for yourself and hold your own? i.e. to tell them to stop? isn't this sexism? even more so, isn't this one of those little things that allows the outrageous to happen?
    • JohnBooty 12y ago
      At least until things are a heck of a lot more equal than they are today, men have a crucial role to play here. 1. The men who struggle with this the most are also tend to be men who are dismissive to women or have other communication issues with women. Extreme example: if a man thinks it's okay to smack a female coworker on the ass, do you actually think that man is going to listen to a woman's opinion? He'll think she's being a "bitch" or "uptight" or whatever. Of course 99.99% of incidents aren't that extreme but there is a big need for men to guide other men in the right direction. 2. Women still face a "damned if they do, damned if they don't" dilemma when it comes to asserting themselves. If they don't, they're seen as meek or unable to compete. If they do they're often branded as "bossy" or "bitchy." 3. Not generally an issue in white collar work but there are situations where a woman may not feel physically safe confronting a male coworker. This can obviously be an issue for anybody, male or female, but men do tend to be physically larger and stronger. 4. Power imbalance. Men still hold a majority of management positions and make more money on average. Take any random male worker and any random female worker and more often than not the man will be above the woman in the corporate structure. I am sure you can agree that confronting somebody above you in the power structure is a lot harder. When we have real gender equality, most of these issues will fade away. In the meantime there is work for men to do.
      • jheriko 12y ago
        thanks for the thoughtful reply. :) you highlight issues that society needs to resolve very astutely.