3 ms·

I just don't get the article. Would somebody care to explain it? Rarely do I get exactly what I want by "just being myself." Being socially adept is a learned

by twir 17y ago

I just don't get the article. Would somebody care to explain it? Rarely do I get exactly what I want by "just being myself." Being socially adept is a learned behavior, often requiring one to modify one's own behavior to fit in. I speak of this anecdotally. Maybe I'm missing the point?

zasz 17y ago
I think you're taking that part about being yourself a bit too literally. It is completely possible to be socially adept (refraining from making dead baby jokes around new mothers, not picking your nose in public, saying "please" and "thank you") and still manage to do things you enjoy at home or as a career. Perhaps catfish farming is your true passion, and people all your life have been giving you weird looks if they were strangers, or trying to push you into a safer occupation like lawyering if they were friends, but your will to raise catfish commercially won. (Po Bronson actually writes about a catfish farmer in his book "What Should I Do With My Life?", I believe.) That's an example of being yourself and still leaving plenty of room to be socially adept. Though, with that slightly contrived example concluded, there are times when really being yourself and being socially acceptable aren't compatible. (Being a woman a few hundred years ago who liked math, being black in the South a few decades ago, etc). But being socially adept would not have saved you there. I think we're fortunate in that the trajectory seems to be going in the direction that we need make such compromises less and less.
t3 17y ago
Hey, I'm the dude who wrote the original blog post. Social adeptness is a learned behaviour, but I've seen too many of my friends either go down fighting or buy into the system and become drones. And in case, I don't check back ... you can direct your ire to gopalv -at- php.net :)

3 ms·

I just don't get the article. Would somebody care to explain it? Rarely do I get exactly what I want by "just being myself." Being socially adept is a learned

by twir 17y ago

zasz 17y ago
I think you're taking that part about being yourself a bit too literally. It is completely possible to be socially adept (refraining from making dead baby jokes around new mothers, not picking your nose in public, saying "please" and "thank you") and still manage to do things you enjoy at home or as a career. Perhaps catfish farming is your true passion, and people all your life have been giving you weird looks if they were strangers, or trying to push you into a safer occupation like lawyering if they were friends, but your will to raise catfish commercially won. (Po Bronson actually writes about a catfish farmer in his book "What Should I Do With My Life?", I believe.) That's an example of being yourself and still leaving plenty of room to be socially adept. Though, with that slightly contrived example concluded, there are times when really being yourself and being socially acceptable aren't compatible. (Being a woman a few hundred years ago who liked math, being black in the South a few decades ago, etc). But being socially adept would not have saved you there. I think we're fortunate in that the trajectory seems to be going in the direction that we need make such compromises less and less.
t3 17y ago
Hey, I'm the dude who wrote the original blog post. Social adeptness is a learned behaviour, but I've seen too many of my friends either go down fighting or buy into the system and become drones. And in case, I don't check back ... you can direct your ire to gopalv -at- php.net :)