5 ms·

Depression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others. Some days you can feel completely fine,

by bprater 17y ago

Depression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others. Some days you can feel completely fine, have amazing connections with people, love your work, be a completely present and loving parent and spouse. And on really bad days, it feels like the sky has completely collapsed on you and that the only logical thing to do is make the world a better place by leaving it. It may sound silly if you don't suffer, especially when you recognize much of it is brain chemistry, but it is very real to the person experiencing it. If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time, I strongly recommend that you let them know that you are there for them at any moment when things feel really dark. They can call, text you, get you on the computer, whatever. Things can go downhill extremely rapidly, so if you ever get a 9-1-1 from a sufferer, react immediately. Get to them in person if it's possible or get someone who lives close to get to them, don't stop communicating with them until you do. And don't try to fix the problem, telling them it's all in their mind. Again, it's all very real. Let them talk, just allow them to express themselves in whatever way it comes from them, it might be sadness, anger, rage, pain. Let them know they are safe to communicate anything with you, even the dark thoughts. I hope none of you have to go through this, but if you do, you might be saving the life of a friend, spouse, child, parent, aunt, uncle, someone many people love dearly.

brandnewlow 17y ago
You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive.
- cwan 17y ago
  This is very sad. Deepest condolences to his family and friends. Really makes the poll that was done only a few days ago more brutally shocking: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.
- jlees 17y ago
  Indeed, there are consequences, but the outing isn't binary. You don't have to tell everyone, and the sensitive nature of the whole thing means that if you confide in someone or someones close to you, it's not likely to be the gossip of the town tomorrow. Depending on the circles and acquaintances you have, often the reaction to it is a lot less... impactful than you'd expect. And, unfortunately, as I've alluded to elsewhere, in some circles it's considered almost cool. (Especially if you have a Livejournal.)
- Alex3917 17y ago
  This is true not just for depression, but really for anyone who experiences (by choice or not) reality in a non consensus way-- autistics, women, pot smokers, gays, etc. The fact that this is such a problem is a huge failure of science; pretty much to science what pedophilia is to the church, except that because the issue is epistemological it's going to take more than a change in leadership to make the problem go away.
- ryanspahn 17y ago
  What? "You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive." What are the consequences? After dealing with OCD and social anxiety issues from 18 to 28, I finally started to open up and talk about these oddities that conflicted me to others. What I learned is most people I talk to all dealt with something similar. These were just random people I met at work, friends and family members. I wish I talked about what conflicted me before I was 28, I would have been able to enjoy that 10 year span of my life more. What I am saying is don't think you are alone, think you are crazy the one dealing with ocd, social anxieties, depression - the majority has been there and when you learn/realize that we are the same a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. In other words talk talk talk about your problems, oddities (obessesive thoughts or actions), social anxieties and depressive thoughts until you are blue in the face. If people are going to look down on you for being a depressive screw them, they are hiding behind their own wall of B.S. - no one is perfect and everyone has dealt with something from the above in various degrees before! My condolences to Dan's family and friends.
  - brandnewlow 17y ago
    When admitting to even a brush with mental illness doesn't disqualify someone from running for public office, my point with be moot. Until then, people who suffer from serious depression have to be very careful who they share this information with.
