4 ms·

I was speaking in regards to the tech buses, where you have the same people on board every day. It's a natural inclination for myself, and many other women I su

by marquis 12y ago

I was speaking in regards to the tech buses, where you have the same people on board every day. It's a natural inclination for myself, and many other women I suppose, to build relationships with people I see regularly.

Dewie 12y ago
So you would, for example, go up to someone that you see regularly but who you don't know and try to get to know them, either through some generic opener/remark/question or more bluntly ('Hi! I've seen you around here a lot lately and...). That doesn't really happen in my culture. People need an actual "excuse" to engage someone, like being at the same event or working together or practising the same sport. You can't just, you know, talk to someone because you want to be social for the hell of it - there needs to be some context. And happening to be in transit at about the same hours of the day doesn't qualify. This is how people in general are (here); both men and women. I guess you wouldn't like it here.
- selimthegrim 12y ago
  Where is "here"?
  - Dewie 12y ago
    The land of non-America (Norway to be more specific).
- greglindahl 12y ago
  Half the people in this sub-thread think it's about public transit, and the other half are talking about the company bus systems that take tech workers from homes in San Francisco to jobs in the Silicon Valley. These company buses generally have a single drop-off point, and if you look at the top of the sub-thread, the bus is dropping "all its people". This is a long-winded way of saying that the excuse is that you work at the same company as the people you frequently see on the particular bus you ride most days.
- yarou 12y ago
  So you've never made small talk with a co-worker that you didn't know yet but see on a daily basis?
- couchand 12y ago
  People are very friendly if you're friendly to them. That's at least been my experience everywhere I go. Break down those barriers! Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick. It will expand your horizons and make your life more interesting. Stop making excuses about some perceived need to have an "excuse" and just be friendly to your neighbors. We'll all benefit.
  - UrMomReadsHN 12y ago
    Just...wow...This is an extremely culture specific suggestion. Sure maybe in YOUR culture and place of residence that could be good advice but it could be horrible advice for other cultures/places. People are also different. Situations are different. In some situations being approached by a stranger can be friendly and some situations it can be very very hostile. Depending on a lot of factors. There is a very serious need to understand when your approach might be hostile to the other party. I find it interesting that I've been reading a lot of "in my culture/city/experience X therefore X is a universal truth" comments lately.
    - couchand 12y ago
      I'm basing this on my own personal experiences traveling on four continents. I just try to be consistently nice to people and not too forward, particularly if they seem uncomfortable. I don't think I said anything about a universal truth, but I do think people tend to be just as friendly to you as you are to them. YMMV.
      - UrMomReadsHN 12y ago
        You said some very universal statements like "Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick." This advice can be very detrimental in some cultures. I am talking about things like this- Friendliness does not make friends in Japan - http://www.uri.edu/iaics/content/2000v10n1/06%20Blaine%20Goss.pdf http://www.uri.edu/iaics/content/2000v10n1/06%20Blaine%20Gos... The other implication was friendliness is a Good Thing and more friendliness is Better. The idea that friendliness is even desired with [varying levels of] strangers is cultural specific. Or how much friendliness is acceptable or too much. I am an oddity in my culture because i wish for much much less friendliness with strangers than my culture dictates is appropriate. I could go for far less stranger friendliness in my life. [Depending on the degree of stranger].

by marquis 12y ago

Dewie 12y ago

So you would, for example, go up to someone that you see regularly but who you don't know and try to get to know them, either through some generic opener/remark/question or more bluntly ('Hi! I've seen you around here a lot lately and...). That doesn't really happen in my culture. People need an actual "excuse" to engage someone, like being at the same event or working together or practising the same sport. You can't just, you know, talk to someone because you want to be social for the hell of it - there needs to be some context. And happening to be in transit at about the same hours of the day doesn't qualify. This is how people in general are (here); both men and women. I guess you wouldn't like it here.

selimthegrim 12y ago
Where is "here"?
- Dewie 12y ago
  The land of non-America (Norway to be more specific).
greglindahl 12y ago
Half the people in this sub-thread think it's about public transit, and the other half are talking about the company bus systems that take tech workers from homes in San Francisco to jobs in the Silicon Valley. These company buses generally have a single drop-off point, and if you look at the top of the sub-thread, the bus is dropping "all its people". This is a long-winded way of saying that the excuse is that you work at the same company as the people you frequently see on the particular bus you ride most days.
yarou 12y ago
So you've never made small talk with a co-worker that you didn't know yet but see on a daily basis?
couchand 12y ago
People are very friendly if you're friendly to them. That's at least been my experience everywhere I go. Break down those barriers! Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick. It will expand your horizons and make your life more interesting. Stop making excuses about some perceived need to have an "excuse" and just be friendly to your neighbors. We'll all benefit.
- UrMomReadsHN 12y ago
  Just...wow...This is an extremely culture specific suggestion. Sure maybe in YOUR culture and place of residence that could be good advice but it could be horrible advice for other cultures/places. People are also different. Situations are different. In some situations being approached by a stranger can be friendly and some situations it can be very very hostile. Depending on a lot of factors. There is a very serious need to understand when your approach might be hostile to the other party. I find it interesting that I've been reading a lot of "in my culture/city/experience X therefore X is a universal truth" comments lately.
  - couchand 12y ago
    I'm basing this on my own personal experiences traveling on four continents. I just try to be consistently nice to people and not too forward, particularly if they seem uncomfortable. I don't think I said anything about a universal truth, but I do think people tend to be just as friendly to you as you are to them. YMMV.
    - UrMomReadsHN 12y ago
      You said some very universal statements like "Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick." This advice can be very detrimental in some cultures. I am talking about things like this- Friendliness does not make friends in Japan - http://www.uri.edu/iaics/content/2000v10n1/06%20Blaine%20Goss.pdf http://www.uri.edu/iaics/content/2000v10n1/06%20Blaine%20Gos... The other implication was friendliness is a Good Thing and more friendliness is Better. The idea that friendliness is even desired with [varying levels of] strangers is cultural specific. Or how much friendliness is acceptable or too much. I am an oddity in my culture because i wish for much much less friendliness with strangers than my culture dictates is appropriate. I could go for far less stranger friendliness in my life. [Depending on the degree of stranger].