3 ms·

So, do you not have kids or has it just been a really long time since you've had young kids? My kids are ten, seven and two-and-a-half; when you have one kid,

So, do you not have kids or has it just been a really long time since you've had young kids? My kids are ten, seven and two-and-a-half; when you have one kid, you can fool yourself into thinking that nurture is playing a large role -- but when you have two (and certainly when you have three) you begin to realize how much of our nature is, um, nature. I think nurture is important (obviously), but much more for emotional well-being (that whole unconditional love thing), for character (that whole right-from-wrong thing) and for values than for the essence of their person. I also don't think that "you'll win to start with" -- in most cases when I've seen kids pushed into things that are fundamentally not in their disposition, the effort doesn't clear the end of the runway. If you had better luck, that's awesome for you and for your kids -- but my experience has been that it's easier to change me to match my kids dispositions than vice versa.

KayEss 12y ago
> in most cases when I've seen kids pushed into things that are fundamentally not in their disposition, the effort doesn't clear the end of the runway. If you had better luck, that's awesome for you and for your kids This is kind of missing the point. I agree with you that we oughtn't be forcing our kids to do things that are not in their disposition, but in practice we do this all of the time. My four year old doesn't get to choose the clothes she wears, the food she eats, when to go to bed, when to get up, whether she goes to school or not -- for most of her time she isn't in control of her life in any meaningful way. I on the other hand get to choose these things not only for myself but for her. Given that it would be easy for me to put my foot down (as I sometimes have to), but in general I try to make sure that she is empowered as much as she can be so we can both try to learn what her real preferences are -- but in practice I'd be fooling myself if I believed that she was living the life she would build for herself at this age. Hopefully what I'm doing now with her will help her to build that life quicker and with less dead ends when she does come of age -- but only time will tell.

KayEss 12y ago

> in most cases when I've seen kids pushed into things that are fundamentally not in their disposition, the effort doesn't clear the end of the runway. If you had better luck, that's awesome for you and for your kids This is kind of missing the point. I agree with you that we oughtn't be forcing our kids to do things that are not in their disposition, but in practice we do this all of the time. My four year old doesn't get to choose the clothes she wears, the food she eats, when to go to bed, when to get up, whether she goes to school or not -- for most of her time she isn't in control of her life in any meaningful way. I on the other hand get to choose these things not only for myself but for her. Given that it would be easy for me to put my foot down (as I sometimes have to), but in general I try to make sure that she is empowered as much as she can be so we can both try to learn what her real preferences are -- but in practice I'd be fooling myself if I believed that she was living the life she would build for herself at this age. Hopefully what I'm doing now with her will help her to build that life quicker and with less dead ends when she does come of age -- but only time will tell.