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Well, ok, don't mind if I do. "I'm self employed now, so take the following with a grain sf salt - it worked for me though. When I was dealing with HR, I made

by warcher 12y ago

Well, ok, don't mind if I do. "I'm self employed now, so take the following with a grain sf salt - it worked for me though. When I was dealing with HR, I made sure to growl a lot while talking, and stand in front of the only exit. There's a kind of sociopath that will only act with some consideration if they realize that their skeletal integrity is at risk, because they're the sort of people who would do that to others if given the chance. I don't beat up people at random, but you can bet that at least some sociopaths would if they thought they could get away with it - use it against them. Not to mean that all HR folks are sociopath, but you do get quite a few." Again I say, pump the brakes, internet tough guy. Who would do this to an HR lady? Who would need to? You have a real boner for physical violence and intimidation-- I didn't have to dig for hours to find you saying something else crazy. Believe it or not, there exist a variety of socially acceptable outlets to get your ya-ya's out against trained opponents your own size. I think (after giving you the benefit of the doubt on not just being a bullying thug, which is how you come off) you'd enjoy it quite a lot, and get an outlet for this aggression that isn't setting you back in your career. Seriously. Try a boxing gym. Boxing is very underrated these days. Worked wonders for me, back when I was getting in lots of fights. Be well man. You got some demons chasing you.

spiritplumber 12y ago
Yeah, I kinda do have some demons chasing me. Again, I've never started a fight in my adult life (the last serious fight I ended was about a year and two months ago, don't try to steal my stuff and don't bring a knife to a wrestling match I guess). For sports, I used to do fencing (and be absolute crap at it, for the record, but that's not the point), haven't found something to get into yet, boxing doesn't sound like a bad idea, thanks. If you think I have an overarching point with how to deal with sociopaths, please address it. If you don't, heh, thanks for the safety/health advice. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR lady? Got me. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR guy who thought because he could get you in trouble with the boss, you had to tell him "you are right" when in fact he was wrong? Me, as often as necessary. There's right and there's wrong and it never matters who says what, if it's true it's true, if it's false it's false. People who think might makes right, need to be reminded that the logical consequence of that thinking is "I'm bigger than you". Sometimes the reminder has to be very direct. I abhor that philosophy, but if it's the only way I have to relate to someone because they endorse it, so be it. And no, I don't have much of a boner for anything. Like I said, I take great pride in being honest and generous. I'm just sick and tired of people acting like everyone but them is disposable, and getting away of it because they can work the system. You know what worries me? I say "So, I spent a year of my life getting two people off meth" and nobody cares (Yeah, maybe I'm making that up to look better. Maybe I'm not. Make a decision). I say "I am not against punching the deserving in the face when warranted" and people think that's scary. What's scary is that nobody gives enough of a damn to risk bruises. I have tried to, in my small way. If more people did - we'd see more fistfights and less shootings, police abuse, civil right violations and so on, I think.
- warcher 12y ago
  I've got two overarching points on dealing with toxic people (not limited to any particular flavor). 1) Try really hard not to be one. This is by far the most important point. You can't please all the people all the time, but really push yourself hard not to be toxic to the people around you. Physical intimidation and violence is extremely toxic behavior, which is the root of our discussion. Don't do it. 2) When faced with toxic people, get rid of them in the most permanent and expeditious manner possible. Rarely will open confrontation be your strategy of choice here. You escalate things and you find yourself with a beef taking up space in your brain and theirs, and, most importantly, jack shit to show for it. You get nothing but damage. That's a bad deal. If you need a rule of thumb, it should be smile and walk away. Fast. Shitty boss? Smile and walk away. HR troll? Smile and walk away. Dead weight cofounder? Smile and walk away. Bad business deal? Smile and walk away. Don't try to fix them, don't try to teach them a lesson, stay nice and get out. It might sting for a second, but over the long term I promise it will be to your benefit. I have done it both ways and my results have been conclusive. Don't snag yourself on the sunk cost fallacy. Get. Out.

by warcher 12y ago

spiritplumber 12y ago

Yeah, I kinda do have some demons chasing me. Again, I've never started a fight in my adult life (the last serious fight I ended was about a year and two months ago, don't try to steal my stuff and don't bring a knife to a wrestling match I guess). For sports, I used to do fencing (and be absolute crap at it, for the record, but that's not the point), haven't found something to get into yet, boxing doesn't sound like a bad idea, thanks. If you think I have an overarching point with how to deal with sociopaths, please address it. If you don't, heh, thanks for the safety/health advice. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR lady? Got me. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR guy who thought because he could get you in trouble with the boss, you had to tell him "you are right" when in fact he was wrong? Me, as often as necessary. There's right and there's wrong and it never matters who says what, if it's true it's true, if it's false it's false. People who think might makes right, need to be reminded that the logical consequence of that thinking is "I'm bigger than you". Sometimes the reminder has to be very direct. I abhor that philosophy, but if it's the only way I have to relate to someone because they endorse it, so be it. And no, I don't have much of a boner for anything. Like I said, I take great pride in being honest and generous. I'm just sick and tired of people acting like everyone but them is disposable, and getting away of it because they can work the system. You know what worries me? I say "So, I spent a year of my life getting two people off meth" and nobody cares (Yeah, maybe I'm making that up to look better. Maybe I'm not. Make a decision). I say "I am not against punching the deserving in the face when warranted" and people think that's scary. What's scary is that nobody gives enough of a damn to risk bruises. I have tried to, in my small way. If more people did - we'd see more fistfights and less shootings, police abuse, civil right violations and so on, I think.

warcher 12y ago
I've got two overarching points on dealing with toxic people (not limited to any particular flavor). 1) Try really hard not to be one. This is by far the most important point. You can't please all the people all the time, but really push yourself hard not to be toxic to the people around you. Physical intimidation and violence is extremely toxic behavior, which is the root of our discussion. Don't do it. 2) When faced with toxic people, get rid of them in the most permanent and expeditious manner possible. Rarely will open confrontation be your strategy of choice here. You escalate things and you find yourself with a beef taking up space in your brain and theirs, and, most importantly, jack shit to show for it. You get nothing but damage. That's a bad deal. If you need a rule of thumb, it should be smile and walk away. Fast. Shitty boss? Smile and walk away. HR troll? Smile and walk away. Dead weight cofounder? Smile and walk away. Bad business deal? Smile and walk away. Don't try to fix them, don't try to teach them a lesson, stay nice and get out. It might sting for a second, but over the long term I promise it will be to your benefit. I have done it both ways and my results have been conclusive. Don't snag yourself on the sunk cost fallacy. Get. Out.