7 ms·

A (Manic Depressive) Man’s Best Friend

56 points by benbreen 12y ago

ericglyman 12y ago
Beautiful piece -- whether manic or not, after one hell of a stressful day, coming home to find your dog waiting for you really brings you back to reality. Also, while reading this anyone else here reminded of the totems (the spinning top, weighted dice, etc.) from the movie Inception? Small objects that remind you what's real and what's only a dream.
- michaelochurch 12y ago
  Beautiful piece -- whether manic or not, after one hell of a stressful day, coming home to find your dog waiting for you really brings you back to reality. Yes, this. Cats can be stabilizing too. I can't be depressed around a cat. I haven't had a manic episode for several years so I don't know if cats have anti-manic properties or if I've just been lucky. But pets are great for mental health, no question. His experience is different from mine. For him, the dog is a neutral character (a generally innocent animal of fairly average temperament) he has intense emotions toward, and he's begun to recognize that negative feelings toward the dog indicate a deteriorating mental state. For me, I rarely feel negative emotion for any animal except humans, and cats (and, to a lesser extent, dogs) are a stabilizer, a reminder that happiness (and not that fleeting manic kind) exists in the world. I'm pretty sure that one of my cats is a Zen master (except when in the presence of boiled or fried chicken).
  - sheensleeves 12y ago
    Been thinking about whether I should get a pet. Some logistics, but also the M.I. like the guy in the piece. Not sure that the article helps my decision, but the comments here add some solidarity.
    - cossatot 12y ago
      It's definitely worth a try unless you've got a very hectic schedule, or some abusive tendencies. Pets can offer a steady, simple and pure kind of love and companionship, and it comes with relatively few downsides (not very expensive, and animals are pretty up front about what they want out of the deal). If you get a shelter animal and it doesn't work out, you can take them back.
      - cdr 12y ago
        Pets are pretty dang expensive. Potentially thousands of dollars a year in vet bills, and hundreds in food, just to start. I had friends when I was a kid who had pets die because their parents couldn't afford vet bills (not very responsible to have pets when you can't afford to take care of them, but you can't tell someone not to have a pet any more than you can tell them not to have a kid). Among the people I've known, pets are quite probably the biggest nonhuman financial stressor - bigger than cars. Shelter pets are not for everyone either, although avoiding pet store puppymill pets is obviously desirable.
        bayesianhorse 12y ago
        It's not that bad, usually. The "thousands of dollars" events are quite rare (unless you insist on buying a breed which needs hip-replacements). In most cases, bills of that magnitude only arise in a context where euthanasia would have been a viable option anyway.
        michaelochurch 12y ago
        Shelter pets are not for everyone either Most shelter animals are just fine. I got two cats (bonded pair) from a shelter in August 2013 and they've been a dream. Shelter life isn't easy for animals, but it doesn't typically break them (a few handle it badly, but most are psychologically normal after a couple weeks in a new home). You're taking a bet with any kind of new pet, but you're probably getting a healthier animal, on average, with a mutt from a shelter than if you get a breed animal, even from a "responsible" (i.e. not puppy-mill) breeder. The better shelters don't do that much psychiatric damage, and most of it's not long-term. This idea that shelter animals are all psychiatric/behavioral basketcases is both untrue and very damaging. I prefer no-kill shelters for finding pets. Part of it is selfishness (I don't like feeling like not choosing an animal will condemn it to death) and some of it is ideology (I don't agree that it's "euthanasia" to kill healthy feral animals; who are we to decide that they'd be better off dead?) but I also know that NK shelters (which source from "kill"/open-admission shelters, so you're still saving a life) are staffed by people who are experts (at least, relative to me) in selecting adoptable, healthy animals who are unlikely to have behavioral problems.
