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caveat: the following advice works very well for me; it might not for everyone the main idea is, do not tie your identity or sense of self-worth to your job. b

by zem 12y ago

caveat: the following advice works very well for me; it might not for everyone the main idea is, do not tie your identity or sense of self-worth to your job. be very clear that your job is what you do to get enough money to support your "real" life, and concentrate on making the rest of your time enjoyable. the side project is a good start, but also exercise more, take up some non-tech-related hobby (maybe one you can share with your wife), take short courses in random, interesting skills (e.g. cooking), develop an active community of friends (host dinners, board game nights, regular "check out a new restaurant" outings, walking tours of interesting neighbourhoods, etc.) that takes care of the life side. as for your career, you might be stuck in a rut right now due to visa restrictions, but that won't always be the case. when it isn't, will you be prepared to interview for a better job? if you don't feel so, then why not? and if you can identify the reasons you might fall short, it's well worth putting in some time building up your skill set, so that as soon as you are able to move jobs, you are also prepared to do so.

monk_e_boy 12y ago
If you can, choose to do hard things at work. I was the guy who decided to use debuggers, dig through bug reports, patches, etc... usually it's a bit more interesting and makes you more valuable. But yeah, make sure you live life to the full outside work. Spend work hours shooting the breeze, being tired or hungover. Get some podcasts going on. I prefer D&D because the stories are never predictable.
bbarn 12y ago
Surprised I had to scroll down this far to find this comment. I came to essentially say the same thing. You don't have to love your job. It's great when you can, but sometimes, it's worth just looking at it for what it is - the means to support your family, and focus on friends/interests outside of work. Often I see "Start a side project", and while that can be a worthy endeavor, it might just make you feel like you work all day, then work all night, and hurt those relationships at home. Find happiness in your life outside of what you do, and some day that will force itself into your career, even if it has to do it without your knowledge. Happier people interview better, look healthier, and generally find a way to do things better. Be careful tagging it with "Depression", unless you've shown symptoms of clinical depression throughout your life, and likely if it is clinical, this won't be the first time, and your job isn't the cause. If it IS clinical, then seek help.

by zem 12y ago

monk_e_boy 12y ago

If you can, choose to do hard things at work. I was the guy who decided to use debuggers, dig through bug reports, patches, etc... usually it's a bit more interesting and makes you more valuable. But yeah, make sure you live life to the full outside work. Spend work hours shooting the breeze, being tired or hungover. Get some podcasts going on. I prefer D&D because the stories are never predictable.

bbarn 12y ago

Surprised I had to scroll down this far to find this comment. I came to essentially say the same thing. You don't have to love your job. It's great when you can, but sometimes, it's worth just looking at it for what it is - the means to support your family, and focus on friends/interests outside of work. Often I see "Start a side project", and while that can be a worthy endeavor, it might just make you feel like you work all day, then work all night, and hurt those relationships at home. Find happiness in your life outside of what you do, and some day that will force itself into your career, even if it has to do it without your knowledge. Happier people interview better, look healthier, and generally find a way to do things better. Be careful tagging it with "Depression", unless you've shown symptoms of clinical depression throughout your life, and likely if it is clinical, this won't be the first time, and your job isn't the cause. If it IS clinical, then seek help.