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I think they overly downplay the effectiveness and efficiency of vanishing. I used to work with a VERY polished salesman, who was the king of making everyone f

I think they overly downplay the effectiveness and efficiency of vanishing. I used to work with a VERY polished salesman, who was the king of making everyone feel at home at his events. He was an absolute gentleman. But you knew he would disappear without saying a word at the end of the night. There would be a car waiting for everyone that needed it, but he wouldn't say Goodbye. Nobody faulted him for it. On the other extreme... I went to a political fundraiser where it was clear the politician worked the room like a, well politician. He made everyone feel important and listened to. After he had done his once-over, he announced, "Thank you all for coming. I apologize for leaving abruptly, I have to go an meet my mom for dinner." I was stunned at how smooth he was.

logfromblammo 12y ago
The unannounced exit is also known by the slang terms "ghosting", "Irish goodbye", and "French leave". I'm not altogether certain that you could place it at a fixed position on the "appropriateness" axis. It would probably depend largely upon the number of people in the social environment, and as such, the one-on-one conversation experiment would be the least appropriate situation in which it could possibly be used. The politician in your example used both a closing statement and an excuse to disengage, the two strategies with both high politeness and high efficiency. That shows a very high level of social intelligence.
- mathattack 12y ago
  I was in awe of him. And thought, "That's how and why he got elected." :-)
kennu 12y ago
I'd say it's an entirely different thing to vanish from an event than to vanish from a conversation. Vanishing from an event early can be seen as considerate: you don't want to spoil other people's party mood with your goodbyes and by having to decline the invitations to stay a little longer or to join an afterparty. You just vanish and let others party on. The more alcohol is involved, the less anyone even notices. But vanishing (walking away) from an active conversation without any concluding ritual or external interruption is just perceived as rude.

logfromblammo 12y ago

The unannounced exit is also known by the slang terms "ghosting", "Irish goodbye", and "French leave". I'm not altogether certain that you could place it at a fixed position on the "appropriateness" axis. It would probably depend largely upon the number of people in the social environment, and as such, the one-on-one conversation experiment would be the least appropriate situation in which it could possibly be used. The politician in your example used both a closing statement and an excuse to disengage, the two strategies with both high politeness and high efficiency. That shows a very high level of social intelligence.

mathattack 12y ago
I was in awe of him. And thought, "That's how and why he got elected." :-)

kennu 12y ago

I'd say it's an entirely different thing to vanish from an event than to vanish from a conversation. Vanishing from an event early can be seen as considerate: you don't want to spoil other people's party mood with your goodbyes and by having to decline the invitations to stay a little longer or to join an afterparty. You just vanish and let others party on. The more alcohol is involved, the less anyone even notices. But vanishing (walking away) from an active conversation without any concluding ritual or external interruption is just perceived as rude.