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You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of you

You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive.

cwan 17y ago
This is very sad. Deepest condolences to his family and friends. Really makes the poll that was done only a few days ago more brutally shocking: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.
jlees 17y ago
Indeed, there are consequences, but the outing isn't binary. You don't have to tell everyone, and the sensitive nature of the whole thing means that if you confide in someone or someones close to you, it's not likely to be the gossip of the town tomorrow. Depending on the circles and acquaintances you have, often the reaction to it is a lot less... impactful than you'd expect. And, unfortunately, as I've alluded to elsewhere, in some circles it's considered almost cool. (Especially if you have a Livejournal.)
Alex3917 17y ago
This is true not just for depression, but really for anyone who experiences (by choice or not) reality in a non consensus way-- autistics, women, pot smokers, gays, etc. The fact that this is such a problem is a huge failure of science; pretty much to science what pedophilia is to the church, except that because the issue is epistemological it's going to take more than a change in leadership to make the problem go away.
ryanspahn 17y ago
What? "You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive." What are the consequences? After dealing with OCD and social anxiety issues from 18 to 28, I finally started to open up and talk about these oddities that conflicted me to others. What I learned is most people I talk to all dealt with something similar. These were just random people I met at work, friends and family members. I wish I talked about what conflicted me before I was 28, I would have been able to enjoy that 10 year span of my life more. What I am saying is don't think you are alone, think you are crazy the one dealing with ocd, social anxieties, depression - the majority has been there and when you learn/realize that we are the same a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. In other words talk talk talk about your problems, oddities (obessesive thoughts or actions), social anxieties and depressive thoughts until you are blue in the face. If people are going to look down on you for being a depressive screw them, they are hiding behind their own wall of B.S. - no one is perfect and everyone has dealt with something from the above in various degrees before! My condolences to Dan's family and friends.
- brandnewlow 17y ago
  When admitting to even a brush with mental illness doesn't disqualify someone from running for public office, my point with be moot. Until then, people who suffer from serious depression have to be very careful who they share this information with.
  - ryanspahn 17y ago
    Feel free to elaborate the whom you are speaking of. I guess I could start a list... 1. Navy seals 2. High level CIA/FBI agents 3. Airline pilots; any person whose work deals with the lives of others. Maybe that is a good sampling of whom you speak of?
- hackthisthing 17y ago
  What do you do when you don't feel like eliciting pity? IMO if you do this people will treat you as an oddity and try and take care of you. F that. RIP Dan, I feel for you.
jeffesp 17y ago
There are people (who keep this stuff confidential) to talk to though. You have to pay them and it can be difficult to find one that just doesn't want to blame the past instead of helping you move forward. But these people do exist and are helpful. I suggest finding someone who knows something about cognitive behavioral therapy. I agree with a sibling comment here that it is vital to talk through these things. If you can't trust your friends, first find someone else to talk to and then find some new friends.
- hackthisthing 17y ago
  Drugs drugs drugs, money money money. Seems like a poor ROI in most cases. I've gone, they tried to give me antidepressants even when I said I didn't want them. Worst money I ever spent.
deleted 17y ago
[deleted]

cwan 17y ago

This is very sad. Deepest condolences to his family and friends. Really makes the poll that was done only a few days ago more brutally shocking: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.

jlees 17y ago

Indeed, there are consequences, but the outing isn't binary. You don't have to tell everyone, and the sensitive nature of the whole thing means that if you confide in someone or someones close to you, it's not likely to be the gossip of the town tomorrow. Depending on the circles and acquaintances you have, often the reaction to it is a lot less... impactful than you'd expect. And, unfortunately, as I've alluded to elsewhere, in some circles it's considered almost cool. (Especially if you have a Livejournal.)

Alex3917 17y ago

This is true not just for depression, but really for anyone who experiences (by choice or not) reality in a non consensus way-- autistics, women, pot smokers, gays, etc. The fact that this is such a problem is a huge failure of science; pretty much to science what pedophilia is to the church, except that because the issue is epistemological it's going to take more than a change in leadership to make the problem go away.

ryanspahn 17y ago

What? "You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive." What are the consequences? After dealing with OCD and social anxiety issues from 18 to 28, I finally started to open up and talk about these oddities that conflicted me to others. What I learned is most people I talk to all dealt with something similar. These were just random people I met at work, friends and family members. I wish I talked about what conflicted me before I was 28, I would have been able to enjoy that 10 year span of my life more. What I am saying is don't think you are alone, think you are crazy the one dealing with ocd, social anxieties, depression - the majority has been there and when you learn/realize that we are the same a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. In other words talk talk talk about your problems, oddities (obessesive thoughts or actions), social anxieties and depressive thoughts until you are blue in the face. If people are going to look down on you for being a depressive screw them, they are hiding behind their own wall of B.S. - no one is perfect and everyone has dealt with something from the above in various degrees before! My condolences to Dan's family and friends.

brandnewlow 17y ago
When admitting to even a brush with mental illness doesn't disqualify someone from running for public office, my point with be moot. Until then, people who suffer from serious depression have to be very careful who they share this information with.
- ryanspahn 17y ago
  Feel free to elaborate the whom you are speaking of. I guess I could start a list... 1. Navy seals 2. High level CIA/FBI agents 3. Airline pilots; any person whose work deals with the lives of others. Maybe that is a good sampling of whom you speak of?
hackthisthing 17y ago
What do you do when you don't feel like eliciting pity? IMO if you do this people will treat you as an oddity and try and take care of you. F that. RIP Dan, I feel for you.

jeffesp 17y ago

There are people (who keep this stuff confidential) to talk to though. You have to pay them and it can be difficult to find one that just doesn't want to blame the past instead of helping you move forward. But these people do exist and are helpful. I suggest finding someone who knows something about cognitive behavioral therapy. I agree with a sibling comment here that it is vital to talk through these things. If you can't trust your friends, first find someone else to talk to and then find some new friends.

hackthisthing 17y ago
Drugs drugs drugs, money money money. Seems like a poor ROI in most cases. I've gone, they tried to give me antidepressants even when I said I didn't want them. Worst money I ever spent.

deleted 17y ago

[deleted]