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Raising kids is mundane, boring, uninteresting or intensely irritating 80% of the time. When it's good it's really good, but you don't get to choose when, and y

Raising kids is mundane, boring, uninteresting or intensely irritating 80% of the time. When it's good it's really good, but you don't get to choose when, and you've got to be at least somewhat on your game the rest of the time too if you don't want to be a jerk to them. EDIT> This is for people with strong (non-kid) passions that are time-consuming. I know people who are just amazing with kids, but typically they don't seem to have much else going on in their lives.

swframe 12y ago
Note there is a hell of lot you can do to make raising kids enormous fun. 1. Play with your kids as if you are a kid too. I mean take it extremely seriously. Leave the smartphone off and join in. Build the most amazing things (sand castles, robots, tree houses, paintings, drawings, etc). Your kids will see you and appear to ignore you and then one day you will see them doing the same thing. 2. Explore like mad. Visit every place you can think of hanging out. Bike all over. Visit every park in your area, every library, etc. Do it every weekend. Catch bugs. Watch the stars. Hike, camp, boat, etc. 3. If you code at home, try to code an interest AI problem that has great visuals and then explain it to your kids. 4. Make movies. Write the script with the kids. Get the kids to act the parts. I could go on but I think you get the point. I think you can see that if you stop trying to be an adult, you can have a lot of fun. The biggest problem I have with kids is that they sometimes fight over silly things. I forbade my kids from playing with each other. Since it was against the rules, they played with each other much better and when they fought they knew they were breaking the rules. After watching Monster Inc. I realized that you could tickle kids instead of spanking them to get them to behave. No one likes to be tickled. I can imagine my kids being kicked out of therapy when they explain how they were disciplined by being made to laugh. There are so many tricks that reduce the irritation to a minimum. For me, it was a challenge to find them so I really enjoyed it. I wish I could do it again. My oldest daughter is taking comp sci at stanford.
- codinghorror 12y ago
  This is really beautiful, thank you for sharing this.
- facepalm 12y ago
  The only problem I have is that (some) kids get up so early. Being tired and having to take care of kids is difficult. Other than that, I fully agree with you: just think of ways to make hanging out with your kids more fun/interesting.
  - JabavuAdams 12y ago
    5:30-6:30 AM. Every. Single. Day. Saturday morning "I need help wiping..." Starting your day sleep-deprived and having to wipe a toilet-trained person's ass is just degrading. Parenting in modern times -- basically degradation with eventual benefits.
kleer001 12y ago
It feels great to have confirmation. I've never wanted kids. It sounds so thankless. I'll be happy with being the end of a branch on my family tree for a more materially comfortable life.
- prawn 12y ago
  Confirmation from one person with a very particular take! It's work, but it's incredibly rewarding and will continue to be for decades to come. No doubt you will miss out significantly on that, but in exchange you get a great deal of freedom so enjoy it. I didn't think I wanted kids, was never one to want to hold babies and the like, but I have two and they have been an amazing experience. I'm very glad not to have missed that path.
  - Padding 12y ago
    > I didn't think I wanted kids [...] but I have two What made you change your mind? If you strip away any social context (your parents, your partner, your neighbors), would you still opt for kids? To me it looks like a lot of people are nagged on by friends and family before having kids and then taken a lot more seriously afterwards, get more liberties and less questions asked at work, etc. And then .. well then just get on the hype train themselves. Looking in from the outside, it does seem a bit caving into peer pressure at first and suffering from Stockholm Syndrom later.
    - JabavuAdams 12y ago
      I was on the fence for a long time. Married for 8 years before having kids. There just came a point where my nieces were really cute and I felt like my own ambitious projects were not progressing. I remember thinking one day, as I played a computer game -- I'm just wasting my time. It's time for a new adventure. It's a very special feeling to be loved and looked up to by other little humans. I treasure my kids 15 min at a time. That said, you can't turn them off without being a jerk or negligent. It's just the relentlessness, and the extent to which boundaries between adults and children have been erased in our (Canadian & US) culture.
hackuser 12y ago
> Raising kids is mundane, boring, uninteresting or intensely irritating 80% of the time. When it's good it's really good, but you don't get to choose when, and you've got to be at least somewhat on your game the rest of the time too if you don't want to be a jerk to them. My impression is that nobody, later in life, says they wished they spent less time with their kids.
- lgieron 12y ago
  > My impression is that nobody, later in life, says they wished they spent less time with their kids. I think it's just a strong taboo to say those things.
- JabavuAdams 12y ago
  It's a taboo. People are highly unlikely to self-report honestly on something like this.

