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So, I have been a heroin user (addict) for a long time, about fifteen years. I have a great job, as a senior engineer in a start-up, and have worked almost cont

by tmp-20150107 12y ago

So, I have been a heroin user (addict) for a long time, about fifteen years. I have a great job, as a senior engineer in a start-up, and have worked almost continually in IT while maintianing my habit. I've tried to quit, several times, and found it incredibly hard. As the article sugests, a change of scenery really does help, though. So, when I've been working overseas, or travelling to speak at conferences, then I find it's much easier to stop. I would take some methadone with me, and wean myself gradually off using it, over only a week or two. I have actually done this several times, and found that after a month I am essentially clean. However, when I return home I have always relapsed, usually pretty quickly. This is something I currently have a huge problem with, and I don't really know how to solve it ;( I'm trying to stop again, and wonderining if maybe a change of location would be the right way to do this properly?

pstuart 12y ago
Changing locations to get clean is called "pulling a geographic" by the 12-step folks (at least those I was hanging out with). Obviously getting away from bad influences helps. Glib suggestion: perhaps replacing that addiction with the addiction of exercise might be worth exploring?
- tmp-20150107 12y ago
  Hm, makes sense. I think hobbies in general can be used to take the place of an addiction. I should probably cycle to work more, though ;) However one of the major problems with heroin addiction is the actuall process of quitting. You can't keep a job during withdrawl, i.e. cold turkey. There are clinics that offer 'five day detox' under sedation, but that's expensive (GBP 5K plus) and good luck getting NHS or health insurance to pay. They offer naltrexone implants, which prevent opiates from working altogether, which removes the option of relapse completely... Getting a methadone prescription in the UK is also tedious to say the least - you are supervised when taking your daily dose, must report for 'assessment' regularly and so on, which is hard to fit in to a working schedule. And forget about getting enough to take away with you on a business trip for a couple of weeks. I generally have to purchase on the black market when required, which is ridiculous. I'd love to be able to ask my GP for help, and simply be given a repeat prescription for a week or two's supply to take home, but that's never going to happen because they're afraid of it being sold. So I have to buy it from others, which doesn't make sense...?!
  - encoderer 12y ago
    There are options aside from Methadone. I've had experience with this in my family as well. To me soboxone looks like a miracle drug. It gave me my friend back.
  - pstuart 12y ago
    My brother died of a heroin overdose, so this is a topic of interest to me. I struggle with my own demons as well and should be taking my advice too. One possible way out: http://www.howtoquitheroin.com/How_to_Quit_Heroin_with_Kratom.html http://www.howtoquitheroin.com/How_to_Quit_Heroin_with_Krato... But there's no point in quitting if you don't have a plan for how to live your life not addicted. Fill it up with good stuff and drain out the pus of emotional pain that put you there in the first place. Good luck!
  - tmp-201555 12y ago
    There are much better options in the UK. I have been attending an evening clinic once a month for the past couple of years where I'm given 2 x two-week prescriptions for buprenorphine which are dispensed by a pharmacy once a week. When I first attended I had to collect the prescription every day - which I did after work - but after a month or so they trusted me enough to move to once-a-month. It doesn't affect my job as it's all done in the evening and the only time I had to visit during the day was my first session there where I met with a doctor to assess my condition and that was a saturday. I've also been on holiday a number of times and they provide enough to cover me while I'm away as long as I give them 2-weeks notice and provide proof of the holiday and it's duration. I have been slowly reducing my daily dose and I'm now close to stopping entirely and it's been totally painless. The staff are always friendly and I can't express how much they've changed my life.
Kiro 12y ago
Can you tell us a bit how a day looks? Do you use it on a daily basis? Are you on it while working?
- tmp-20150107 12y ago
  That's what a heroin addiction means. Daily use, or withdrawl, which is really not as much fun as it's made out to be on television...
  - Kiro 12y ago
    Are you using needles? Do you need to involve yourself with criminals in order to buy it? Do your colleagues know or suspect anything at all? Do you have a normal house or does it look like the apartments you see in Black Tar Heroin? Sorry for all the questions but I'm genuinely interested and fascinated when you say you have a job as as Senior Software Engineer while being addicted to heroin.
    - tmp-20150107 12y ago
      With the caveat that I'm an absolute idiot, and if you try and emulate any of this, you're even more of an idiot, then why not... I both shoot up and smoke. Particularly when I'm working it helps to have injected at lunchtime or in the morning, and that'll keep me going the rest of the day. Smoking (chasing the dragon) on foil is much more of a time consuming thing, and I'd do that at home in the evening, where it will last all night. Also it's not possible to use that way in public ;) The kind of people I buy from aren't the 'street' type dealers who are as likely to stab you as provide product. I have regular suppliers who have a much more stable lifestyly, and I either meet them or they will deliver. Yes, they're criminals, but the drug dealing is likely the only criminal activity they're involved in, they may even have a trade or job on the side as well. Whether colleagues suspect is _always_ a worry. I think as long as you do your job well, employers will tolerate a fair bit. In my case, producing code is hopefully good enough to keep everyone happy. And with code in GitHub as open source and speaking at conferences, you can't hide; everyone can see how productive you are. The biggest problem is probably if I run out of heroin, meaning I can't work due to withdrawl, which is often hard to explain. But yes, it is quite possible to maintain a full-time job as a software engineer along with a full-time heroin addiction, Cf. functioning alcoholics. Bear in mind that many start-ups often have a number of 'eccentric' and socially awkward types already, so spotting someone with a heroin addiction is probably going to be quite hard, - as long as they're not falling asleep at their desk every day ;) Of course there are downsides. You'll probablym have no spare money (GBP 40 at least and up to GBP 100 per day, not sure about the USA) and no social life with your colleagues (you can't go drinking with them because you have to go home and score and then shoot up or smoke) and it's hugely emotionally draining. It takes a lot of work hiding things from people. Another big problem I have is that although I consider myself (fairly) intelligent and (somewhat) talented, I feel like heroin use has sapped about 10-20 IQ points, and my short-term memory has also taken a hit. This is a big reason for wanting to quit - I'm getting older and I worry about the cumulative effect on my mind and my productivity. So there you go. It's actually been sort of cathartic to write this, but I really have to emphasise that what prompted me to create this throwaway account is that I'm trying to _quit_ - not to encourage anyone to start! Heroin has been very comforting in the past, but it's not something I want in the future. Recently, successes at work have been driving me to think that I just don't need the crutch of my addiction anymore. If I can stop this, that'll be the best thing I've achieved in a long time, and I hope it'll help me and the company I work for achieve even more...

