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I don't agree that more time == more happiness. I grew up poor, so it was pounded into my head from an early age that you should acquire money to free yourself

by mm_throw2015 12y ago

I don't agree that more time == more happiness. I grew up poor, so it was pounded into my head from an early age that you should acquire money to free yourself from the hassles and stress of poverty. So, by virtue of hard work and a lot of luck, I did so. Now, I 'work' about 5 hours a week from home for an insane salary. I sleep in every day, and have no real schedule to keep. I want for nothing material, but I struggle to fill my time so that I don't get bored. There are only so many books you can read, so many musical instruments you can become proficient at, etc, before keeping yourself busy becomes a job in and of itself. All my friends work typical 9-5 jobs, so I can't just call someone up and ask them to meet for lunch/drinks somewhere. I thank my lucky stars for my wife's company, otherwise the isolation would be too much to bear. I've been doing this for years, and what I've learned is that for me, happiness == other people. Not time, not possessions, not fast cars, people. Specifically, people that I like (of course). Because people bring continual novelty to my life, and that is what my brain craves. Now if I could only start a business with people that I admire. Too bad no one else has any free time.

lucidrains 12y ago
Coming from a wealthy family, can tell you this is the truth.
graeme 12y ago
You should check out the fourth part of the four hour workweek: filling the void. What you're experiencing is a common issue, and that section has some useful ideas. You might also consider relocating to a place where people live as you do. In the neighborhood of Montreal I live in, it's very normal for people to work irregular hours, and the streets and cafes are full of people during the workday. I'd feel incredibly isolated in a typical neighborhood that emptied during the 9-5.
- mm_throw2015 12y ago
  Thanks for the tip, I'll check out that book and its suggestions.
Devthrowaway80 12y ago
Have you considered getting involved with charity work of some variety? I enjoy playing instruments and reading and so on as well, but it can be extremely rewarding to take the focus off yourself and try to help another person out. I've volunteered a few hours here and there to answer phones for a group related to addiction. On one shift, I had somebody reach out for help at an extremely low point in her life - she was so upset that she could barely speak. It only took me maybe half an hour to arrange for her to get help, but that experience has really stuck with me. If you came from a low-income background, why not try mentoring some disadvantaged kids? Point them in the right direction, be an example to aspire to, teach them a few things. You might wind up changing somebody's life for the better.
- mm_throw2015 12y ago
  Thanks, this is a great suggestion and one that I've put off for far too long. Giving back definitely does good things for everyone involved.
boyaka 12y ago
I was reading through the comments and was thinking exactly what you have concluded. I currently spend my time horribly inefficiently, so I shouldn't be the one to complain. The problem for me is that I've chosen a task that shuts almost everybody out of my life (unless I give up or I can muster up the focus and discipline to progress). I am also unemployed, which really further shuts people out of my life. I'm not busy at all, yet too busy to build relationships because I won't get my work done. I also feel like, at least in my field and the fields I am interested in, that you NEED other people to grow. Even if you are sitting alone just reading books or online resources, that is still using something created by other people. On the other hand, I am sure there is some raw creative power in complete isolation, it's just not a productive nor quick way to progress. Anyways, my loneliness is definitely the most urgent motivation I have to work towards growth, employment and subsequently money for me to spend on making myself more socially appealing and probably a more efficient user of my time.
colanderman 12y ago
Well, you don't have to have an insane salary to have this problem either. I had the same problem when I worked as a part-time math tutor post-college. <$15k/yr, but single, no debt, and I lived modestly. Basically the three people who could spend any time with me were two who lived basically the same lifestyle, and one who was a teacher and thus (briefly) free during summers. Nowadays, I work (and make, thankfully) much more than that. But even working startup hours, I still find that the majority of my friends have no free time. What they don't spend at the office, they spend fixing the big houses they own. Busy-ness is such a disease in today's culture; no-one gives themselves time to live, and when they do, they are forced to feel guilty about it, either implicitly or explicitly, by their co-workers or employers.

lucidrains 12y ago

Coming from a wealthy family, can tell you this is the truth.

graeme 12y ago

You should check out the fourth part of the four hour workweek: filling the void. What you're experiencing is a common issue, and that section has some useful ideas. You might also consider relocating to a place where people live as you do. In the neighborhood of Montreal I live in, it's very normal for people to work irregular hours, and the streets and cafes are full of people during the workday. I'd feel incredibly isolated in a typical neighborhood that emptied during the 9-5.

mm_throw2015 12y ago
Thanks for the tip, I'll check out that book and its suggestions.

Devthrowaway80 12y ago

Have you considered getting involved with charity work of some variety? I enjoy playing instruments and reading and so on as well, but it can be extremely rewarding to take the focus off yourself and try to help another person out. I've volunteered a few hours here and there to answer phones for a group related to addiction. On one shift, I had somebody reach out for help at an extremely low point in her life - she was so upset that she could barely speak. It only took me maybe half an hour to arrange for her to get help, but that experience has really stuck with me. If you came from a low-income background, why not try mentoring some disadvantaged kids? Point them in the right direction, be an example to aspire to, teach them a few things. You might wind up changing somebody's life for the better.

mm_throw2015 12y ago
Thanks, this is a great suggestion and one that I've put off for far too long. Giving back definitely does good things for everyone involved.

boyaka 12y ago

I was reading through the comments and was thinking exactly what you have concluded. I currently spend my time horribly inefficiently, so I shouldn't be the one to complain. The problem for me is that I've chosen a task that shuts almost everybody out of my life (unless I give up or I can muster up the focus and discipline to progress). I am also unemployed, which really further shuts people out of my life. I'm not busy at all, yet too busy to build relationships because I won't get my work done. I also feel like, at least in my field and the fields I am interested in, that you NEED other people to grow. Even if you are sitting alone just reading books or online resources, that is still using something created by other people. On the other hand, I am sure there is some raw creative power in complete isolation, it's just not a productive nor quick way to progress. Anyways, my loneliness is definitely the most urgent motivation I have to work towards growth, employment and subsequently money for me to spend on making myself more socially appealing and probably a more efficient user of my time.

colanderman 12y ago

Well, you don't have to have an insane salary to have this problem either. I had the same problem when I worked as a part-time math tutor post-college. <$15k/yr, but single, no debt, and I lived modestly. Basically the three people who could spend any time with me were two who lived basically the same lifestyle, and one who was a teacher and thus (briefly) free during summers. Nowadays, I work (and make, thankfully) much more than that. But even working startup hours, I still find that the majority of my friends have no free time. What they don't spend at the office, they spend fixing the big houses they own. Busy-ness is such a disease in today's culture; no-one gives themselves time to live, and when they do, they are forced to feel guilty about it, either implicitly or explicitly, by their co-workers or employers.