6 ms·

Good friends are always honest, and few people are more honest than dogs. I’m a proponent of total honesty, and I have always found this quote from Brad Blanto

Good friends are always honest, and few people are more honest than dogs. I’m a proponent of total honesty, and I have always found this quote from Brad Blanton inspiring: ”If you are in an ongoing relationship with any person there will probably be times when you hurt their feelings. Probably the most often used rationalization for lying is ‘I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.’ I recommend you hurt people’s feelings and stay with them past the hurt. I also recommend that you offend people. We can all get over having our feelings hurt and we can get over being offended. These are not permanent conditions; they are feelings that come and go. On the other side of that reaction is a conversation in which your mutual honesty creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone’s feelings.”

ryandvm 12y ago
That prescription strikes me as useful only in the theoretical. Honesty is well and good, but telling your girlfriend you'd like to fuck her sister is not going to be good for anyone.
- vinceguidry 12y ago
  People always throw these crazy thoughts out there like they'd be expressed in a vacuum where everything else is perfectly PC whenever 100% honesty comes up. The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them becomes less nuts. You might be walking down the street with your girlfriend, and see a smoking hot girl come the other way. You turn to look, your girlfriend all but expects you to, she knows the kinds of girls you like because you've talked about it a dozen times before. She might tease you about it or mock being angry, but she's not going to fly off the handle just because you expressed a sexual interest in someone that's not her. Any more than you would on her.
  - learc83 12y ago
    The few people I've met who operate with no filter or who profess to practice 100% honesty, come across as abrasive and unpleasant. How does 100% honesty work with people in authority over you, and what about unpopular opinions. I'd wager most of us hold at least one opinion that would make us social pariahs. If you tell your girlfriend about all the women you're attracted to, do you tell every attractive woman you meet that you're sexually attracted to her? I can't imagine that going over very well.
    - forthefuture 12y ago
      Honesty isn't debilitating. You can still choose what you want to say.
      - learc83 12y ago
        If you choose what to say, then it's not 100% honesty is it. I have a family member who went through a time when he absolutely wouldn't tell a lie. Because of this, when he had information he didn't want other people to know, he would spend time going through complicated verbal gymnastics to avoid actually lying. When he was cheating on his diet, instead of telling his wife he was going to McDonald's, he'd try to slip out without her noticing. Then she'd notice and start asking him questions that he'd try to dodge. He made it look like he was cheating on her instead of his diet. The point is, you can be just as dishonest by not saying something. The 100% honesty thing is just ridiculous and impossible.
        vinceguidry 12y ago
        That's just silly. Your family member was being dishonest, he just wasn't telling lies. He could have been perfectly honest. I'd just have said that I find sticking to the diet difficult and that I'm going to McDonalds. He didn't have to sneak around. He could have been honest about it, but chose not to. It's not ridiculous, it's not impossible. You won't get the knack of it overnight, but you can get it.
        12y ago
  - saraid216 12y ago
    > The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them becomes less nuts. Except the thoughts being discussed aren't crazy because they're expressed in a crazy manner. They're crazy because their content is perceived as crazy. What you're actually talking about is that you get feedback and adapt your thoughts in response to that feedback, rather than responding to yourself in a self-reinforcing loop of imagination. It's just another form of self-censorship. It's, you know, a healthy and natural kind but it's not actually any different.
- meric 12y ago
  After meeting her sister, she asks, "So, what do you think of my sister?", and you cheekily reply, "Haha, She's pretty hot, I wouldn't mind fucking her, we could do a threesome.", and winks. Your girlfriend giggles and punches you in the arm.
  - learc83 12y ago
    This keeps getting brought up, but I don't think it's at all realistic. The more likely scenario is that she reacts like the majority of women (and men) who aren't 100% self-confident, and starts a huge fight. Part of being an adult is learning not to voice inappropriate thoughts. Talking about sleeping with family members is definitely not appropriate. What if you found her mother attractive, or her grandmother? Would you say the same thing? If not, then you're still filtering yourself.

ryandvm 12y ago

That prescription strikes me as useful only in the theoretical. Honesty is well and good, but telling your girlfriend you'd like to fuck her sister is not going to be good for anyone.

vinceguidry 12y ago
People always throw these crazy thoughts out there like they'd be expressed in a vacuum where everything else is perfectly PC whenever 100% honesty comes up. The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them becomes less nuts. You might be walking down the street with your girlfriend, and see a smoking hot girl come the other way. You turn to look, your girlfriend all but expects you to, she knows the kinds of girls you like because you've talked about it a dozen times before. She might tease you about it or mock being angry, but she's not going to fly off the handle just because you expressed a sexual interest in someone that's not her. Any more than you would on her.
- learc83 12y ago
  The few people I've met who operate with no filter or who profess to practice 100% honesty, come across as abrasive and unpleasant. How does 100% honesty work with people in authority over you, and what about unpopular opinions. I'd wager most of us hold at least one opinion that would make us social pariahs. If you tell your girlfriend about all the women you're attracted to, do you tell every attractive woman you meet that you're sexually attracted to her? I can't imagine that going over very well.
  - forthefuture 12y ago
    Honesty isn't debilitating. You can still choose what you want to say.
    - learc83 12y ago
      If you choose what to say, then it's not 100% honesty is it. I have a family member who went through a time when he absolutely wouldn't tell a lie. Because of this, when he had information he didn't want other people to know, he would spend time going through complicated verbal gymnastics to avoid actually lying. When he was cheating on his diet, instead of telling his wife he was going to McDonald's, he'd try to slip out without her noticing. Then she'd notice and start asking him questions that he'd try to dodge. He made it look like he was cheating on her instead of his diet. The point is, you can be just as dishonest by not saying something. The 100% honesty thing is just ridiculous and impossible.
      - vinceguidry 12y ago
        That's just silly. Your family member was being dishonest, he just wasn't telling lies. He could have been perfectly honest. I'd just have said that I find sticking to the diet difficult and that I'm going to McDonalds. He didn't have to sneak around. He could have been honest about it, but chose not to. It's not ridiculous, it's not impossible. You won't get the knack of it overnight, but you can get it.
        12y ago
- saraid216 12y ago
  > The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them becomes less nuts. Except the thoughts being discussed aren't crazy because they're expressed in a crazy manner. They're crazy because their content is perceived as crazy. What you're actually talking about is that you get feedback and adapt your thoughts in response to that feedback, rather than responding to yourself in a self-reinforcing loop of imagination. It's just another form of self-censorship. It's, you know, a healthy and natural kind but it's not actually any different.
meric 12y ago
After meeting her sister, she asks, "So, what do you think of my sister?", and you cheekily reply, "Haha, She's pretty hot, I wouldn't mind fucking her, we could do a threesome.", and winks. Your girlfriend giggles and punches you in the arm.
- learc83 12y ago
  This keeps getting brought up, but I don't think it's at all realistic. The more likely scenario is that she reacts like the majority of women (and men) who aren't 100% self-confident, and starts a huge fight. Part of being an adult is learning not to voice inappropriate thoughts. Talking about sleeping with family members is definitely not appropriate. What if you found her mother attractive, or her grandmother? Would you say the same thing? If not, then you're still filtering yourself.