3 ms·

This is in fact normal and nothing is wrong. If you are throwing a party and invite 100 guests, only 10 will show up. 9 out of 10 will flake out. This is norma

by watt 12y ago

This is in fact normal and nothing is wrong. If you are throwing a party and invite 100 guests, only 10 will show up. 9 out of 10 will flake out. This is normal and that's how people work. People don't initiate conversations. It's very rare to meet somebody who will initiate conversation, and keep it going. If you want to have good time, that's on you (to keep finding topics and jumping from theme to theme, have a lively back-and-forth going). It's a skill you can learn and is incredibly easy when you get in the groove. People don't jump on it, when you invite them to something. For 10 attempts to do something, only 1 will succeed. The key is to keep going and simply have 100s of ideas and keep inviting people. If you are not inviting, nobody is and NOTHING ever will happen. People just keep waiting around, standing around and are incredibly passive in general. And it's not like everybody is going to parties and you alone are not invited. Nope. It's a desert. In fact, if you yourself don't think of some activity, nothing is happening ever. And most people seem OK with this kind of quiet existence. The only thing wrong with you is that you have higher expectations (and desires) than the baseline. The solution is - go and make what you want happen. The way to do it: keep having ideas and inviting people. 9 times out of 10 they will decline. That's completely OK, just keep having ideas. 9 out of 10 times when you actually go out and do something, it will not be very exciting. That's the reality and it's completely fine. But then during 1 out of 10 times magic happens.

crististm 12y ago
I can confirm the 1 in 10 rule. It really is like this. Then you loosen up and don't care any more. Then things happen.
- jhildings 12y ago
  And then there is like 15-20% "cancel two hours before" reduction on those :)
spb 12y ago
> It's very rare to meet somebody who will initiate conversation, and keep it going. And, of the people who do both of these things, most-to-all of them are selling something.
aragot 12y ago
There's a "friends fallacy": Statistically, your friends have more friends than you. It's a true mathematical fact, due to the fact that the people with a lot of friends weigh a lot in the average of a lot of people. So it's not only your imagination ;) I'd say you need to have a mentor, and in many cases it means having a psychologist. It takes hours to get over shyness and beyond all other hindrances of social life.
bonn1 12y ago
> If you are throwing a party and invite 100 guests, only 10 will show up. 9 out of 10 will flake out. This is normal and that's how people work. I made different experiences. If you prepare a party well, invite key people first, look that enough females are invited, make good invitations and tell that key people come, send out reminder short before, then I have this funnel: - 100 invited - 50-60 show up - They bring people along and I end again on almost 100 (once it went to +200) Again the preparation is the key and should be a pedantic plan of everything. Guest, location, drinks, etc. should be perfect. As an example, a good location should be always a bit too small, many people make the mistake getting huge locations for few people and then wondering why the party is so empty. if you expect only 20 people then get a tiny venue (rule of thumb: 2 guest/sqm)
tinco 12y ago
This advice is perfect. Initially (and perhaps always) it is all about the quantity. I have a friend who went from having just a few geeky friends (including me right) to a thriving social life. He wanted to get a girlfriend so he gave it his all for two years. He read things like 'The Game' and cold started hundreds of conversations with strangers. Don't let people convince you that it's weird or that this should come natural. In the modern world something like 80% of people are lonely, even if they have a partner they might fully dissociated from friends. Being social is not the norm and it takes effort to break from the norm. Also, and this is just my personal opinion, don't let people convince you that reading literature about this is wrong. Every single book will tell you going out and meeting people is the most important activity, but books like 'The Game' give you tips and tricks on how to overcome anxiety and get more out of your efforts. Don't shirk the pick up artist community, just don't drink the koolaid and start believing oneitis is the bane of existence or that it's OK to insult women. It's actually a great resource if you can look past that. Anyway, if you want to make this happen fast, make it your full time job. Literally invest 40 hours per week into it. It's what the popular kids did back in highschool, and now you're behind. Edit: oh forgot, my personal favorite book is 'how to talk to anyone', by Leil something. It's a short book with reminders about social interaction.

by watt 12y ago

crististm 12y ago

I can confirm the 1 in 10 rule. It really is like this. Then you loosen up and don't care any more. Then things happen.

jhildings 12y ago
And then there is like 15-20% "cancel two hours before" reduction on those :)

spb 12y ago

> It's very rare to meet somebody who will initiate conversation, and keep it going. And, of the people who do both of these things, most-to-all of them are selling something.

aragot 12y ago

There's a "friends fallacy": Statistically, your friends have more friends than you. It's a true mathematical fact, due to the fact that the people with a lot of friends weigh a lot in the average of a lot of people. So it's not only your imagination ;) I'd say you need to have a mentor, and in many cases it means having a psychologist. It takes hours to get over shyness and beyond all other hindrances of social life.

bonn1 12y ago

> If you are throwing a party and invite 100 guests, only 10 will show up. 9 out of 10 will flake out. This is normal and that's how people work. I made different experiences. If you prepare a party well, invite key people first, look that enough females are invited, make good invitations and tell that key people come, send out reminder short before, then I have this funnel: - 100 invited - 50-60 show up - They bring people along and I end again on almost 100 (once it went to +200) Again the preparation is the key and should be a pedantic plan of everything. Guest, location, drinks, etc. should be perfect. As an example, a good location should be always a bit too small, many people make the mistake getting huge locations for few people and then wondering why the party is so empty. if you expect only 20 people then get a tiny venue (rule of thumb: 2 guest/sqm)

tinco 12y ago

This advice is perfect. Initially (and perhaps always) it is all about the quantity. I have a friend who went from having just a few geeky friends (including me right) to a thriving social life. He wanted to get a girlfriend so he gave it his all for two years. He read things like 'The Game' and cold started hundreds of conversations with strangers. Don't let people convince you that it's weird or that this should come natural. In the modern world something like 80% of people are lonely, even if they have a partner they might fully dissociated from friends. Being social is not the norm and it takes effort to break from the norm. Also, and this is just my personal opinion, don't let people convince you that reading literature about this is wrong. Every single book will tell you going out and meeting people is the most important activity, but books like 'The Game' give you tips and tricks on how to overcome anxiety and get more out of your efforts. Don't shirk the pick up artist community, just don't drink the koolaid and start believing oneitis is the bane of existence or that it's OK to insult women. It's actually a great resource if you can look past that. Anyway, if you want to make this happen fast, make it your full time job. Literally invest 40 hours per week into it. It's what the popular kids did back in highschool, and now you're behind. Edit: oh forgot, my personal favorite book is 'how to talk to anyone', by Leil something. It's a short book with reminders about social interaction.