pstuart 12y ago

Changing locations to get clean is called "pulling a geographic" by the 12-step folks (at least those I was hanging out with). Obviously getting away from bad influences helps. Glib suggestion: perhaps replacing that addiction with the addiction of exercise might be worth exploring?

tmp-20150107 12y ago
Hm, makes sense. I think hobbies in general can be used to take the place of an addiction. I should probably cycle to work more, though ;) However one of the major problems with heroin addiction is the actuall process of quitting. You can't keep a job during withdrawl, i.e. cold turkey. There are clinics that offer 'five day detox' under sedation, but that's expensive (GBP 5K plus) and good luck getting NHS or health insurance to pay. They offer naltrexone implants, which prevent opiates from working altogether, which removes the option of relapse completely... Getting a methadone prescription in the UK is also tedious to say the least - you are supervised when taking your daily dose, must report for 'assessment' regularly and so on, which is hard to fit in to a working schedule. And forget about getting enough to take away with you on a business trip for a couple of weeks. I generally have to purchase on the black market when required, which is ridiculous. I'd love to be able to ask my GP for help, and simply be given a repeat prescription for a week or two's supply to take home, but that's never going to happen because they're afraid of it being sold. So I have to buy it from others, which doesn't make sense...?!
- encoderer 12y ago
  There are options aside from Methadone. I've had experience with this in my family as well. To me soboxone looks like a miracle drug. It gave me my friend back.
- pstuart 12y ago
  My brother died of a heroin overdose, so this is a topic of interest to me. I struggle with my own demons as well and should be taking my advice too. One possible way out: http://www.howtoquitheroin.com/How_to_Quit_Heroin_with_Kratom.html http://www.howtoquitheroin.com/How_to_Quit_Heroin_with_Krato... But there's no point in quitting if you don't have a plan for how to live your life not addicted. Fill it up with good stuff and drain out the pus of emotional pain that put you there in the first place. Good luck!
- tmp-201555 12y ago
  There are much better options in the UK. I have been attending an evening clinic once a month for the past couple of years where I'm given 2 x two-week prescriptions for buprenorphine which are dispensed by a pharmacy once a week. When I first attended I had to collect the prescription every day - which I did after work - but after a month or so they trusted me enough to move to once-a-month. It doesn't affect my job as it's all done in the evening and the only time I had to visit during the day was my first session there where I met with a doctor to assess my condition and that was a saturday. I've also been on holiday a number of times and they provide enough to cover me while I'm away as long as I give them 2-weeks notice and provide proof of the holiday and it's duration. I have been slowly reducing my daily dose and I'm now close to stopping entirely and it's been totally painless. The staff are always friendly and I can't express how much they've changed my life.

