3 ms·

Honesty isn't debilitating. You can still choose what you want to say.

learc83 12y ago
If you choose what to say, then it's not 100% honesty is it. I have a family member who went through a time when he absolutely wouldn't tell a lie. Because of this, when he had information he didn't want other people to know, he would spend time going through complicated verbal gymnastics to avoid actually lying. When he was cheating on his diet, instead of telling his wife he was going to McDonald's, he'd try to slip out without her noticing. Then she'd notice and start asking him questions that he'd try to dodge. He made it look like he was cheating on her instead of his diet. The point is, you can be just as dishonest by not saying something. The 100% honesty thing is just ridiculous and impossible.
- vinceguidry 12y ago
  That's just silly. Your family member was being dishonest, he just wasn't telling lies. He could have been perfectly honest. I'd just have said that I find sticking to the diet difficult and that I'm going to McDonalds. He didn't have to sneak around. He could have been honest about it, but chose not to. It's not ridiculous, it's not impossible. You won't get the knack of it overnight, but you can get it.
  - learc83 12y ago
    That story was just an example. You're always going to have information that you don't want other people to know. There is no exception. Everyone has thoughts and actions that they don't want made public--if you make up silly rules like "I'm never going to tell a lie", you'll eventually find yourself coming up with other ways to keep those thoughts and actions private.
    - vinceguidry 12y ago
      > You're always going to have information that you don't want other people to know. There is no exception. If someone asks you something that you don't want to tell them, tell them you don't want to tell them that information. You do not have to be dishonest in order to not tell someone something, nor do you need silly rules. You can do that in an honest and straightforward fashion.
      - learc83 12y ago
        That doesn't always work because simply not answering a question can reveal information that you don't want shared. When I was in middle school my mom cut my hair to save money. I was embarrassed by this. I dreaded people asking me questions about my haircut because I didn't want to tell them my mom cut it, but I didn't want to lie about where I got it cut. If someone asked me where I got my hair cut and I respond with "I don't want to talk about it", that answer would have revealed just as much sensitive information. I started changing my behavior to avoid this question--getting my hair cut at the beginning of a long break, so I could avoid people right after it was cut when they were most likely to ask. All I was doing was finding new ways to hide information. Now the obvious solution would have been to stop worrying about what other people thought. But I couldn't do that. We all have information like this, and we can be honest with ourselves and realize that 100% honesty with other people is a joke, or we can try to come up with other means to keep the information hidden that we think are morally superior to direct deception.
        vinceguidry 12y ago
        It's practically impossible to do this as a kid. You just don't know what or how to be honest, you don't have enough experience to be able to tell the difference. But you can and should try to do this as an adult, as much as you can, until you're not hiding information from yourself or others any longer. Some people are in situations where they cannot be honest. The only real way out is to leave the situation. A lot of people end up cultivating a network of friends outside of their crappy situations where they can be honest with each other and feel freer. 80% honesty is better than none. But you should be working on increasing that percentage by changing your circumstances, because being able to be honest with yourself and others is practically what it means to be happy. And as I said earlier, it's a prerequisite to self-actualization.

If you choose what to say, then it's not 100% honesty is it. I have a family member who went through a time when he absolutely wouldn't tell a lie. Because of this, when he had information he didn't want other people to know, he would spend time going through complicated verbal gymnastics to avoid actually lying. When he was cheating on his diet, instead of telling his wife he was going to McDonald's, he'd try to slip out without her noticing. Then she'd notice and start asking him questions that he'd try to dodge. He made it look like he was cheating on her instead of his diet. The point is, you can be just as dishonest by not saying something. The 100% honesty thing is just ridiculous and impossible.

vinceguidry 12y ago
That's just silly. Your family member was being dishonest, he just wasn't telling lies. He could have been perfectly honest. I'd just have said that I find sticking to the diet difficult and that I'm going to McDonalds. He didn't have to sneak around. He could have been honest about it, but chose not to. It's not ridiculous, it's not impossible. You won't get the knack of it overnight, but you can get it.
- learc83 12y ago
  That story was just an example. You're always going to have information that you don't want other people to know. There is no exception. Everyone has thoughts and actions that they don't want made public--if you make up silly rules like "I'm never going to tell a lie", you'll eventually find yourself coming up with other ways to keep those thoughts and actions private.
  - vinceguidry 12y ago
    > You're always going to have information that you don't want other people to know. There is no exception. If someone asks you something that you don't want to tell them, tell them you don't want to tell them that information. You do not have to be dishonest in order to not tell someone something, nor do you need silly rules. You can do that in an honest and straightforward fashion.
    - learc83 12y ago
      That doesn't always work because simply not answering a question can reveal information that you don't want shared. When I was in middle school my mom cut my hair to save money. I was embarrassed by this. I dreaded people asking me questions about my haircut because I didn't want to tell them my mom cut it, but I didn't want to lie about where I got it cut. If someone asked me where I got my hair cut and I respond with "I don't want to talk about it", that answer would have revealed just as much sensitive information. I started changing my behavior to avoid this question--getting my hair cut at the beginning of a long break, so I could avoid people right after it was cut when they were most likely to ask. All I was doing was finding new ways to hide information. Now the obvious solution would have been to stop worrying about what other people thought. But I couldn't do that. We all have information like this, and we can be honest with ourselves and realize that 100% honesty with other people is a joke, or we can try to come up with other means to keep the information hidden that we think are morally superior to direct deception.
      - vinceguidry 12y ago
        It's practically impossible to do this as a kid. You just don't know what or how to be honest, you don't have enough experience to be able to tell the difference. But you can and should try to do this as an adult, as much as you can, until you're not hiding information from yourself or others any longer. Some people are in situations where they cannot be honest. The only real way out is to leave the situation. A lot of people end up cultivating a network of friends outside of their crappy situations where they can be honest with each other and feel freer. 80% honesty is better than none. But you should be working on increasing that percentage by changing your circumstances, because being able to be honest with yourself and others is practically what it means to be happy. And as I said earlier, it's a prerequisite to self-actualization.