6 ms·

I was so impressed with the NYTimes article I saw posted this morning about a study done on strangers falling in love, that I took the questions from the origin

by ada1981 12y ago

I was so impressed with the NYTimes article I saw posted this morning about a study done on strangers falling in love, that I took the questions from the original study and built an app / game. Should be a great tool for first dates or for fun with your lover. Enjoy! The inspiration was this thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8866933 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8866933

simonswords82 12y ago
Good work, would be great if both partners could submit their answers online separately, which then generates a page where they can compare the results together.
- ada1981 12y ago
  The point is for folks to do it in person -- as an in person game. I figured people could fire up an iphone while at dinner and play. But would be cool to be able to invite your partner for an online only version. Perhaps I could have people chose to play online or play in person.
  - simonswords82 12y ago
    Yeah, definitely keep how it currently works but the ability to do it separately too would be neat.
- vxNsr 12y ago
  You're missing the point - this is something that is done on a date as a sorta really long icebreaker that tells you right away if this person is someone you could spend a lot of time with, this replaces those awkward first date questions because neither one of you has to think them up, they're someone else's and you're just "following the rules" but at the same time they're a fun thing to do.
  - ada1981 12y ago
    I'm thinking of including an easter egg that unlocks a slide saying "Kiss each other" after the eye gazing ;)
    - joshmn 12y ago
      Ah yes, my favorite call-to-action.
      - ada1981 12y ago
        Added... http://imgur.com/6mI0NzN http://imgur.com/6mI0NzN Let me know if you find it ;)
- sago 12y ago
  That would completely defeat the object. The point of this exercise is not the transfer of information, but the practice of intimacy.
  - ada1981 12y ago
    Curious if there is an application for LD relationships.. Surely you could do this over facetime with a lover. Would be an interesting study actually, and fairly easy to design. Could you simulate intimacy with a bot? Simply ask these questions and give feedback like you are listening and when asked questions, have some scripted responses. Maybe a plugin for Siri :)
    - sago 12y ago
      LD relationships, at this point, are not much different to F2F relationships, in my experience. If anything, the use of asynch comms (meeting via PMs, for example), means that conversations get to intimate details faster, because people involved have a little more time to be the person they want to be, rather than a jibbering bag of dating nerves. Less of that underlying ambience of subdued panic, that is common in F2F dating. You could absolutely simulate intimacy, yes. But it would be as satisfying and useful as a digital ice-cream simulation.
nether 12y ago
"most terrible memory" Yeah, there's a fun one for a first date. Seriously how do you handle that question? Some people have had very bad things happen to them.
- ada1981 12y ago
  "Deciding to go on a first date with you." :) I thought that was an intense question. But I also see how, why not? Also, in the context that you've built some trust with this person, you might give people space to communicate things they haven't felt safe experiencing. I should probably create an accompanying course on how to hold space for someone and to create a safe, empathic environment.
- perlgeek 12y ago
  Well, relationships are about sharing the darker sides too. That said, if you don't want to talk about it, say so. Or give only a very brief summary without going into detail ("my $relative died very slowly from cancer", "I had an abusive partner", ...).
  - Ntrails 12y ago
    The difficulty is that sometimes memories are not fun and it's hard to dissemble and move on. I had a tinder date last year and for some reason I was put in a position where it was necessary to explain that my father had died recently. I couldn't avoid memories flooding back, and could only apologise whilst I tried to control my thoughts and move on. That stinted conversation for a good 30 minutes and honestly I nearly just walked away because it was so goddamned uncomfortable. I don't want to share that kind of pain with a stranger. Maybe once I've known someone for a few months I'd feel happy doing so.
- delish 12y ago
  I'm imagining how I would look/act and how my date would look/act upon seeing that question. I think the use of that question is not in communicating the information of the most terrible memory, but rather in seeing your partner feel sad, then empathizing with him/her. This helps create a climate of intimacy and trust, regardless of the answer to the question. Overall, I enjoyed reading the questions and I plan to do this.
bksenior 12y ago
LOL, I've been doing the same thing tonight. Funny that I found this afterward.
- ada1981 12y ago
  How did you approach it?
taigeair 12y ago
wow, you are fast
- ada1981 12y ago
  Funny.. Some people are like "this took you all day!" others say it was fast... I felt like it was taking me forever, but looking back feel like I got a lot done.. today feels much slower and I'm a bit frozen with decisions to make...
Hmaal 12y ago
You work fast my man. I saw the post and read the article when it popped up on HN. Well done.
- ada1981 12y ago
  Thanks!