Kiro 12y ago

Can you tell us a bit how a day looks? Do you use it on a daily basis? Are you on it while working?

tmp-20150107 12y ago
That's what a heroin addiction means. Daily use, or withdrawl, which is really not as much fun as it's made out to be on television...
- Kiro 12y ago
  Are you using needles? Do you need to involve yourself with criminals in order to buy it? Do your colleagues know or suspect anything at all? Do you have a normal house or does it look like the apartments you see in Black Tar Heroin? Sorry for all the questions but I'm genuinely interested and fascinated when you say you have a job as as Senior Software Engineer while being addicted to heroin.
  - tmp-20150107 12y ago
    With the caveat that I'm an absolute idiot, and if you try and emulate any of this, you're even more of an idiot, then why not... I both shoot up and smoke. Particularly when I'm working it helps to have injected at lunchtime or in the morning, and that'll keep me going the rest of the day. Smoking (chasing the dragon) on foil is much more of a time consuming thing, and I'd do that at home in the evening, where it will last all night. Also it's not possible to use that way in public ;) The kind of people I buy from aren't the 'street' type dealers who are as likely to stab you as provide product. I have regular suppliers who have a much more stable lifestyly, and I either meet them or they will deliver. Yes, they're criminals, but the drug dealing is likely the only criminal activity they're involved in, they may even have a trade or job on the side as well. Whether colleagues suspect is _always_ a worry. I think as long as you do your job well, employers will tolerate a fair bit. In my case, producing code is hopefully good enough to keep everyone happy. And with code in GitHub as open source and speaking at conferences, you can't hide; everyone can see how productive you are. The biggest problem is probably if I run out of heroin, meaning I can't work due to withdrawl, which is often hard to explain. But yes, it is quite possible to maintain a full-time job as a software engineer along with a full-time heroin addiction, Cf. functioning alcoholics. Bear in mind that many start-ups often have a number of 'eccentric' and socially awkward types already, so spotting someone with a heroin addiction is probably going to be quite hard, - as long as they're not falling asleep at their desk every day ;) Of course there are downsides. You'll probablym have no spare money (GBP 40 at least and up to GBP 100 per day, not sure about the USA) and no social life with your colleagues (you can't go drinking with them because you have to go home and score and then shoot up or smoke) and it's hugely emotionally draining. It takes a lot of work hiding things from people. Another big problem I have is that although I consider myself (fairly) intelligent and (somewhat) talented, I feel like heroin use has sapped about 10-20 IQ points, and my short-term memory has also taken a hit. This is a big reason for wanting to quit - I'm getting older and I worry about the cumulative effect on my mind and my productivity. So there you go. It's actually been sort of cathartic to write this, but I really have to emphasise that what prompted me to create this throwaway account is that I'm trying to _quit_ - not to encourage anyone to start! Heroin has been very comforting in the past, but it's not something I want in the future. Recently, successes at work have been driving me to think that I just don't need the crutch of my addiction anymore. If I can stop this, that'll be the best thing I've achieved in a long time, and I hope it'll help me and the company I work for achieve even more...