3 ms·

good points, but "don't be abusive" doesn't quite cover it for me. while that for sure should be there, maybe there is a 2 subsection a), which is be your child

by spydum 12y ago

good points, but "don't be abusive" doesn't quite cover it for me. while that for sure should be there, maybe there is a 2 subsection a), which is be your childs mentor. in that you need to give them the push sometimes or be a motivator to hit those stretch goals (heck, to teach them what a stretch goal is). Not doing these things is borderline abuse (the word doesnt sound right, but hopefully you get my meaning), and might lead a kid to mediocracy -- not success.

AndrewKemendo 12y ago
I think that comes from the right place, and I tended to agree even a few years ago, but the data doesn't bear that out. Such pressurizing interactions end up being neutral to destructive depending on how it is implemented. Sports is a good place to look for data on this. Higher parental pressure is related to negative outcomes in sports[1]. Aside from extreme outliers like Woods et. al. at least in sports, being a motivator or putting pressure on the kid generally makes it worse. Almost across the board with cases of where children show extreme competence, they should be supported and given room to thrive, but not pressured. [1]http://www.rcgd.isr.umich.edu/garp/articles/eccles04e.pdf http://www.rcgd.isr.umich.edu/garp/articles/eccles04e.pdf
- spydum 12y ago
  excellent, will definitely read this. However, I will caution that sports/coaching is different, and I would not jump to generalization on this. I am not a sports guy, so I can't quite relate personally, but there is a certain level of emotional investment in sports from parents that seems to get.. out of hand? All it takes is a couple hours at a little league game to notice. It would be very interesting to see if similar data would come from something less competitive.
  - modfodder 12y ago
    sports isn't much different than any extracurricular activity that parents get too involved in. Whether it's a musical instrument/talent, drama, artistic, debate; anything that a parent sees as a harbinger of their child's success can induce too much stress of the child, it's a lot to live up to.
  - AndrewKemendo 12y ago
    You see similar approaches with "Tiger" parents and things like music or academic "sports" like spelling bees.

by spydum 12y ago

AndrewKemendo 12y ago

I think that comes from the right place, and I tended to agree even a few years ago, but the data doesn't bear that out. Such pressurizing interactions end up being neutral to destructive depending on how it is implemented. Sports is a good place to look for data on this. Higher parental pressure is related to negative outcomes in sports[1]. Aside from extreme outliers like Woods et. al. at least in sports, being a motivator or putting pressure on the kid generally makes it worse. Almost across the board with cases of where children show extreme competence, they should be supported and given room to thrive, but not pressured. [1]http://www.rcgd.isr.umich.edu/garp/articles/eccles04e.pdf http://www.rcgd.isr.umich.edu/garp/articles/eccles04e.pdf

spydum 12y ago
excellent, will definitely read this. However, I will caution that sports/coaching is different, and I would not jump to generalization on this. I am not a sports guy, so I can't quite relate personally, but there is a certain level of emotional investment in sports from parents that seems to get.. out of hand? All it takes is a couple hours at a little league game to notice. It would be very interesting to see if similar data would come from something less competitive.
- modfodder 12y ago
  sports isn't much different than any extracurricular activity that parents get too involved in. Whether it's a musical instrument/talent, drama, artistic, debate; anything that a parent sees as a harbinger of their child's success can induce too much stress of the child, it's a lot to live up to.
- AndrewKemendo 12y ago
  You see similar approaches with "Tiger" parents and things like music or academic "sports" like spelling bees.