Let's break it down a little. First, you probably aren't terrible at programming. I've seen terrible at programming, and if you are even LOOKING at code worth m

Let's break it down a little. First, you probably aren't terrible at programming. I've seen terrible at programming, and if you are even LOOKING at code worth millions of dollars a minute someone thinks you are above average. Besides, you are actively looking to improve, which terrible coders don't do. You are in a technical space (C++/embedded) that seems to have more than its fair share of technical machismo and bullying, so you may be picking up on that. And frankly, I get the feeling SF is much worse developer culture than the others I've experienced. You can find a different culture. I've spent some time doing C#/JS/SharePoint development for small teams and that is a completely different experience than writing a massively scalable ETL pipeline. What is "good at this?" I think you are trying to say "How do I become a technical ninja" but I think you really want to ask (or what I want to answer) is "How do I advance my career?" In my opinion, the answer is pretty much "Fake it till you make it." Pick something good you did and fly it to the rafters. You are apparently fixing bugs on a multi-billion dollar software platform- you'll impress the pants off of many hiring managers with the scale you are working at alone. Advertise that. Make the conscious part of yourself believe and act like you are super-competent and people will start assuming you are. You'll get that new job or possibly that internal advancement (although it sounds like your current org is wrong for you), and eventually your subconscious will start to believe it, too. Of course, that's hard if you are depressed. As other commenters have mentioned, go see a mental health professional, make sure you diet is healthy, get plenty of cardiovascular activity, and check on your sleep. Good luck!