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Let's extol the virtues of fear and hate, while we're at it. Yes, it's normal to get anxious sometime, just as it's normal to get angry sometimes. Someone who

Let's extol the virtues of fear and hate, while we're at it. Yes, it's normal to get anxious sometime, just as it's normal to get angry sometimes. Someone who never, ever gets angry could be suspected of bottling up their feelings (but we can't be sure). Our emotions aren't under direct voluntary control, so if we find ourselves getting angry, or anxious, or fearful, we must aim not to freak out, or criticize ourselves for it, or become anxious about our anger, angry about our anxiety, fearful of our fear, or any other such downward spiral. Emotions are normal; they are ok. However, doing what a negative emotion says to do usually doesn't work out as well as doing something else, in my experience. While we can certainly find evolutionary justifications for the things we feel compelled to do under the influence of these emotions, that doesn't mean they are helpful. Fear tells us to flee, to avoid, to destroy, or to deny. I've read that highly successful people who seem fearless do feel fear but just aren't as bothered by it. I think this says the exact opposite of the OP's message, which in this analogy would be The Importance of Fear: It Tells Us When to Run Away. The hard part about fear is acknowledging it and not running away. That is called courage. Similarly, anger. When you are fighting with your wife (or co-founder), they may say something that you take personally and it hurts your feelings. You are outraged. You strike back, and a fight breaks out. Ok, that's fine, that's normal. But one of you, at some point, has to ignore the anger voice that tells you to defend yourself at all costs, and to attack your enemy's weaknesses. Yes, your partner has become your enemy, thanks to anger. Anxious drivers don't drive better than non-anxious drivers. I may have moments of anxiety when I drive, such as if I notice a car about to merge into me and I swerve. Perhaps the anxiety plays a physiological role in helping me respond. However, it takes many seconds for the feeling to subside, during which time the anxiety is not helping me, it is hurting me. It also seems naive to identify the feeling of anxiety with the biochemistry of responding to an urgent situation. We could just as well say anxiety is a psychological state which is a harmful byproduct of the physiology.

dgreensp 12y ago
Another analogy: Anxiety is like dirt, or the clutter in your house. You'll find bits of dirt on the subway platform. Some people's houses are awash in clutter. We often seek to get rid of it, but it's not evil. It's not important, either, in the sense of functional utility. Sure, you can construct arguments about how it's ultimately necessary -- an Earth without dirt, for example, sounds rather sterile; does it have no trees? Where does the oxygen come from? -- but if there is anything unhealthy about your attitude towards dirt, I don't think emphasizing the importance of dirt in your daily life is likely to help. Mainly, we're stuck with it.
TeMPOraL 12y ago
I like the way you described this. You see, I'm pretty much in control of my anger. I almost never get into prolonged fights, because I'm good at taking control over my anger and short-circuiting the arguments. Usually the other person just relieves the accumulated pressure for another minute, then calms down, stops defending themselves and we go on with a productive conversation. But on the other hand, I'm completely overwhelmed by anxiety. When it starts, it often doesn't subside for another hour and drops my capacity to 10%. I wish I could ignore it the way I ignore my anger.

dgreensp 12y ago

Another analogy: Anxiety is like dirt, or the clutter in your house. You'll find bits of dirt on the subway platform. Some people's houses are awash in clutter. We often seek to get rid of it, but it's not evil. It's not important, either, in the sense of functional utility. Sure, you can construct arguments about how it's ultimately necessary -- an Earth without dirt, for example, sounds rather sterile; does it have no trees? Where does the oxygen come from? -- but if there is anything unhealthy about your attitude towards dirt, I don't think emphasizing the importance of dirt in your daily life is likely to help. Mainly, we're stuck with it.

TeMPOraL 12y ago

I like the way you described this. You see, I'm pretty much in control of my anger. I almost never get into prolonged fights, because I'm good at taking control over my anger and short-circuiting the arguments. Usually the other person just relieves the accumulated pressure for another minute, then calms down, stops defending themselves and we go on with a productive conversation. But on the other hand, I'm completely overwhelmed by anxiety. When it starts, it often doesn't subside for another hour and drops my capacity to 10%. I wish I could ignore it the way I ignore my anger.