swframe 12y ago

Note there is a hell of lot you can do to make raising kids enormous fun. 1. Play with your kids as if you are a kid too. I mean take it extremely seriously. Leave the smartphone off and join in. Build the most amazing things (sand castles, robots, tree houses, paintings, drawings, etc). Your kids will see you and appear to ignore you and then one day you will see them doing the same thing. 2. Explore like mad. Visit every place you can think of hanging out. Bike all over. Visit every park in your area, every library, etc. Do it every weekend. Catch bugs. Watch the stars. Hike, camp, boat, etc. 3. If you code at home, try to code an interest AI problem that has great visuals and then explain it to your kids. 4. Make movies. Write the script with the kids. Get the kids to act the parts. I could go on but I think you get the point. I think you can see that if you stop trying to be an adult, you can have a lot of fun. The biggest problem I have with kids is that they sometimes fight over silly things. I forbade my kids from playing with each other. Since it was against the rules, they played with each other much better and when they fought they knew they were breaking the rules. After watching Monster Inc. I realized that you could tickle kids instead of spanking them to get them to behave. No one likes to be tickled. I can imagine my kids being kicked out of therapy when they explain how they were disciplined by being made to laugh. There are so many tricks that reduce the irritation to a minimum. For me, it was a challenge to find them so I really enjoyed it. I wish I could do it again. My oldest daughter is taking comp sci at stanford.

codinghorror 12y ago
This is really beautiful, thank you for sharing this.
facepalm 12y ago
The only problem I have is that (some) kids get up so early. Being tired and having to take care of kids is difficult. Other than that, I fully agree with you: just think of ways to make hanging out with your kids more fun/interesting.
- JabavuAdams 12y ago
  5:30-6:30 AM. Every. Single. Day. Saturday morning "I need help wiping..." Starting your day sleep-deprived and having to wipe a toilet-trained person's ass is just degrading. Parenting in modern times -- basically degradation with eventual benefits.

kleer001 12y ago

It feels great to have confirmation. I've never wanted kids. It sounds so thankless. I'll be happy with being the end of a branch on my family tree for a more materially comfortable life.

prawn 12y ago
Confirmation from one person with a very particular take! It's work, but it's incredibly rewarding and will continue to be for decades to come. No doubt you will miss out significantly on that, but in exchange you get a great deal of freedom so enjoy it. I didn't think I wanted kids, was never one to want to hold babies and the like, but I have two and they have been an amazing experience. I'm very glad not to have missed that path.
- Padding 12y ago
  > I didn't think I wanted kids [...] but I have two What made you change your mind? If you strip away any social context (your parents, your partner, your neighbors), would you still opt for kids? To me it looks like a lot of people are nagged on by friends and family before having kids and then taken a lot more seriously afterwards, get more liberties and less questions asked at work, etc. And then .. well then just get on the hype train themselves. Looking in from the outside, it does seem a bit caving into peer pressure at first and suffering from Stockholm Syndrom later.
  - JabavuAdams 12y ago
    I was on the fence for a long time. Married for 8 years before having kids. There just came a point where my nieces were really cute and I felt like my own ambitious projects were not progressing. I remember thinking one day, as I played a computer game -- I'm just wasting my time. It's time for a new adventure. It's a very special feeling to be loved and looked up to by other little humans. I treasure my kids 15 min at a time. That said, you can't turn them off without being a jerk or negligent. It's just the relentlessness, and the extent to which boundaries between adults and children have been erased in our (Canadian & US) culture.

hackuser 12y ago

> Raising kids is mundane, boring, uninteresting or intensely irritating 80% of the time. When it's good it's really good, but you don't get to choose when, and you've got to be at least somewhat on your game the rest of the time too if you don't want to be a jerk to them. My impression is that nobody, later in life, says they wished they spent less time with their kids.

lgieron 12y ago
> My impression is that nobody, later in life, says they wished they spent less time with their kids. I think it's just a strong taboo to say those things.
JabavuAdams 12y ago
It's a taboo. People are highly unlikely to self-report honestly on something like this.