3 ms·

The end goal of dating isn't to find a life long partner for everyone. Some people date to that end - great. Some other people are fine dating "casually", witho

by GuiA 12y ago

The end goal of dating isn't to find a life long partner for everyone. Some people date to that end - great. Some other people are fine dating "casually", without the prospect of a longterm (possibly lifelong) relationship as the goal. In other words, they might enjoy the company of the nice guy/gal from dinner last night for a few weeks, and then move on to a next person whenever they feel like it. That's also fine (although it might not be fine ~for you~). Also the very concept of "dating" is very much tied to American culture, and one's perception of it (and its goals/effectiveness) will vary greatly depending on culture/religion/upbringing/etc. There's a version of you in a parallel universe brought up in a culture where arranged marriages are the norm, and you'd be posting in this thread about how ridiculous it is that one should date at all - your parents should pick your partner for you! (I've been in a monogamous relationship for the past ~3 years)

7Figures2Commas 12y ago
Your point is completely valid, however, the challenge is expectations/intentions. It's one thing if both parties are seeking the same thing; it's another if they aren't. I would venture a guess that many times there are misalignments. In some cases, these may be conscious (somebody is looking for casual dating on a marriage-oriented site) while in others, they're unconscious (individuals believe they're looking for a serious relationship when in reality they aren't ready for one). Using the author of this post as an example, I wonder how well aligned her expectations and intentions were with those of her 45 first dates. Note that in one part of her post, the author refers to "meet[ing] someone" while in another part she refers to leading an "active dating life." Although you can obviously expect to meet multiple people before you meet someone with whom you want to start a monogamous relationship, these might be two different pursuits. The questions around expectations/intentions are even more intriguing in light of the fact that the author says almost all of her dates looked like their photos and that she didn't have "any especially bad CMB/Hinge dates."

by GuiA 12y ago

7Figures2Commas 12y ago

Your point is completely valid, however, the challenge is expectations/intentions. It's one thing if both parties are seeking the same thing; it's another if they aren't. I would venture a guess that many times there are misalignments. In some cases, these may be conscious (somebody is looking for casual dating on a marriage-oriented site) while in others, they're unconscious (individuals believe they're looking for a serious relationship when in reality they aren't ready for one). Using the author of this post as an example, I wonder how well aligned her expectations and intentions were with those of her 45 first dates. Note that in one part of her post, the author refers to "meet[ing] someone" while in another part she refers to leading an "active dating life." Although you can obviously expect to meet multiple people before you meet someone with whom you want to start a monogamous relationship, these might be two different pursuits. The questions around expectations/intentions are even more intriguing in light of the fact that the author says almost all of her dates looked like their photos and that she didn't have "any especially bad CMB/Hinge dates."