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I agree with you - like I said, I've never started a fight in my adult life. And I don't threaten to beat people up; that's for the weak; I tell people up front

I agree with you - like I said, I've never started a fight in my adult life. And I don't threaten to beat people up; that's for the weak; I tell people up front "If you are dishonest with me, you will not hear from my lawyer; I will kick your ass there and then". It speaks to the reptilian brain, and unfortunately, it's all some people (especially "mean people") listen to - which is my main point here. That said, I have two close friends whose relationship I started with by being punched in the face and punching back. A punch is communication, sometimes (I would argue that a knife lunge, or a bullet, are not - they have permanent consequences). We are humans. Humans, especially men, have an instinct for violence. If you can let it out by knuckles, and go home with just a black eye - it's a lot better than letting things fester and escalate, and up stabbed, shot, or having your life ruined by a bureaucracy. Like I said, I'm a honest person. I've spent six months designing a critical part of a power plant on a handshake. I've had the pleasure of dealing with people who've done stuff like that on a much larger scale (think oilfields). I just never again want to deal with people who think that they're better than their word. As far as blacklists go... they're for other people. The space around me? Blacklist free zone. I've let two meth junkies into my home, live there for a year, put them through what rehab I could manage. One is clean and back in school, the other is mostly clean and working (min wage, but better than nothing). They had been "blacklisted" by a good chunk of society (yay being trans, eh), even by their own families. I don't do blacklists. And I don't let others do it to me. (You know the "rejection rejection letter" joke that floats around? I've done something like that once. It was fun and a bit of science got done because of it.) How do I enforce this? With my hands and with my head, same as everyone else. They're the greatest weapons in the universe, BECAUSE they're the opposite of weapons 99% of the time, it's what you make stuff with. Maybe I'm telling the truth and maybe I'm just being an internet tough guy. If you care to know, do science to it, think.

jacalata 12y ago
> I don't threaten to beat people up; that's for the weak; I tell people up front "If you are dishonest with me, you will not hear from my lawyer; I will kick your ass there and then". What do you think you're doing if not threatening to beat them up? I wouldn't tell you anything in response but I'd try and get out of a business relationship with you ASAP. It makes you sound unstable, unpredictable, not worth it.
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
- spiritplumber 12y ago
  FWIW, that's how one of my closest friends feels about this - he believes I shouldn't post my opinions on HN in the first place, and just build rep by writing comments that go with the local milieu. What good would that do to the discussion, though? Read, think, make up your mind, beware echo chambers. If you think I'm unpredictable, thank you! If you think I'm unstable and not worth it, it's your right to. My track record should speak for itself for those who know me, and for those who don't, I'm just one more random poster on a forum.
  - Malician 12y ago
    I'm not the strongest person. I probably don't have the ability to beat your face in if you welsh on a deal, and if you go nuts I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. I do have one attribute, though. I can say "no" to someone who tries to intimidate me. The worst relationships are those with a threat on the table you're not quite sure about. I'd rather call the threat in and deal with the consequences than live with a sword hanging over my neck. Life is too short for that crap.
  - jacalata 12y ago
    I have no idea what you mean. Your friend thinks you shouldn't threaten people, or that you shouldn't tell HN that you threaten people?
    - spiritplumber 12y ago
      That I shouldn't tell HN that I threaten people (I maintain that I don't, but I guess it was read that way), on ground of it being possibly bad for business. To me, honesty remains the best policy. Even if not for me particularly, a society that believes that is more robust, and well, lead by example.
      - jacalata 12y ago
warcher 12y ago
Well, ok, don't mind if I do. "I'm self employed now, so take the following with a grain sf salt - it worked for me though. When I was dealing with HR, I made sure to growl a lot while talking, and stand in front of the only exit. There's a kind of sociopath that will only act with some consideration if they realize that their skeletal integrity is at risk, because they're the sort of people who would do that to others if given the chance. I don't beat up people at random, but you can bet that at least some sociopaths would if they thought they could get away with it - use it against them. Not to mean that all HR folks are sociopath, but you do get quite a few." Again I say, pump the brakes, internet tough guy. Who would do this to an HR lady? Who would need to? You have a real boner for physical violence and intimidation-- I didn't have to dig for hours to find you saying something else crazy. Believe it or not, there exist a variety of socially acceptable outlets to get your ya-ya's out against trained opponents your own size. I think (after giving you the benefit of the doubt on not just being a bullying thug, which is how you come off) you'd enjoy it quite a lot, and get an outlet for this aggression that isn't setting you back in your career. Seriously. Try a boxing gym. Boxing is very underrated these days. Worked wonders for me, back when I was getting in lots of fights. Be well man. You got some demons chasing you.
- spiritplumber 12y ago
  Yeah, I kinda do have some demons chasing me. Again, I've never started a fight in my adult life (the last serious fight I ended was about a year and two months ago, don't try to steal my stuff and don't bring a knife to a wrestling match I guess). For sports, I used to do fencing (and be absolute crap at it, for the record, but that's not the point), haven't found something to get into yet, boxing doesn't sound like a bad idea, thanks. If you think I have an overarching point with how to deal with sociopaths, please address it. If you don't, heh, thanks for the safety/health advice. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR lady? Got me. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR guy who thought because he could get you in trouble with the boss, you had to tell him "you are right" when in fact he was wrong? Me, as often as necessary. There's right and there's wrong and it never matters who says what, if it's true it's true, if it's false it's false. People who think might makes right, need to be reminded that the logical consequence of that thinking is "I'm bigger than you". Sometimes the reminder has to be very direct. I abhor that philosophy, but if it's the only way I have to relate to someone because they endorse it, so be it. And no, I don't have much of a boner for anything. Like I said, I take great pride in being honest and generous. I'm just sick and tired of people acting like everyone but them is disposable, and getting away of it because they can work the system. You know what worries me? I say "So, I spent a year of my life getting two people off meth" and nobody cares (Yeah, maybe I'm making that up to look better. Maybe I'm not. Make a decision). I say "I am not against punching the deserving in the face when warranted" and people think that's scary. What's scary is that nobody gives enough of a damn to risk bruises. I have tried to, in my small way. If more people did - we'd see more fistfights and less shootings, police abuse, civil right violations and so on, I think.

