I'm sorry to come off as harsh, but I -- without any joke -- thought I would have better things to do with my time on this planet than deal with some scumbag's

I'm sorry to come off as harsh, but I -- without any joke -- thought I would have better things to do with my time on this planet than deal with some scumbag's Perl 5 code. I don't think the solution to the "shitbrain writing Perl" problem is more Perl. Fuck that in the ass. Well, you say, isn't that a problem in every language? Perhaps. But I don't have to deal with it in every language. And every other language seems to have a type system that will let me know when something idiotic is being done, or exception handling, or "well, that pointer was null, so I'm done for the day" behavior that Perl doesn't have. And as I've (sometimes reluctantly) given up on old relationships I'd invested a lot of time in as being not for me, or anyone for that matter, so is fucking Perl. It's not FOR ANYONE.