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My wife is constantly getting comments at the hospital where she works about her looks. Mostly, these are from men, and mostly they are in the form of "Well, ar
by IgorPartola 12y ago
My wife is constantly getting comments at the hospital where she works about her looks. Mostly, these are from men, and mostly they are in the form of "Well, aren't you a pretty young thing." Now, most of them (though by no means all) are, it seems, trying to be nice. She works in cardiology, so she sees an older population so this behavior is not exactly surprising.
Now, yes it may be a compliment, but it is an unwelcome one because it does two things. First, it puts her on the spot. How do you respond to that in an appropriate and professional manner? What if they are straight up inappropriate? [1]. What if they are addressing another person in the room and not you directly? ("Wow doc, you have such pretty ladies taking care of me here!"). This is an extremely uncomfortable position to be in, and one that most men never experience.
Second, this diminishes her professional qualities. With more or less clarity, lots of these men say things like "you are so pretty, do you even know any medicine?". Some basically, say that straight up.
And the biggest problem with all this? These are incidental occurrences. If your boss pinches your bottom every day, you go to HR, complain and your boss gets to take sexual harassment training or gets fired. When patients make you uncomfortable, it's always a question of whether it's worth it to try to correct their behavior at the risk of being unprofessional. Remember, the patient can easily complain that you were rude to them. Make a habit of it, and like it or not but your job will be affected. This is especially bad since most of the people that make these comments don't even realize that they are making her uncomfortable, so to call them out on it would be even more of a shock.
[1] One particularly bad incident was when she asked a patient about his sexual function and he responded with "Well if you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't have any issues, trust me."
- contergan 12y agoI'm one of "those men" and to be honest, I really don't care about making your wife uncomfortable for 30 seconds while I hit on her. If I wouldn't do stuff like that occasionally, I would still be a virgin at 30 and most likely spend the rest of my life alone, since women never initiate contact unless the guy is handsome, rich or popular. I'm sure the positives of being attractive and basically having men line up to have sex with her outweigh the negatives for your wife (and you, too, or would you prefer an ugly hag?).
- IgorPartola 12y agoI am surprised you ever lost your virginity with that attitude. If it was in my power to make this comment known to every woman in the world just to ensure you never have sex again, I would. Go to hell. Edit: judging by your comment history, you are a real misogynistic troll (https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=contergan&next=662883 https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=contergan&next=66288...). So yea, go to hell twice.
- IgorPartola 12y agoSince the comment I replied to got flag killed: > contergan: I'm one of "those men" and to be honest, I really don't care about making your wife uncomfortable for 30 seconds while I hit on her. If I wouldn't do stuff like that occasionally, I would still be a virgin at 30 and most likely spend the rest of my life alone, since women never initiate contact unless the guy is handsome, rich or popular. I'm sure the positives of being attractive and basically having men line up to have sex with her outweigh the negatives for your wife (and you, too, or would you prefer an ugly hag?). reply
- dang 12y agoThat comment was atrocious, but this one breaks the HN guidelines too. Please don't respond to bad comments with personal attacks. Instead, flag the comment by clicking on its timestamp to go to its page, then clicking "flag".
- scalesolved 12y agoWow that's a horrendous mindset to have.