5 ms·
Suicide.
by tdavis 17y ago
Suicide.
- gstar 17y agoTerrible. Most of all, don't beat yourself up about this - there was nothing you could have done to have stopped it, and he did what he wanted to do for his own reasons. I'm sorry for your loss.
- maxklein 17y agoWas there a note or some type of reason? Dan seemed perfectly normal in his conversation.
- tdavis 17y agoNo. Nobody suspected anything including me, family, friends, and his girlfriend
- maxklein 17y agoHas the police ruled out any possibility of foul play?
- cema 17y agoWhy did several people downvote it? Seems a legitimate question. I wish people who mod comments down would at least explain why.
- brandnewlow 17y agoI voted it down because it smelled of HN disease, aka, assuming that because you're really good with computers, you're really good at everything else.
- tdavis 17y agoTheir investigation of the scene pretty much ruled it out. Autopsy results take 4-10 weeks.
- rogerthat 17y agoI apologize in advance if this question is intrusive but is there any possibility it could have been an accident? Sometimes the line can be blurry. Accidental suicides do happen. Especially since there was no note.
- speby 17y agoLeaving a suicide note is supposedly a lot less common than our popular belief (from movies or books that depict fictional suicide situations) tell us...
- jvyduna 17y agoThere's almost no possibility it was accidental. I know it's impossible to stomach and the mind has the find a pattern or assign a reason when facts seem to "not add up". Everyone wants to ask these questions, so I don't fault you for asking.
- tdavis 17y agoUnfortunately, the way I found him pretty much rules that out. I'm foregoing description to be kind to family and friends, but it wasn't something you accidently do. A couple minor things he did directly beforehand which would seem completely innocuous to everybody but me also gives me confidence in the conclusion.
- deleted 17y ago[deleted]
- cperciva 17y agothe way I found him I didn't realize until seeing this that you were the person who found him. Please don't be afraid to seek counselling if you have flashbacks / nightmares / difficulty sleeping / etc -- post-traumatic stress disorder is very commonly experienced by those who find suicide victims.
- physcab 17y ago
- deleted 17y ago[deleted]
- speby 17y agoYeah, there's a lot of questions and wonder about how someone like Dan, who just... seemed fine and happy (perhaps on the outside), could bring himself to make such a terrible and extreme choice. It's a puzzle that, despite my only knowing him personally to a limited degree, that I may never understand.
- TeHCrAzY 17y agoWouldn't you think that if people hide simple emotions like anger or irritation, that they would hide something far more insidious and serious?
- 9oliYQjP 17y agoThe kind of person that is involved in a startup is typically smart enough to be able to hide the symptoms of depression. These are people who are used to achieving great things and so hiding vulnerabilities is something they get very good at. My thoughts and condolences go out to you and the people affected by this tragedy.
- cema 17y agoSuicidal people usually do not exhibit much abnormal behavior for strangers to get the idea. There is little strangers can do, anyway. Even professionals can only help when the person genuinely wants to be helped. This is sad, but this is life.
- tptacek 17y agoThere doesn't have to be a reason. Sometimes it might just work like an aneurysm. Nothing detectably wrong. It's nobody's fault and there's no narrative for it. The wrong set of things happens inside of you, you were fine, and then you're not. I've been through this; never as close as Tom to Dan, but close; and that's what helped me make sense of it. Sometimes it's just a sudden illness, and sudden illnesses are tragic but they happen.
- petercooper 17y agoWhen people don't mention the reason for a death in an announcement, I've always thought: "Why? Why keep it a secret? They're gone now anyway." I think I've just realized why. I can't say anything else other than that I'm sorry for all of your losses and I hope you do his dream proud.
- bprater 17y agoDepression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others. Some days you can feel completely fine, have amazing connections with people, love your work, be a completely present and loving parent and spouse. And on really bad days, it feels like the sky has completely collapsed on you and that the only logical thing to do is make the world a better place by leaving it. It may sound silly if you don't suffer, especially when you recognize much of it is brain chemistry, but it is very real to the person experiencing it. If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time, I strongly recommend that you let them know that you are there for them at any moment when things feel really dark. They can call, text you, get you on the computer, whatever. Things can go downhill extremely rapidly, so if you ever get a 9-1-1 from a sufferer, react immediately. Get to them in person if it's possible or get someone who lives close to get to them, don't stop communicating with them until you do. And don't try to fix the problem, telling them it's all in their mind. Again, it's all very real. Let them talk, just allow them to express themselves in whatever way it comes from them, it might be sadness, anger, rage, pain. Let them know they are safe to communicate anything with you, even the dark thoughts. I hope none of you have to go through this, but if you do, you might be saving the life of a friend, spouse, child, parent, aunt, uncle, someone many people love dearly.
- brandnewlow 17y agoYou keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life. Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive.
- cwan 17y agoThis is very sad. Deepest condolences to his family and friends. Really makes the poll that was done only a few days ago more brutally shocking: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650 Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.
- mutoxen 17y agoCreativity saved me. Please, be creative, always. :| I'm really sorry.
- dhs 17y agoIn a bout of major depression, creativity is just lost. The feeling that I will never get it back was a main source feeding suicidal thinking. Luckily, I sought treatment, and an analyst told me that this is normal, that it's part of the illness, and that basically nobody can be creative while being clinically depressed (yes, I was in a clinic at that time). That helped, at least a little. I'm fighting, and I'm slowly getting it back. But it's hard.
- nestlequ1k 17y agoThat's really sad news. If you can, posting any warning signs you can recognize after the fact might help other people identify when one of their co-founders might be at risk.