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If you look through the comments here and in other similar threads you'll see numerous variations on the "what wait? just leave." It's an understandable but wro

If you look through the comments here and in other similar threads you'll see numerous variations on the "what wait? just leave." It's an understandable but wrong response to these situations. It shifts the problem from the perpetrator to the victim. It's similar to asking women to be covered from head to toe so that they can't somehow tempt males. The onus isn't on the male to control his desires it's on the female to ensure that his desires are not aroused. So if rape and sexual harassment is happening at a workplace don't blame the victim for not leaving blame the perpetrator for bringing that into the workplace.

hrktb 12y ago
Perhaps I'll give another perspective. A coworker had sexual harassment problems with one of our managers, and eventually she left the company. I cross checked, and the other managers knew about it but didn't do anything. I also left the company. A place where abusing a coworker is OK is just a bad place to work. You might not be the target of the abuse at that time, but you'll get shafted for any other reason on any other subject (e.g. raises, project assignments, perks...). Basically if it's just one bad apple, you should get help outing the problem. If most of the company is fucked up, you'll have to decide if you really want to stay there, and for me more often than not it's not worth it. Leaving a job can be seen as a privilege, but if you're actually getting regular abuse, it might as well be the only sane choice.
alextgordon 12y ago
You unwittingly fall into an enclosure filled with angry chimpanzees. A crowd gathers, and shouts "Leave the enclosure, climb out, there's a ladder!" Another crowd gathers and shouts at the first crowd "Shut up. Stop blaming the victim!" Which crowd has your best interests at heart?
- JoeAnzalone 12y ago
  Yeah except the ladder leads directly into the shark tank. (Unemployment, retaliation from your rapist, damage to your reputation/resume)
- snowwrestler 12y ago
  Tech companies are staffed with humans, not angry chimpanzees; this analogy is stupid.
- admiralpumpkin 12y ago
  I'll help you out here: You unwittingly fall into an enclosure filled with angry chimpanzees. Some of the chimpanzees are guarding a ladder. You can't see where it leads. You notice other people have fallen into the enclosure too. They help you stand up and remind you that the chimps suck. Who has your best interests at heart?
natmaster 12y ago
Why leave? Report those issues. The real question is why just let it slide and then write a blog about it. Rape is not something you should just let people get away with and move on with your life
- bluehat 12y ago
  I want to do something more with my life than make sure some asshole gets what they deserve. I want my life to be about more than that.
  - jusben1369 12y ago
    One way I think males can better relate is to consider bullying. There'd be no bullying in school if every single time it happened a child went to the authorities, was taken seriously, the perpetrator was punished and there was no backlash on the victim. Yet we know that many kids put up with a fair degree of bullying because going to the Principal completely changes the game. They fear overt or subtle retribution and social ostracizing. They become defined by everybody at school as the dude who was a victim _and_ went to the authorities and got other people in trouble. So it's no wonder that many incidents of bullying (and sexual harassment) are not reported. Only when the stigma goes away will it happen.
    - natmaster 12y ago
      So you should just accept it?
      - jusben1369 12y ago
        This is a complex situation made up of multiple inputs that in turn denies you the simply answer you wish for.
mattmaroon 12y ago
Oh, I'm certainly not blaming the victim. But I believe people have a responsibility to protect themselves. Not just a right, a responsibility. Fool me once, shame on you, etc. If you are raped and do nothing about it, you're certainly not deserving of being raped again by the same guy. He's still a monster. But when it happens you've been a party to it. And you definitely can't complain that the company or industry you work for is sitting idly by and allowing it if you never reported it to them in the first place. Now if you did report it and nothing happened, that's a problem. I can't imagine what I'd do if an employee came to me with that, and thankfully I've never had to, but I promise you it wouldn't be nothing.

hrktb 12y ago

Perhaps I'll give another perspective. A coworker had sexual harassment problems with one of our managers, and eventually she left the company. I cross checked, and the other managers knew about it but didn't do anything. I also left the company. A place where abusing a coworker is OK is just a bad place to work. You might not be the target of the abuse at that time, but you'll get shafted for any other reason on any other subject (e.g. raises, project assignments, perks...). Basically if it's just one bad apple, you should get help outing the problem. If most of the company is fucked up, you'll have to decide if you really want to stay there, and for me more often than not it's not worth it. Leaving a job can be seen as a privilege, but if you're actually getting regular abuse, it might as well be the only sane choice.

alextgordon 12y ago

You unwittingly fall into an enclosure filled with angry chimpanzees. A crowd gathers, and shouts "Leave the enclosure, climb out, there's a ladder!" Another crowd gathers and shouts at the first crowd "Shut up. Stop blaming the victim!" Which crowd has your best interests at heart?

JoeAnzalone 12y ago
Yeah except the ladder leads directly into the shark tank. (Unemployment, retaliation from your rapist, damage to your reputation/resume)
snowwrestler 12y ago
Tech companies are staffed with humans, not angry chimpanzees; this analogy is stupid.
admiralpumpkin 12y ago
I'll help you out here: You unwittingly fall into an enclosure filled with angry chimpanzees. Some of the chimpanzees are guarding a ladder. You can't see where it leads. You notice other people have fallen into the enclosure too. They help you stand up and remind you that the chimps suck. Who has your best interests at heart?

natmaster 12y ago

Why leave? Report those issues. The real question is why just let it slide and then write a blog about it. Rape is not something you should just let people get away with and move on with your life

bluehat 12y ago
I want to do something more with my life than make sure some asshole gets what they deserve. I want my life to be about more than that.
- jusben1369 12y ago
  One way I think males can better relate is to consider bullying. There'd be no bullying in school if every single time it happened a child went to the authorities, was taken seriously, the perpetrator was punished and there was no backlash on the victim. Yet we know that many kids put up with a fair degree of bullying because going to the Principal completely changes the game. They fear overt or subtle retribution and social ostracizing. They become defined by everybody at school as the dude who was a victim _and_ went to the authorities and got other people in trouble. So it's no wonder that many incidents of bullying (and sexual harassment) are not reported. Only when the stigma goes away will it happen.
  - natmaster 12y ago
    So you should just accept it?
    - jusben1369 12y ago
      This is a complex situation made up of multiple inputs that in turn denies you the simply answer you wish for.

mattmaroon 12y ago

Oh, I'm certainly not blaming the victim. But I believe people have a responsibility to protect themselves. Not just a right, a responsibility. Fool me once, shame on you, etc. If you are raped and do nothing about it, you're certainly not deserving of being raped again by the same guy. He's still a monster. But when it happens you've been a party to it. And you definitely can't complain that the company or industry you work for is sitting idly by and allowing it if you never reported it to them in the first place. Now if you did report it and nothing happened, that's a problem. I can't imagine what I'd do if an employee came to me with that, and thankfully I've never had to, but I promise you it wouldn't be nothing.