  - cossatot 12y ago
    It doesn't sound like he made a real, good faith effort to open up to the dog and to love him like dogs expect loving humans to act, and to bring the bonding to a new level. I think this makes the experience fundamentally different, where the dog is an emotional barometer instead of an actively positive force. I'm still glad it's a net gain relationship, though.
    - bayesianhorse 12y ago
      Some dogs really are dicks... And I'm saying that even though I love dogs.
- thomasatethose 12y ago
  yea. I am one of those depressed techies, its kinda what my psychologist calls cognitive therapy. I used it a lot to help ground myself in the moment before an anxiety attack.It doesn't seem to help people with severe chemical imbalances from what I've see in our therapy groups.
evincarofautumn 12y ago
Good friends are always honest, and few people are more honest than dogs. I’m a proponent of total honesty, and I have always found this quote from Brad Blanton inspiring: ”If you are in an ongoing relationship with any person there will probably be times when you hurt their feelings. Probably the most often used rationalization for lying is ‘I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.’ I recommend you hurt people’s feelings and stay with them past the hurt. I also recommend that you offend people. We can all get over having our feelings hurt and we can get over being offended. These are not permanent conditions; they are feelings that come and go. On the other side of that reaction is a conversation in which your mutual honesty creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone’s feelings.”
- ryandvm 12y ago
  That prescription strikes me as useful only in the theoretical. Honesty is well and good, but telling your girlfriend you'd like to fuck her sister is not going to be good for anyone.
  - vinceguidry 12y ago
    People always throw these crazy thoughts out there like they'd be expressed in a vacuum where everything else is perfectly PC whenever 100% honesty comes up. The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them becomes less nuts. You might be walking down the street with your girlfriend, and see a smoking hot girl come the other way. You turn to look, your girlfriend all but expects you to, she knows the kinds of girls you like because you've talked about it a dozen times before. She might tease you about it or mock being angry, but she's not going to fly off the handle just because you expressed a sexual interest in someone that's not her. Any more than you would on her.
    - learc83 12y ago
      The few people I've met who operate with no filter or who profess to practice 100% honesty, come across as abrasive and unpleasant. How does 100% honesty work with people in authority over you, and what about unpopular opinions. I'd wager most of us hold at least one opinion that would make us social pariahs. If you tell your girlfriend about all the women you're attracted to, do you tell every attractive woman you meet that you're sexually attracted to her? I can't imagine that going over very well.
deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
bayesianhorse 12y ago
Some doctor once told me you aren't really bipolar unless you tried to write a book at least once...