    - ryanspahn 17y ago
      Feel free to elaborate the whom you are speaking of. I guess I could start a list... 1. Navy seals 2. High level CIA/FBI agents 3. Airline pilots; any person whose work deals with the lives of others. Maybe that is a good sampling of whom you speak of?
  - hackthisthing 17y ago
    What do you do when you don't feel like eliciting pity? IMO if you do this people will treat you as an oddity and try and take care of you. F that. RIP Dan, I feel for you.
- jeffesp 17y ago
  There are people (who keep this stuff confidential) to talk to though. You have to pay them and it can be difficult to find one that just doesn't want to blame the past instead of helping you move forward. But these people do exist and are helpful. I suggest finding someone who knows something about cognitive behavioral therapy. I agree with a sibling comment here that it is vital to talk through these things. If you can't trust your friends, first find someone else to talk to and then find some new friends.
  - hackthisthing 17y ago
    Drugs drugs drugs, money money money. Seems like a poor ROI in most cases. I've gone, they tried to give me antidepressants even when I said I didn't want them. Worst money I ever spent.
- deleted 17y ago
  [deleted]
cperciva 17y ago
Depression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others. Depressed people don't merely keep it hidden from others; they often develop a coping mechanism of keeping their depression hidden from themselves too. If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time The last part of this is the most important part. If someone is depressed and have recognized it then it's very important to provide whatever help you can. But it's also important to not intrude prior to that point; otherwise you risk forcing them to confront their depression before they're ready to do so (not to mention alienating them).
- jacquesm 17y ago
  That's a very fine line to ride there.
  - cperciva 17y ago
    Yes it is. Nobody ever promised that being a good friend would always be easy.
jhancock 17y ago
Thanks for those words. I don't know at what point a person actually goes through with suicidal thoughts. I suspect they don't either. If you even suspect someone has them, pay attention, be a friend even if you do not know them well and let them know you will not let them out of your sight until they are over this period in their lives.
megaduck 17y ago
Amen. All good advice. One of the truly insidious things about depression is that the sufferer often knows that it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head". That doesn't help. Depression is not a sign of personal weakness, misguided thinking, or flawed character. It's a medical condition, like diabetes or glaucoma. There shouldn't be any moral judgement attached. There's still a hell of a lot that we don't know about depression. However, there are treatments that help. If you suffer from depression, one of the best things you can do is to find a psychiatrist (an honest-to-god M.D.) that you can trust and work with. And if you know someone that suffers from depression, bprater is absolutely correct. 100%. Offering someone that kind of support may be more important than you know.
- Tichy 17y ago
  "it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head" I don't think that is true in general, except in the most trivial sense (that everything is just chemistry). Maybe there are some diseases where the chemistry is disturbed and it makes you feel depressed. But there are a lot of "natural" causes for depression, too.
hyperbovine 17y ago
I second that. The only two people I have known who died by their own hand were both incredibly radiant, ebullient individuals. Nobody saw it coming either time. For some, the higher the highs, the lower the lows, it seems.
JshWright 17y ago
A "Dan" in my life took this path a little over a year ago... She was a an extremely well respected physician, teacher, and friend. Tom, I wish I could tell you the answers will come with time, but if your experience is anything like mine... Well, I'm still waiting... My sincerest condolences to Dan's friends and family, you'll certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.