by ada1981 12y ago

simonswords82 12y ago

Good work, would be great if both partners could submit their answers online separately, which then generates a page where they can compare the results together.

ada1981 12y ago
The point is for folks to do it in person -- as an in person game. I figured people could fire up an iphone while at dinner and play. But would be cool to be able to invite your partner for an online only version. Perhaps I could have people chose to play online or play in person.
- simonswords82 12y ago
  Yeah, definitely keep how it currently works but the ability to do it separately too would be neat.
vxNsr 12y ago
You're missing the point - this is something that is done on a date as a sorta really long icebreaker that tells you right away if this person is someone you could spend a lot of time with, this replaces those awkward first date questions because neither one of you has to think them up, they're someone else's and you're just "following the rules" but at the same time they're a fun thing to do.
- ada1981 12y ago
  I'm thinking of including an easter egg that unlocks a slide saying "Kiss each other" after the eye gazing ;)
  - joshmn 12y ago
    Ah yes, my favorite call-to-action.
    - ada1981 12y ago
      Added... http://imgur.com/6mI0NzN http://imgur.com/6mI0NzN Let me know if you find it ;)
sago 12y ago
That would completely defeat the object. The point of this exercise is not the transfer of information, but the practice of intimacy.
- ada1981 12y ago
  Curious if there is an application for LD relationships.. Surely you could do this over facetime with a lover. Would be an interesting study actually, and fairly easy to design. Could you simulate intimacy with a bot? Simply ask these questions and give feedback like you are listening and when asked questions, have some scripted responses. Maybe a plugin for Siri :)
  - sago 12y ago
    LD relationships, at this point, are not much different to F2F relationships, in my experience. If anything, the use of asynch comms (meeting via PMs, for example), means that conversations get to intimate details faster, because people involved have a little more time to be the person they want to be, rather than a jibbering bag of dating nerves. Less of that underlying ambience of subdued panic, that is common in F2F dating. You could absolutely simulate intimacy, yes. But it would be as satisfying and useful as a digital ice-cream simulation.

nether 12y ago

"most terrible memory" Yeah, there's a fun one for a first date. Seriously how do you handle that question? Some people have had very bad things happen to them.

ada1981 12y ago
"Deciding to go on a first date with you." :) I thought that was an intense question. But I also see how, why not? Also, in the context that you've built some trust with this person, you might give people space to communicate things they haven't felt safe experiencing. I should probably create an accompanying course on how to hold space for someone and to create a safe, empathic environment.
perlgeek 12y ago
Well, relationships are about sharing the darker sides too. That said, if you don't want to talk about it, say so. Or give only a very brief summary without going into detail ("my $relative died very slowly from cancer", "I had an abusive partner", ...).
- Ntrails 12y ago
  The difficulty is that sometimes memories are not fun and it's hard to dissemble and move on. I had a tinder date last year and for some reason I was put in a position where it was necessary to explain that my father had died recently. I couldn't avoid memories flooding back, and could only apologise whilst I tried to control my thoughts and move on. That stinted conversation for a good 30 minutes and honestly I nearly just walked away because it was so goddamned uncomfortable. I don't want to share that kind of pain with a stranger. Maybe once I've known someone for a few months I'd feel happy doing so.
delish 12y ago
I'm imagining how I would look/act and how my date would look/act upon seeing that question. I think the use of that question is not in communicating the information of the most terrible memory, but rather in seeing your partner feel sad, then empathizing with him/her. This helps create a climate of intimacy and trust, regardless of the answer to the question. Overall, I enjoyed reading the questions and I plan to do this.

bksenior 12y ago

LOL, I've been doing the same thing tonight. Funny that I found this afterward.

ada1981 12y ago
How did you approach it?

taigeair 12y ago

wow, you are fast

ada1981 12y ago
Funny.. Some people are like "this took you all day!" others say it was fast... I felt like it was taking me forever, but looking back feel like I got a lot done.. today feels much slower and I'm a bit frozen with decisions to make...

Hmaal 12y ago

You work fast my man. I saw the post and read the article when it popped up on HN. Well done.

ada1981 12y ago
Thanks!