5 ms·

I think the biggest improvement we made to our outlook on the topic was to separate 'getting hurt' into subcategories of 'pain', 'damage', and 'lasting harm'. W

I think the biggest improvement we made to our outlook on the topic was to separate 'getting hurt' into subcategories of 'pain', 'damage', and 'lasting harm'. Without those subcategories being explicit, it's hard to have reasonable discussions about risk. I have a two-year-old; she's allowed to play with a hammer and nails, but she can't use a real knife without supervision. That's because the potential for real damage or lasting harm are both high with a knife - she shouldn't use that on her own until she has been trained with techniques for doing it safely. Next year, she'll probably be allowed to use a knife on food, if not on wood (safe whittling takes a little more effort than safe cutting). The distinction between damage and lasting harm is especially hard for many people to grasp. Going to the hospital usually means you have damage - you need stitches, a cast, crutches. Harm is only 'lasting' if it will not totally go away in the next few years - spinal injuries or major disfiguring burns.

deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
TeMPOraL 12y ago
I agree with your distinction. Getting yourself hurt but in a way you'll be able to recover from relatively quickly is not bad, it's learning experience.
EdwardMSmith 12y ago
This is exactly how I did it with my two. For the most part, I just let "pain" happen. You knew it was going to, and it was hard not to say anything. It didn't always happen, but it usually did. This is stuff like jumping off swings, "sword fights" with sticks, snowball fights, sledding, etc. When it did happen, they always look over to see your reaction. Mostly it was a raised eyebrow or smile and a small shake of the head. Most of the time they went right back to doing what they were doing.. but generally didn't get hurt again. Progress, right? For light "damage", I'd warn them, "uh, that's not such a good idea..." or I'd force them to add some safety equipment to try to mitigate the damage (knee pads, long pants, gloves, that sort of thing). They've got a few scars, but no broken bones - probably equal parts luck and caution on the kid's part. Tree-climbing (and other forms of climbing) were the hardest things to deal with because the skill and the limit testing is so important, but the consequences can so variable. Anything over that, I'd be heavily involved - supervision, stopping them, etc. On the other hand, there were quite a number of things I tried to get them to do that were pretty dangerous, but they wouldn't do.. I tried really hard to get them into Karting, but no luck. One of the two, the older one, has taken to climbing walls, but the other hasn't. I think they've developed pretty good self confidence and risk management. They still sword fight like idiots, tho. That ALWAYS ends up in tears..
- nevinera 12y ago
  Foam sword fighting! Join one of the leagues :-) http://safeswordfighting.tripod.com/ http://safeswordfighting.tripod.com/
errantspark 12y ago
I think that's probably a good distinction/system. I grew up in the Czech Republic and I was allowed access to knives at age 3 or so. Sometimes I cut myself. My grandpa would just tell me "Nešikovne maso musí prič." which translates roughly as "Unskilled meat has got to go." I was allowed to wander around the forest, start fires and climb trees. I got lost, burned and I fell. Even in the city I remember going on errands when I was in kindergarden. Nobody batted an eye at a 6 year old kid walking into a store to return some bottles so he could buy a lolipop. I really appreciate the skills and perspective I gained from my upbringing. Most significantly it instilled in me a deep sense of personal responsibility. From an early age I knew that mistakes were nobody's fault but my own. I learned to think before I acted. I am eternally grateful to my parents for providing me with that sort of childhood. I am glad that I could have died. "... that's the real death; not this death when you depart the body, but being dead while you're alive. That's real death, I think." ~ Henry Miller
- visarga 12y ago
  > Nobody batted an eye at a 6 year old kid walking into a store to return some bottles so he could buy a lolipop. Bah! My grandpa was sending me to buy cigarettes for him when I was in primary school.

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

TeMPOraL 12y ago

I agree with your distinction. Getting yourself hurt but in a way you'll be able to recover from relatively quickly is not bad, it's learning experience.

EdwardMSmith 12y ago

This is exactly how I did it with my two. For the most part, I just let "pain" happen. You knew it was going to, and it was hard not to say anything. It didn't always happen, but it usually did. This is stuff like jumping off swings, "sword fights" with sticks, snowball fights, sledding, etc. When it did happen, they always look over to see your reaction. Mostly it was a raised eyebrow or smile and a small shake of the head. Most of the time they went right back to doing what they were doing.. but generally didn't get hurt again. Progress, right? For light "damage", I'd warn them, "uh, that's not such a good idea..." or I'd force them to add some safety equipment to try to mitigate the damage (knee pads, long pants, gloves, that sort of thing). They've got a few scars, but no broken bones - probably equal parts luck and caution on the kid's part. Tree-climbing (and other forms of climbing) were the hardest things to deal with because the skill and the limit testing is so important, but the consequences can so variable. Anything over that, I'd be heavily involved - supervision, stopping them, etc. On the other hand, there were quite a number of things I tried to get them to do that were pretty dangerous, but they wouldn't do.. I tried really hard to get them into Karting, but no luck. One of the two, the older one, has taken to climbing walls, but the other hasn't. I think they've developed pretty good self confidence and risk management. They still sword fight like idiots, tho. That ALWAYS ends up in tears..

nevinera 12y ago
Foam sword fighting! Join one of the leagues :-) http://safeswordfighting.tripod.com/ http://safeswordfighting.tripod.com/

errantspark 12y ago

I think that's probably a good distinction/system. I grew up in the Czech Republic and I was allowed access to knives at age 3 or so. Sometimes I cut myself. My grandpa would just tell me "Nešikovne maso musí prič." which translates roughly as "Unskilled meat has got to go." I was allowed to wander around the forest, start fires and climb trees. I got lost, burned and I fell. Even in the city I remember going on errands when I was in kindergarden. Nobody batted an eye at a 6 year old kid walking into a store to return some bottles so he could buy a lolipop. I really appreciate the skills and perspective I gained from my upbringing. Most significantly it instilled in me a deep sense of personal responsibility. From an early age I knew that mistakes were nobody's fault but my own. I learned to think before I acted. I am eternally grateful to my parents for providing me with that sort of childhood. I am glad that I could have died. "... that's the real death; not this death when you depart the body, but being dead while you're alive. That's real death, I think." ~ Henry Miller

visarga 12y ago
> Nobody batted an eye at a 6 year old kid walking into a store to return some bottles so he could buy a lolipop. Bah! My grandpa was sending me to buy cigarettes for him when I was in primary school.