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Funny this topic came up. A few months back, it suddenly dawn to me that throughout my childhood, my parents NEVER ever praised me directly. As in, when I got

by kinkora 12y ago

Funny this topic came up. A few months back, it suddenly dawn to me that throughout my childhood, my parents NEVER ever praised me directly. As in, when I got straight As they never called me smart. Or when I won a sports competition, they never said I'm good. It was frustrating as a child at times (they reward me in other ways) but now in my adulthood, I realised they did praise me albeit it in a different way. They praised my effort, and not the results. So, when I got straight As, instead of saying I am smart, they said I got it because I studied hard and they praise me for spending my nights studying. Or when I won that competition, instead of saying good job on being first, they praise me for the extra effort i put in to train on the weekends. I never thought much about it but after going through life, I noticed now that a lot of people mostly tend to just focus on the rewards but never consider the hard work that needs to be put in. Due to my parents quirkiness in my upbringing, I value the work I put in more than the reward itself when achieving for something which makes it so fulfilling. Just my anecdotal 2 cents.

AndrewKemendo 12y ago
Yep, a lot of data coming out about this approach in recent years. The thinking is that effort can be adjusted with real impact on outcome, while being smart can't in the same way - thus telling someone they are "smart" places being "smart" as the thing that makes you successful instead of effort and therefore you don't need to try. https://www.khanacademy.org/about/blog/post/95208400815/the-learning-myth-why-ill-never-tell-my-son-hes https://www.khanacademy.org/about/blog/post/95208400815/the-...
IndianAstronaut 12y ago
The flip side of this is my nephew. His mom always praises him for being smart and being a special kid. She even says things like "now I know how Einstein's mother felt". The kid is turning out pretty average and a bit lazy.
zeroonetwothree 12y ago
Eh, everyone praised me for being smart. I never studied much in school. When I got to college that didn't work anymore and I couldn't just get As without trying much. But I did work hard and did well, despite the lack of praise for effort. So I'm skeptical that it really matters that much what people do. I do think that too much praise isn't useful, because kids aren't stupid and understand what's going on.
tootie 12y ago
This has actually been backed by research: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

by kinkora 12y ago

AndrewKemendo 12y ago

Yep, a lot of data coming out about this approach in recent years. The thinking is that effort can be adjusted with real impact on outcome, while being smart can't in the same way - thus telling someone they are "smart" places being "smart" as the thing that makes you successful instead of effort and therefore you don't need to try. https://www.khanacademy.org/about/blog/post/95208400815/the-learning-myth-why-ill-never-tell-my-son-hes https://www.khanacademy.org/about/blog/post/95208400815/the-...

IndianAstronaut 12y ago

The flip side of this is my nephew. His mom always praises him for being smart and being a special kid. She even says things like "now I know how Einstein's mother felt". The kid is turning out pretty average and a bit lazy.

zeroonetwothree 12y ago

Eh, everyone praised me for being smart. I never studied much in school. When I got to college that didn't work anymore and I couldn't just get As without trying much. But I did work hard and did well, despite the lack of praise for effort. So I'm skeptical that it really matters that much what people do. I do think that too much praise isn't useful, because kids aren't stupid and understand what's going on.

tootie 12y ago

This has actually been backed by research: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/