3 ms·

While I still feel this exact kind of "making the approach" inhibition from time to time, I think the way I've gotten over it is to build up a history of cases

While I still feel this exact kind of "making the approach" inhibition from time to time, I think the way I've gotten over it is to build up a history of cases where I just sucked it up and did it and was able to look back and realize that hey, it wasn't so bad! Oh, going with a friend really really really helps too! One of you makes the approach but just having the friendly face to fall back will enable a soft landing. That being said, starting out in less challenging settings is definitely the way to go (ex: if you don't like loud bars, don't practice getting better at approaching at loud bars! Try programming meetups or interest meetups where the ambiance is more natural to you are likely to have things in common with the people there). The emotional side of the equation is to have a history of success that you can draw on for courage. The rational side is to know and repeat to yourself that it's a numbers game just like dating. At "networking" type of settings, I personally expect to meet one interesting person with whom I'll have a sustained relationship with every 2 hours. There will be many friendly people along the way where we will mutually forget each other after 2 days, and that's just the way it is.

shutupalready 12y ago
> going with a friend really really really helps too My experience has been exactly the opposite. It is much better to not have a friend with you. Whether at a computer conference, backpacking through Europe, or trying to meet the opposite sex, starting alone has always been better for me. Typical problems that comes up if you're with a friend: - You're more likely to sit there talking only to your friend. This is the biggest problem. - If you're brushed off by whoever you meet, it feels awkward to return to your friend, explain what happened, and try to resume your earlier conversation. - If the person you meet suggests going for coffee or you get involved in long conversation, what do you do about your friend. Ignore him? Tell him to wait? Ask him to join you even if he's not interested in the person you met or topic you're discussing? You can end up looking rude in so many ways. - If you're with a friend, you yourself become less approachable by others. I agree with the rest of what you said, but it's funny that the "friend" part is 100% different for me.
- hkmurakami 12y ago
  So I think approaching groups with a friend is good for someone who is so frozen and so afraid that he/she would never be able to make an approach in the first place. But I completely agree with the problems you listed when being attached to a friend at the hip and have suffered that collateral damage as well myself.
  - tormeh 12y ago
    The rule is that if you want to approach groups then you should be a group. If you want to approach individuals then you should be alone. There's some truth to that, I think.

shutupalready 12y ago

> going with a friend really really really helps too My experience has been exactly the opposite. It is much better to not have a friend with you. Whether at a computer conference, backpacking through Europe, or trying to meet the opposite sex, starting alone has always been better for me. Typical problems that comes up if you're with a friend: - You're more likely to sit there talking only to your friend. This is the biggest problem. - If you're brushed off by whoever you meet, it feels awkward to return to your friend, explain what happened, and try to resume your earlier conversation. - If the person you meet suggests going for coffee or you get involved in long conversation, what do you do about your friend. Ignore him? Tell him to wait? Ask him to join you even if he's not interested in the person you met or topic you're discussing? You can end up looking rude in so many ways. - If you're with a friend, you yourself become less approachable by others. I agree with the rest of what you said, but it's funny that the "friend" part is 100% different for me.

hkmurakami 12y ago
So I think approaching groups with a friend is good for someone who is so frozen and so afraid that he/she would never be able to make an approach in the first place. But I completely agree with the problems you listed when being attached to a friend at the hip and have suffered that collateral damage as well myself.
- tormeh 12y ago
  The rule is that if you want to approach groups then you should be a group. If you want to approach individuals then you should be alone. There's some truth to that, I think.