jacalata 12y ago

> I don't threaten to beat people up; that's for the weak; I tell people up front "If you are dishonest with me, you will not hear from my lawyer; I will kick your ass there and then". What do you think you're doing if not threatening to beat them up? I wouldn't tell you anything in response but I'd try and get out of a business relationship with you ASAP. It makes you sound unstable, unpredictable, not worth it.

deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
spiritplumber 12y ago
FWIW, that's how one of my closest friends feels about this - he believes I shouldn't post my opinions on HN in the first place, and just build rep by writing comments that go with the local milieu. What good would that do to the discussion, though? Read, think, make up your mind, beware echo chambers. If you think I'm unpredictable, thank you! If you think I'm unstable and not worth it, it's your right to. My track record should speak for itself for those who know me, and for those who don't, I'm just one more random poster on a forum.
- Malician 12y ago
  I'm not the strongest person. I probably don't have the ability to beat your face in if you welsh on a deal, and if you go nuts I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. I do have one attribute, though. I can say "no" to someone who tries to intimidate me. The worst relationships are those with a threat on the table you're not quite sure about. I'd rather call the threat in and deal with the consequences than live with a sword hanging over my neck. Life is too short for that crap.
- jacalata 12y ago
  I have no idea what you mean. Your friend thinks you shouldn't threaten people, or that you shouldn't tell HN that you threaten people?
  - spiritplumber 12y ago
    That I shouldn't tell HN that I threaten people (I maintain that I don't, but I guess it was read that way), on ground of it being possibly bad for business. To me, honesty remains the best policy. Even if not for me particularly, a society that believes that is more robust, and well, lead by example.
    - jacalata 12y ago

warcher 12y ago

Well, ok, don't mind if I do. "I'm self employed now, so take the following with a grain sf salt - it worked for me though. When I was dealing with HR, I made sure to growl a lot while talking, and stand in front of the only exit. There's a kind of sociopath that will only act with some consideration if they realize that their skeletal integrity is at risk, because they're the sort of people who would do that to others if given the chance. I don't beat up people at random, but you can bet that at least some sociopaths would if they thought they could get away with it - use it against them. Not to mean that all HR folks are sociopath, but you do get quite a few." Again I say, pump the brakes, internet tough guy. Who would do this to an HR lady? Who would need to? You have a real boner for physical violence and intimidation-- I didn't have to dig for hours to find you saying something else crazy. Believe it or not, there exist a variety of socially acceptable outlets to get your ya-ya's out against trained opponents your own size. I think (after giving you the benefit of the doubt on not just being a bullying thug, which is how you come off) you'd enjoy it quite a lot, and get an outlet for this aggression that isn't setting you back in your career. Seriously. Try a boxing gym. Boxing is very underrated these days. Worked wonders for me, back when I was getting in lots of fights. Be well man. You got some demons chasing you.

spiritplumber 12y ago
Yeah, I kinda do have some demons chasing me. Again, I've never started a fight in my adult life (the last serious fight I ended was about a year and two months ago, don't try to steal my stuff and don't bring a knife to a wrestling match I guess). For sports, I used to do fencing (and be absolute crap at it, for the record, but that's not the point), haven't found something to get into yet, boxing doesn't sound like a bad idea, thanks. If you think I have an overarching point with how to deal with sociopaths, please address it. If you don't, heh, thanks for the safety/health advice. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR lady? Got me. Who would try to appear intimidating to a HR guy who thought because he could get you in trouble with the boss, you had to tell him "you are right" when in fact he was wrong? Me, as often as necessary. There's right and there's wrong and it never matters who says what, if it's true it's true, if it's false it's false. People who think might makes right, need to be reminded that the logical consequence of that thinking is "I'm bigger than you". Sometimes the reminder has to be very direct. I abhor that philosophy, but if it's the only way I have to relate to someone because they endorse it, so be it. And no, I don't have much of a boner for anything. Like I said, I take great pride in being honest and generous. I'm just sick and tired of people acting like everyone but them is disposable, and getting away of it because they can work the system. You know what worries me? I say "So, I spent a year of my life getting two people off meth" and nobody cares (Yeah, maybe I'm making that up to look better. Maybe I'm not. Make a decision). I say "I am not against punching the deserving in the face when warranted" and people think that's scary. What's scary is that nobody gives enough of a damn to risk bruises. I have tried to, in my small way. If more people did - we'd see more fistfights and less shootings, police abuse, civil right violations and so on, I think.