56 points by benbreen 12y ago

Beautiful piece -- whether manic or not, after one hell of a stressful day, coming home to find your dog waiting for you really brings you back to reality. Also, while reading this anyone else here reminded of the totems (the spinning top, weighted dice, etc.) from the movie Inception? Small objects that remind you what's real and what's only a dream.

michaelochurch 12y ago
Beautiful piece -- whether manic or not, after one hell of a stressful day, coming home to find your dog waiting for you really brings you back to reality. Yes, this. Cats can be stabilizing too. I can't be depressed around a cat. I haven't had a manic episode for several years so I don't know if cats have anti-manic properties or if I've just been lucky. But pets are great for mental health, no question. His experience is different from mine. For him, the dog is a neutral character (a generally innocent animal of fairly average temperament) he has intense emotions toward, and he's begun to recognize that negative feelings toward the dog indicate a deteriorating mental state. For me, I rarely feel negative emotion for any animal except humans, and cats (and, to a lesser extent, dogs) are a stabilizer, a reminder that happiness (and not that fleeting manic kind) exists in the world. I'm pretty sure that one of my cats is a Zen master (except when in the presence of boiled or fried chicken).
- sheensleeves 12y ago
  Been thinking about whether I should get a pet. Some logistics, but also the M.I. like the guy in the piece. Not sure that the article helps my decision, but the comments here add some solidarity.
  - cossatot 12y ago
    It's definitely worth a try unless you've got a very hectic schedule, or some abusive tendencies. Pets can offer a steady, simple and pure kind of love and companionship, and it comes with relatively few downsides (not very expensive, and animals are pretty up front about what they want out of the deal). If you get a shelter animal and it doesn't work out, you can take them back.
    - cdr 12y ago
      Pets are pretty dang expensive. Potentially thousands of dollars a year in vet bills, and hundreds in food, just to start. I had friends when I was a kid who had pets die because their parents couldn't afford vet bills (not very responsible to have pets when you can't afford to take care of them, but you can't tell someone not to have a pet any more than you can tell them not to have a kid). Among the people I've known, pets are quite probably the biggest nonhuman financial stressor - bigger than cars. Shelter pets are not for everyone either, although avoiding pet store puppymill pets is obviously desirable.
      - bayesianhorse 12y ago
        It's not that bad, usually. The "thousands of dollars" events are quite rare (unless you insist on buying a breed which needs hip-replacements). In most cases, bills of that magnitude only arise in a context where euthanasia would have been a viable option anyway.
      - michaelochurch 12y ago
        Shelter pets are not for everyone either Most shelter animals are just fine. I got two cats (bonded pair) from a shelter in August 2013 and they've been a dream. Shelter life isn't easy for animals, but it doesn't typically break them (a few handle it badly, but most are psychologically normal after a couple weeks in a new home). You're taking a bet with any kind of new pet, but you're probably getting a healthier animal, on average, with a mutt from a shelter than if you get a breed animal, even from a "responsible" (i.e. not puppy-mill) breeder. The better shelters don't do that much psychiatric damage, and most of it's not long-term. This idea that shelter animals are all psychiatric/behavioral basketcases is both untrue and very damaging. I prefer no-kill shelters for finding pets. Part of it is selfishness (I don't like feeling like not choosing an animal will condemn it to death) and some of it is ideology (I don't agree that it's "euthanasia" to kill healthy feral animals; who are we to decide that they'd be better off dead?) but I also know that NK shelters (which source from "kill"/open-admission shelters, so you're still saving a life) are staffed by people who are experts (at least, relative to me) in selecting adoptable, healthy animals who are unlikely to have behavioral problems.
- cossatot 12y ago
  It doesn't sound like he made a real, good faith effort to open up to the dog and to love him like dogs expect loving humans to act, and to bring the bonding to a new level. I think this makes the experience fundamentally different, where the dog is an emotional barometer instead of an actively positive force. I'm still glad it's a net gain relationship, though.
  - bayesianhorse 12y ago
    Some dogs really are dicks... And I'm saying that even though I love dogs.
thomasatethose 12y ago
yea. I am one of those depressed techies, its kinda what my psychologist calls cognitive therapy. I used it a lot to help ground myself in the moment before an anxiety attack.It doesn't seem to help people with severe chemical imbalances from what I've see in our therapy groups.

evincarofautumn 12y ago

Good friends are always honest, and few people are more honest than dogs. I’m a proponent of total honesty, and I have always found this quote from Brad Blanton inspiring: ”If you are in an ongoing relationship with any person there will probably be times when you hurt their feelings. Probably the most often used rationalization for lying is ‘I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.’ I recommend you hurt people’s feelings and stay with them past the hurt. I also recommend that you offend people. We can all get over having our feelings hurt and we can get over being offended. These are not permanent conditions; they are feelings that come and go. On the other side of that reaction is a conversation in which your mutual honesty creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone’s feelings.”

ryandvm 12y ago
That prescription strikes me as useful only in the theoretical. Honesty is well and good, but telling your girlfriend you'd like to fuck her sister is not going to be good for anyone.
- vinceguidry 12y ago
  People always throw these crazy thoughts out there like they'd be expressed in a vacuum where everything else is perfectly PC whenever 100% honesty comes up. The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them becomes less nuts. You might be walking down the street with your girlfriend, and see a smoking hot girl come the other way. You turn to look, your girlfriend all but expects you to, she knows the kinds of girls you like because you've talked about it a dozen times before. She might tease you about it or mock being angry, but she's not going to fly off the handle just because you expressed a sexual interest in someone that's not her. Any more than you would on her.
  - learc83 12y ago
    The few people I've met who operate with no filter or who profess to practice 100% honesty, come across as abrasive and unpleasant. How does 100% honesty work with people in authority over you, and what about unpopular opinions. I'd wager most of us hold at least one opinion that would make us social pariahs. If you tell your girlfriend about all the women you're attracted to, do you tell every attractive woman you meet that you're sexually attracted to her? I can't imagine that going over very well.

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

bayesianhorse 12y ago

Some doctor once told me you aren't really bipolar unless you tried to write a book at least once...