by bprater 17y ago

brandnewlow 17y ago

You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive.

cwan 17y ago
This is very sad. Deepest condolences to his family and friends. Really makes the poll that was done only a few days ago more brutally shocking: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.
jlees 17y ago
Indeed, there are consequences, but the outing isn't binary. You don't have to tell everyone, and the sensitive nature of the whole thing means that if you confide in someone or someones close to you, it's not likely to be the gossip of the town tomorrow. Depending on the circles and acquaintances you have, often the reaction to it is a lot less... impactful than you'd expect. And, unfortunately, as I've alluded to elsewhere, in some circles it's considered almost cool. (Especially if you have a Livejournal.)
Alex3917 17y ago
This is true not just for depression, but really for anyone who experiences (by choice or not) reality in a non consensus way-- autistics, women, pot smokers, gays, etc. The fact that this is such a problem is a huge failure of science; pretty much to science what pedophilia is to the church, except that because the issue is epistemological it's going to take more than a change in leadership to make the problem go away.
ryanspahn 17y ago
What? "You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive." What are the consequences? After dealing with OCD and social anxiety issues from 18 to 28, I finally started to open up and talk about these oddities that conflicted me to others. What I learned is most people I talk to all dealt with something similar. These were just random people I met at work, friends and family members. I wish I talked about what conflicted me before I was 28, I would have been able to enjoy that 10 year span of my life more. What I am saying is don't think you are alone, think you are crazy the one dealing with ocd, social anxieties, depression - the majority has been there and when you learn/realize that we are the same a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. In other words talk talk talk about your problems, oddities (obessesive thoughts or actions), social anxieties and depressive thoughts until you are blue in the face. If people are going to look down on you for being a depressive screw them, they are hiding behind their own wall of B.S. - no one is perfect and everyone has dealt with something from the above in various degrees before! My condolences to Dan's family and friends.
- brandnewlow 17y ago
  When admitting to even a brush with mental illness doesn't disqualify someone from running for public office, my point with be moot. Until then, people who suffer from serious depression have to be very careful who they share this information with.
  - ryanspahn 17y ago
    Feel free to elaborate the whom you are speaking of. I guess I could start a list... 1. Navy seals 2. High level CIA/FBI agents 3. Airline pilots; any person whose work deals with the lives of others. Maybe that is a good sampling of whom you speak of?
- hackthisthing 17y ago
  What do you do when you don't feel like eliciting pity? IMO if you do this people will treat you as an oddity and try and take care of you. F that. RIP Dan, I feel for you.
jeffesp 17y ago
There are people (who keep this stuff confidential) to talk to though. You have to pay them and it can be difficult to find one that just doesn't want to blame the past instead of helping you move forward. But these people do exist and are helpful. I suggest finding someone who knows something about cognitive behavioral therapy. I agree with a sibling comment here that it is vital to talk through these things. If you can't trust your friends, first find someone else to talk to and then find some new friends.
- hackthisthing 17y ago
  Drugs drugs drugs, money money money. Seems like a poor ROI in most cases. I've gone, they tried to give me antidepressants even when I said I didn't want them. Worst money I ever spent.
deleted 17y ago
[deleted]

cperciva 17y ago

Depression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others. Depressed people don't merely keep it hidden from others; they often develop a coping mechanism of keeping their depression hidden from themselves too. If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time The last part of this is the most important part. If someone is depressed and have recognized it then it's very important to provide whatever help you can. But it's also important to not intrude prior to that point; otherwise you risk forcing them to confront their depression before they're ready to do so (not to mention alienating them).

jacquesm 17y ago
That's a very fine line to ride there.
- cperciva 17y ago
  Yes it is. Nobody ever promised that being a good friend would always be easy.

jhancock 17y ago

Thanks for those words. I don't know at what point a person actually goes through with suicidal thoughts. I suspect they don't either. If you even suspect someone has them, pay attention, be a friend even if you do not know them well and let them know you will not let them out of your sight until they are over this period in their lives.

megaduck 17y ago

Amen. All good advice. One of the truly insidious things about depression is that the sufferer often knows that it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head". That doesn't help. Depression is not a sign of personal weakness, misguided thinking, or flawed character. It's a medical condition, like diabetes or glaucoma. There shouldn't be any moral judgement attached. There's still a hell of a lot that we don't know about depression. However, there are treatments that help. If you suffer from depression, one of the best things you can do is to find a psychiatrist (an honest-to-god M.D.) that you can trust and work with. And if you know someone that suffers from depression, bprater is absolutely correct. 100%. Offering someone that kind of support may be more important than you know.

Tichy 17y ago
"it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head" I don't think that is true in general, except in the most trivial sense (that everything is just chemistry). Maybe there are some diseases where the chemistry is disturbed and it makes you feel depressed. But there are a lot of "natural" causes for depression, too.

hyperbovine 17y ago

I second that. The only two people I have known who died by their own hand were both incredibly radiant, ebullient individuals. Nobody saw it coming either time. For some, the higher the highs, the lower the lows, it seems.

JshWright 17y ago

A "Dan" in my life took this path a little over a year ago... She was a an extremely well respected physician, teacher, and friend. Tom, I wish I could tell you the answers will come with time, but if your experience is anything like mine... Well, I'm still waiting... My sincerest condolences to Dan's friends and family, you'll certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.