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Several people have mentioned the important of considering multiple POVs before making a decision, but it seems to me the hard question is how to do that? It's

by NhanH 12y ago

Several people have mentioned the important of considering multiple POVs before making a decision, but it seems to me the hard question is how to do that? It's truly hard to "put yourself in other's shoes". And I suspect this is one of the main hard things young people have trouble with. How do you learn to do that (I know I have to, I just can't imagine the scenario until someone else told me)?

nostrademons 12y ago
Putting yourself in others' shoes gets easier with experience and practice. Particularly experiences where you must do it to get what you want. There's a reason why people low on a power hierarchy often score higher in measures of empathy than people who have always been high up. If you want to develop this skill, put yourself at the mercy of other people, and then don't give up or shy away when their decisions don't go your way. Instead, assume good faith and ask them why they made that decision. If there's information that would change their mind, provide it, but if there isn't - you've learned something important about the world. Romantic relationships are great for this - you can't make someone like you, you just have to be likable. So are employment situations with a tough but fair boss. Stay away from yes-men, and resist the temptation to do things yourself. Another big clue you can use is that whenever you catch yourself saying "This is stupid" or "I can't believe he's making that mistake" - stop, and brainstorm potential reasons why it might not be a mistake. I see a number of HN commenters with impassioned opinions about how dumb, corrupt, or greedy other people are. (I am occasionally one of them...nobody's perfect. :-)) If you want to practice empathy: stop, and look at the discussion. Why do the participants believe what they do? Usually you can get clues about their background from past comments. Usually, with practice, you can get clues by looking at the experience of other people with similar opinions. If you start from the premise that most people are basically rational and want to do good in the world, then the reason they might disagree is because they are each speaking from their own experience, and what looks rational depends upon the input data (in the form of life experience) that you have available to you.

by NhanH 12y ago

nostrademons 12y ago

Putting yourself in others' shoes gets easier with experience and practice. Particularly experiences where you must do it to get what you want. There's a reason why people low on a power hierarchy often score higher in measures of empathy than people who have always been high up. If you want to develop this skill, put yourself at the mercy of other people, and then don't give up or shy away when their decisions don't go your way. Instead, assume good faith and ask them why they made that decision. If there's information that would change their mind, provide it, but if there isn't - you've learned something important about the world. Romantic relationships are great for this - you can't make someone like you, you just have to be likable. So are employment situations with a tough but fair boss. Stay away from yes-men, and resist the temptation to do things yourself. Another big clue you can use is that whenever you catch yourself saying "This is stupid" or "I can't believe he's making that mistake" - stop, and brainstorm potential reasons why it might not be a mistake. I see a number of HN commenters with impassioned opinions about how dumb, corrupt, or greedy other people are. (I am occasionally one of them...nobody's perfect. :-)) If you want to practice empathy: stop, and look at the discussion. Why do the participants believe what they do? Usually you can get clues about their background from past comments. Usually, with practice, you can get clues by looking at the experience of other people with similar opinions. If you start from the premise that most people are basically rational and want to do good in the world, then the reason they might disagree is because they are each speaking from their own experience, and what looks rational depends upon the input data (in the form of life experience) that you have available to you.