Are you serious? I absolutely loathe PHP and its idiosyncrasies, but at least you don't have to literally tell it to PLEASE do something. To INTERCALs defense,

Are you serious? I absolutely loathe PHP and its idiosyncrasies, but at least you don't have to literally tell it to PLEASE do something. To INTERCALs defense, the only thing I can say is that it's at least a good joke.