One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a PHP class. He lay between clumsy pointed brackets,

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a PHP class. He lay between clumsy pointed brackets, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his soft-referenced underbelly, poorly indented and divided into giant blocks with redundant loops and parallel data structures. The tests were hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many built-ins, pitifully feeble compared to the bloated code they had to support, thrashed about helplessly as he looked.